Monday, 9 May 2016

Thar She Blows

It's 07.45 and I have just about finished another litre of liquid laxative.
We don't have the luxury of two bathrooms, and so The Prof has had strict instructions to "leave the door unlocked" 
Strangely I don't feel hungry, even though I last ate something early yesterday afternoon.
Perhaps there's something in this fasting thing?
I've  just fed and watered the field animals , stopping only briefly by the gate to let out a sudden and worrying fart ( no follow through thank the lord) and now,  I am safely ensconced on the loo merrily passing floods of effluent with all of the talent of a North Sea sewage pipe outside Hull.

I was going to write a post on how the bastard magpies have nicked all yesterday's eggs from the collection bowl I left on the garden wall, smashing them them all over the lane.
But I can't be arsed

27 comments:

  1. I've suddenly and inexplicably lost my appetite for breakfast.....

    Purging is good for the soul, and it cleanses the conscience - so I've heard.

    ReplyDelete

  2. The worst is almost over. Chins up!
    (That function is Hull's saving grace.)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was going to have a spinach and apple smoothie for breakfast, but not anymore!!!!!
    Almost over John, and all that weight you'll have lost is a bonus too!
    Good luck. X

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm surprised there's no accompanying video!

    ReplyDelete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Forecast for today is for storms with thunder in certain parts. The perfect cover for you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Do you actually write your blog sitting on the loo? Makes a change from reading the newspaper I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
  8. hang in there, john; almost over!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Stay strong, everything comes out fine in the end,

    ReplyDelete
  10. This:

    "no follow through thank the lord."

    Will have me giggling all day.

    ReplyDelete
  11. The worrying thing is that you seem to be enjoying this preliminary procedure John ?!!!!!!!! haha
    Hope all goes well today ..... I shall be thinking of you. XXXX

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's 8 a.m. in Wisconsin, so I'm hoping your ordeal is over. I sympathize, but your recent posts have had me belly-laughing and imitating the Prof's raspberries in imagining the way he was teasing you. Oh, such fun for a couple of us at least!

    ReplyDelete
  13. May all go well and your insides be as lovely as a newborn chick.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I've had both versions, with and without the miracle drug injected directly into your vein. Go for the drugs anyday!!!! Take a cab, walk home if you must, but take the drugs! My husbear is always laughing when I regain my full consciousness. He never tells me why, but it has something to do with what I say in the time between waking up and coming out of the drug haze. Take the drugs!!!!
    My sister in law had her first one earlier this year. Before going under, she told the doctor he was about to go where no man had gone before. That is a claim I could never make.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I try to read your blog more or less faithfully, but this post is definitely T.M.I.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I hope it all went well .... and am I the only person who finds the thought of you writing your posts while sat on the toilet a bit strange.

    Once Lovely Hubby was chatting to his old building company foreman at the end of a long days work. We were in Reading and the foreman in Barrow in Furness, somehow or other it came out that they were both sat in their respective baths whilst on the phone to each other ... it just seemed very weird and a bit personal ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hope everything comes out ok...oh wait, it already did!. Good luck your procedure. Hope things go well.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I`m almost a little jealous, a bloody good clear out would do me the world of good.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I`m almost a little jealous, a bloody good clear out would do me the world of good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MIss out one B and one L in your name, Margo, and this would be an even more appropriate comment.

      Delete
  20. Hope all goes well John Gray, I used to live in Canada and at my last Colonoscopy they gave you a copy of the report with photos of your innards !!! I must look it out and send you a copy !!! xxxx I do not mean you innards, they were, my innards ;)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Magpies? Sounds like you've already been arsed.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Tonight you will be relaxed and loving it.

    ReplyDelete
  23. But (butt?) if all is well you have to go through this only every 5 years or so.

    ReplyDelete
  24. At least you are not kneeling and talking to the great white telephone gods: Hughie and Ralph. Hope you get better soon John.

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x