Friday, 15 April 2016

Village Small Talk

Mist over The Village

  • Animal Helper Pat called round with a request. After being dropped in the shit by the affable despot's children, the Headmistress of the school has now officially asked me ( albeit through Pat) to give the kids a talk on " blogging" next Friday! .....what the hell am I going to talk about me thinks? 
  • Teenage Boffin Cameron stopped for a chat over the garden wall.I asked him how his preparations for his GCE exams were going and he rolled his eyes as I was being soooo last year! This year he is sitting is AS exams and is talking about University!!! Duh!  I remember when he was in primary school! Anyhow He promised to look after the field for me when we go to a friend's birthday in London next month. 
  • The Flintshire County council workmen who were packing up their mowers after cutting the grass in the old Churchyard all wolfwhistled Winnie as we passed the lychgate ....she went all slutty at the attention , turned and flashed her big red vulva at them. She's such a slag.
  • Trendy Carol tottered passed, on her way to the shops down in town. she was  a vision in black and white and looked very Audrey Hepburn. 
  • Dog walking allowed us to meet up with the powerful black Labrador Podrick and his owner up the Marian. He shared  the tale of Podrick's recent vomiting incident and worrying weightloss which is thankfully now resolved and soon after Mrs Trellis was dragged into view with Blue. She looked well though did complain of being plagued by a rather irritating bout of gingivitis !
  • I think I saw Gay Gordon waving weakly from the window of his bungalow but I couldn't be sure if it was indeed him or Big Mary-His invalid buggy has been covered by a tarpaulin for months now, which is a little worrying.


Look closely..Mrs Trellis out with Blue

62 comments:

  1. It is hard to believe you still write so openly and have not toned down your posts. I am impressed that as your readership has increased, especially by local villagers, that you still call things warts and all. What on earth will you tell the young, innocent, naive and impressionable young children about blogging.

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    1. I have a quiet and thoughtful village history blog which is the sister of GOING GENTLY i think i can use that as an example!

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    2. He will tell them things like "...turned and flashed her big red vulva at them. She's such a slag". If he thinks village primary school children will not find this blog he is so naive.

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  2. Sure those workman weren't wolfwhistling you, John!

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    1. I had my tracksuit bottoms on, crocs and stained t shirt
      So i very much doubt it

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    2. Oh, J.G. You've brought me out in a hot flush now! :-)

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    3. As if a change of clothes would have make him all alluring... Ha. The old fool.

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  3. Or Mrs Trellis disappearing into the Welsh mist.

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  4. Kids love having pen pals (which is what this blog reminds me of, only for adults!) You might suggest they start off by writing to one other kid somewhere in the world then become a "blog" later.

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  5. I had to take a break from sitting by the hospital bedside where my mom sleeps to cheer myself up in the world of John Gray
    It did help:)

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    1. I always get cheered up by the world of John Gray.. good for you Notes...blessings to your mum

      Jo in Auckland, NZ

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  6. Keep the school talk clean!

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  7. Well, I am not a villager from your village but a far-away one and I send my greetings to you on this gray day from where I sit. In a way, we ARE fellow villagers though, aren't we? This blog world being a community in and of itself.

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  8. God I loath that word for the female genitalia.
    It may be anatomically correct but it still sounds horribly clinical and a bit like a Swedish car.

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    Replies
    1. There are worse words that could be used (apparently). Worse words than Volvo too, such as Suzuki or Berlingo (Yuk)

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    2. You touched a nerve there, Andrew. My Berlingo (in Wicked Red) is my pride and joy; ideal for loading my dog in the back and for filling with camping gear plus dog on my holiday trips. It was also the vehicle used in transporting all my worldly possessions on two house moves. It has definitely earned its keep and is still doing sterling duty. Berlingos are BRILLIANT!!!

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  9. I think you are about to be outed by those kids in that they are well able to if not already have found this blog Hi kids!

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  10. just keep it clean for the kiddies. and I LOVE that mist pix; reminds me of the show "brigadoon".

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  11. Tell them that a blog can be like a diary, it can be illustrated, or it can be about your favourite subject like textile bloggers do or fashion or makeup or sport or cooking or your pets or stamp collecting. xxx

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    1. The diary side is something i think i was going to stick to .....

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    2. And people all over the world can read it and just as some are getting up in the morning, others will be going to bed. x

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    3. I can feel tom throwin up at all this good humour

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    4. I was being serious.

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    5. Yes I can too now.

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  12. Ask them what they would include on their blog, if they had one. This will probably result in lots of interesting secrets and stories about their parents !!
    PS I love Winnie's style the jezebel

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  13. Makes us want to live there.

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  14. I think you should keep the talk along the lines of 'an online diary' and keeping the history of the family/village aspect of blogging ..... sooooo much better than dogs with fanny flannels and bright red vulvas ;-)

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    1. Good idea sue... My thoughts too

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  15. It is likely that the school has interactive whiteboards. That means you could illustrate your talk quite easily - maybe even going online during the talk. My advice would be to visit the school after the kids have gone home and see where you'll be delivering the talk. You could also get some instructions in how to use the whiteboard so that when the day of the talk comes you feel more confident about the situation. You could maybe even prepare a Power Point slideshow and bring it in on a memory stick.

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    1. I know i need to be careful YP but what should i stear clear of?

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    2. Steer clear of boring the children. No sex and no swearing and make sure your flyhole is zipped up.

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  16. I think it would be good to tell the children that if they start a blog never put anything on there that could identify them such as their address or when they are at home or away. They should probably make up a name to protect their identity and always moderate comments and get their parents to check over what they have written before they post anything!

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    1. I think , i shall ring the headmisstress for guidance

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    2. HEADMISTRESS: Guidance? GUIDANCE? I have been following your seedy blog for several weeks and it disgusts me! Now drop your trousers and bend over laddie, you are in for a sound thrashing!

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  17. Going Gently - what a good title, and what a great theme. Nice to read a little daily gossip, it's so much friendlier than what's on the screen here in the US. Will this election never be over?

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  18. Don't mention farting or you will loose them in a fit of giggles. I volunteered my husband to do a talk on sailing & sail boats to our son's class when they were all about seven and their teacher invited the dads in to talk about their jobs to inspire literacy in the boys who were lagging behind the girls... I think he's still recovering & our lad is 20 now !

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  19. I would comment here, but you seem to be a bit blasé about comments these days, so I cannot be arsed.

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    1. This obsession with comment answering is getting on my tits
      Occassionally , strange as it may seem, I am bisy with Other things

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    2. "I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them x"

      I just copied the above from two inches away from your last comment. Like I say, you seem to be getting a bit blasé as well as a bit bisy. Why don't you scarp the mission statement, then you won't have to get all arsey with anyone?

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    3. Scrap, not scarp, of course - you belligerent old git.

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    4. Now now lads, there are young children reading. By the way, and seriously John, warn the kiddies that whatever they write on a blog may be there forever, and through copy-pasting even long after a blog may close, and may be used as evidence against them in a court of law, or be repeated out loud in the House of Commons when they are trying to become Prime Minister, or... just tell the kids to be careful out there, and not to betray their precise location as readily as you do; for (sadly) there be real monsters out there (although none much interested in you, hopefully).

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    5. One minute has passed and you have not answered yet! Sheesh! I've had enough. I am off again. "I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them x" indeed. Harrumph.

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    6. I will talk to the teachers about what to say but i will leave all the warning stuff to them and parents.....i am not an official spokes person for,internet safety

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    7. Expect they will say "Warning. Do not read this man's real blog..." I am not sure the Headmistress has thought this through properly (they rarely do).

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    8. Bisy, bisy bisy..........

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    9. I could slap you until your teeth rattle

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    10. Now threats of violence, and the spelling too! What will the children think? "bisy"? This blog is just one huge sinister swamp of dreadful danger for young minds, and for old ones too. I'm off!

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  20. I hope you managed to cool Winnie down before she turned into a wanton hussy.

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    1. Her vulva is still glowing in the darkness of the living room

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  21. John, John, John, .... Good Luck and keep it simple.
    A drawing, a photo and small amount of words.

    cheers, parsnip

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  22. Haven't seen a vulva in ages. We do have a lot of BMWs and Range Rovers though.

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  24. I need to edit before I hit publish...wasn't anything awful I said above just badly typed.

    I could be entertained easily with your village and love every moment of it.

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  25. Well, I sure hope you clean up your language during that talk at school!

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  26. Bet you'll be a delightful "blog lecturer"
    for the children AND the headmistress.
    I hope you'll tell us all about your visit/lecture . . .

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  27. I bet you will be great with the children, you always find ways to entertain your two young girlfriends when they visit, infact I think you are a much gentler person than you often let on, on the blog.

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  28. Please tell dear Mrs Trellis to rub a little oil of cloves into her gums to fix her gingivitis. A mouth wash of coconut oil will also help.

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I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x