Thursday, 2 June 2016

Not Everyone Likes Woody Allen


I'm opinionated and generally forthright with people but I know I use self deprecation humour as an armoured shield from time to time.
Perhaps this gives the impression that others can say just what they like.
I'm not quite sure on the mechanics of such things
Recently I was reminded by someone, that I needed to loose weight.
I noted the concern but the statement was unleashed in front of others and it stung. It stung not because it was a correct statement........(I'm not an idiot) but because it was done publicly.

The problem with self deprecation is that it chaffs when someone else beats you to the punchline.

58 comments:

  1. Comments like this sting.

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  2. I hear you. You can tell from how I write that I'm self depreciating in a sarcastic way. Yet when a blog I wrote was taken seriously once and I was critised I was very very hurt. I went into quite a mini depression over it. Well a week of soul searching. Ultimately I think it's important to remember it's not you but them. That person who commented to you in the real world was plain rude. No doubts about it. Don't beat yourself up over their rudeness.

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  3. I have a sister who makes comments about us in public, in a "nice" way, but they always sting. She is the loser, however, in that we now avoid spending too much time in her company as she has done it once too often and it hurts. Apart from anything else, it is downright rude on many occasions.

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  4. Ouch. Public announcements for our 'own good' are more about the deliverer I believe. Which doesn't lessen the sting.

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  5. I think it's bad manners to say anything personal or detrimental in front of others. If something needs to be said, you say it in private to spare any embarrassment. Anyway, anyone who feels the need to comment publicly on something as personal as one's weight has issues of their own and should be ignored. If they were really concerned for you (and you look perfectly fine to me) they would not have drawn attention to you in this way. Don't let it get to you xxx

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    1. Its a bit of Going Gently light and shade.... All will be forgotton later today

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  6. What's up chuck?

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  7. Happy birthday for yesterday..... I missed it.

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  8. and I guess that witty and withering repost that you thought of later while walking the dogs did not appear at the right moment? I hate that. I'm a fan of Winston Churchill's response in these circumstances - I may be fat but I can diet, you on the other hand will always be a foul mouthed harpy. Paraphrasing madly, xoxo

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    1. I m going to memorize this response, thx.

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  9. I never know which is worse on hearing comments like that - when the speaker is sober or sozzled? Each would hurt me in a different way.

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  10. that person can sod right the fuck off, john! we love you just the way you are!

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    1. In retrospect i know it was a comment that came from caring
      I just didnt need that comment at that time

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  11. Some folk are just rude and ignorant, take no notice of them!
    Anyway, you're not fat, you're fluffy! X

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  12. Yes, I learnt the lesson about self deprecating homour many years ago when I had an Anglo Indian friend. He was not particularly dark and went to the best private Christian school in Calcutta and clearly had lessons in speech elocution. Nevertheless, he was my black sister, in his words. If he did something clumsy, he would say, you can't take a blackie anywhere. I did not go down that road with him, never saying anything like that to him, but others did and I could tell he did not like it. In some this is a worse example of hurtful words as there was nothing he could about being born an Anglo Indian. I once heard him called a black c*** and I thought it best to pretend I did not hear. Saying anything would have been pointless.

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  13. Oh John, I do hope it was not me and my comment on rationing the scotch eggs.

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  14. On his annual visit to us from Australia my brother decides to call me "Amazon" cos I am 6ft (3 ins taller than him) and weigh considerably more. This hurts - but this year I have my answer waiting. I shall call him a pygmy (I gather pigmies insert wooden sticks in their willies to make them look larger) I hope this works. Happy birthday of yesterday.

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    1. Sorry to read this. . .
      If he makes comments like that he is the "smaller" person.

      cheers, parsnip and thehamish

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    2. It's not wise to make fun of someone who is bigger than you are. That larger person might grab your balls until you squeal and say sorry.

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  15. Yes, why do these people feel they need to do these things! Agghh!!

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  16. Happy Birthday for yesterday John xx

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  17. I honestly don't think you need to lose weight.

    But, then again, you never sat on me......
    (there was supposed to be some humor in that, but don't bother to look for it)

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  18. I totally agree, and I was quite cross on your behalf John. It is Not Ok to make belittling comments about someone's in public, and I agree with the comment that in the end the person who does so is the looser - of friendships, and confidences. I hope the bruise fades soon - a cuddle from the dogs, or better still, the Prof, should help!

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  19. My mum does not appreciate how loudly she speaks. Walking down the high street with her and a woman exits from the hairdressers in front of us. 'Well that was a waste of money' says Mum, loudly. The woman heard. I know she did.

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  20. There are ways and ways of putting things, and mentioning that you need to lose weight in front of other people is just downright rude - no matter how well intentioned. These days I tend to reply to statements like that with the rather terse 'when I want your opinion I'll ask for it'. It was phrase my father frequently used to me when I was cheeky young whippersnapper and was busy voicing my opinions to all and sundry. Yes, I was an obnoxious child with opinions on everything.

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  21. There was this book I read but can't remember what or who by, but one thing has stuck with me from it: When you speak down about yourself in front of people, they believe it even if you were joking. Even if you use a negative like saying, "I'm not stupid," they then think you are stupid. I've tried hard not to speak down about myself even in the negative since then. I think it helps your own self thinking as well.

    As for the person who commented on your weight, no-one should ever comment on someone else's weight or physical appearance, positively or negatively, except to perhaps to say, "Hey you look super snazzy today!" or "I love your cool dress!" It's none of their damn business what size or shape your body is. I hope you replied with, "Is is my turn to point out your bodily flaws now?"

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  22. Can't stand socially clumsy people like that. My father in law used to say to me 'Mrs you've put on a bit of condition.' I always replied ' Thank God you mentioned it, if you hadn't I'd never have noticed.' Don't let the turkeys get you down x

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  23. I believe that I receive negative comments (criticism) about me daily and by the two people closest to me! 'Your so miserable, you're too enthusiastic-over the top, stop moving things on the conveyor belt, you're moving too slowly, stop moaning, you should go for a run etc., A day without a verbal put down would be so refreshing. We shouldn't allow other people's opinion's to get us down. Just because they think/say it, doesn't make it so. x

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  24. Next time just stand back and look them up...and ...down. It's unnerving.

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  25. That's not self-deprecation; that's unkindness! And whether or not you "need" to lose weight is debatable and no one's business but yours.

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  26. It's a sad fact, but unfortunately some folks just don't have a tact filter.

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  27. When I was telling a(former) friend about my battle with depression, she replied "I'm surprised you're depressed, fat people are usually so jolly!". The same tact-free individual also blamed my daughter for being gay on me and himself, for letting her play football. Jeez some people.

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  28. Whenever I go to the Diabetes Clinic I always say to him indoors - 'I'm off to be told I'm too fat'.
    I would never know if some snotty doctor didn't inform me twice a year. And when I lost 16 lbs - no comment! People (and doctors) need to adjust their tact buttons.

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  29. I just need to crawl into a hole and die.
    I am so sorry to have offended you and caused you pain It was not intended.
    What more can I say to apologise for my awful error of judgement?
    Please forgive.

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  30. Unless it's your doctor saying you need to lose weight for health reasons, it's nobody's business but your own. And quite frankly, what purpose does it serve to make comments like that to other people ?
    It is not about 'caring' is it ? Do they really think overweight people need to be reminded of something that they are well aware of themselves ?
    Arrrgh ! This gets my goat !

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  31. You should have pulled out a Winston Churchill quote to sting the offending idiot.

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  32. My father taught me to praise in public and reprimand in private. It was a wonderful rule that I passed on to my children. I wish that my father could have taught that to everyone. However, unless this person was your physician, they were out of line to critique your weight. And a physician should only do it in private. I have taken to dismissing people who do that kind of things with phrases like, "you do you. I'll do me" "By the grace of God, I am what I am." or "WYSIWYG, take me as you find me." It usually doesn't make me feel any better, but I hope it will make the person think twice before trying it again.

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  33. You should have said, while we're discussing "needs" let's talk about yours.

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  34. Elderly portly male cousin: The doctor told me I need to watch my weight.
    Me: (revving up for a joke)I watch my weight....(before I could say, I watch it go up and up)
    My Hubby: (loudly) You have a lot to watch.
    Long silence. Very hurt feelings. Angry look from cousin, ignored by hubby. Lovely memories (not). Sorry it happened to you. It is painful, even if not from a loved one, but twice that if so. It would be so much nicer to hear, "I love you just the way you are." Even if that is a lie.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you maggie
      ( maggie is my best next pet name btw)

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  35. Happy Late Birthday.
    It was my Mum's Birthday yesterday too. Went out to visit her at the grave site.

    cheers, parsnip

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  36. Some people don't know when to be quiet. Comments about someone's personal appearance or life choices should be kind or if necessary, noncommittal. I make an effort to compliment people on how nice they look or what a wise thing they've said. I rarely receive such comments in return. I have one sister who always asks me very loudly, Why don't you do something about your hair? or says, Your clothes are totally inappropriate for this occasion/look horrible/should be taken away from you so you wear something decent. I don't have money to go to a hairdresser all the time. The last time I saw that sister was at a family wedding. I had borrowed a skirt and blouse from my daughter rather than go naked. I stopped going to weddings, funerals, parties, whatever. Why set myself up for insults? I'm sorry for your hurt feelings. You are a great person, and I love you dearly.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Your response makes me cry. Now I'm going to warm up some chicken noodle soup. Then I'm going to feed the dogs. I cried for hours last night. I can't seem to stop crying whether it's sadness or happiness or sweetness such as yours.

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  37. I m very upset on your behalf. Sure we can say, ''Consider the source" or "That person was so rude" but you were hurt no matter what! And on your birthday. So sorry.

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  38. Why is everybody so nice to you in here Fatty McFatface?

    (Hello)

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  39. Thats life isn't it, one day they are giving you birthday cake and the next they are telling you you`re fat. X

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  40. John, my husband had a friend nMed Richard. Richard was a Broadwsy actor and played small parts so pretty well unknown :)
    One night we were out to dinner with Richard and some of his friends when a woman nearby said.. Look at the fairy.
    I was shocked.
    Richard turned slowly and looked at her for a long moment then he said in his best Off Broadway voice...
    Madam, if I were a fairy , I would whip out my magic wand and give you a nose job.
    She was mortified and we all fell over laughing.

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  41. Something like this certainly says more about the deliverer than it does you.

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  42. Some people deserve to be hit with a fly swatter.

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  43. I feel your pain, ignore it you are great x

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  44. Ha, my ex never had a good word to say about anyone (which to me is just a sign of his own inadequacy) but he felt free to criticize everyone and anyone, but me in particular. Which was a bit weird considering on the beach he looked like spaghetti in a swimsuit! I guess some of these people don't have mirrors. Anna

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