Saturday, 23 April 2016

A Victoria Wood Moment

With the Prof shopping in England , I took myself off to Marks & Spencer for lunch
No I didn't have a scotch egg ( they don' do them in the cafe) so I had mulligatawny soup and tea!
Behind me were sat a couple in late middle age, he obviously had bored his wife silly

This is how their conversation panned out after a somewhat fraught ( on his part) run around to choose the best table

Him: " Have you seen the state of that waitress' hat?"
Her: " no, what's wrong with it?"
Him: " It's not very flattering , what with all the netty stuff over her hair" 
Her: Sighing ..." It's health and safety- they have to keep their hair covered" 
Him: " Well , you would have thought that the uniforms and hats would be a bit brighter, wouldn't you given that they are ambassadors for Marks? ' " 
Her: " Ive never really thought about it, as long as they smile and are polite, I don't give a stuff what they wear"
Him: " But black......it's black.........it doesn't look nice does it? I would like them to wear something more lively" 
Her: "hummmmmmm"
Him:"I mean.....black.....it's depressing and not very stylish" 
Her: " Audrey Hepburn always looked lovely in black" 
Him: She didn't wear a Marks and Spencer waitress outfit did she? 

( At this point I almost turned around to say that she even looked good in a black and white habit aka The Nun's Story)

Her: loud sigh.............

Long pause, as he was cutting into a baked potato 

Him: " a lighter colour would have been more jolly" 

Her: " ........I wish I felt jolly" 
( i could have kissed her) 

41 comments:

  1. Sounds like that poor wife is doing a life sentence.

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  2. what a curmudgeon (the man, not you, john)!

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  3. Now I'm glad I didn't comment to Tom about one of the waitresses at the diner last night! At least I kept my grim thoughts to myself. (She was probably a lovely person, of course.)

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  4. Why does he give a sh*t if her the server's hat is flattering?

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  5. P.S. You SHOULD have kissed her. Would have given her something sweet to think about for the rest of her life.

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    1. Adore your comment.
      John you have outdone yourself again, terrific post today.

      cheers, parsnip and thehamish

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  6. That man has a twin and I know him well.

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    1. I think it could be my father in law :-)

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  7. I have just had a text from a friend who had spent a three hour bus journey sitting next to a train spotter who explained all about his hobby in minute detail . She would have loved your overheard conversation .

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  8. I have just had a text from a friend who had spent a three hour bus journey sitting next to a train spotter who explained all about his hobby in minute detail . She would have loved your overheard conversation .

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  9. I loved your M and S conversation John, because the last time I went to M and S I went to the changing rooms to try on some clothes. Outside sat a line of middle aged/elderly men, all waiting for their wives who were inside. I couldn't help feeling their only purpose there was a) to do the driving and b) to get out the cheque book.

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    1. I will never forget when we went on holiday with my grandparents as children. We came from a very rural area so had very little chance to shop for clothes. On holiday, there was a large M & S. My grandfather parked himself on a chair outside the changing room and proceeded to read the newspaper. My gran came out wearing a dress she was trying on and said "What do you think ducks, do you like it?". He never looked up from his paper and grunted "Aye, it's fine love".

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    2. I love the wives outside the mens' changing rooms where they are in charge of their other halves sizes and purchase. M&S fitting rooms are S&M.

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  10. I sometimes tell my manly man to say something positive if he let's out his inner curmudgeon.

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  11. Maybe her skimpy underwear was black? Anyway, M&S have never been known for style - especially in the underwear department.

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  12. That's 40 years of marriage for you.

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  13. I find that small talk is often a way of covering up the important things that need discussion but go unheard.

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    1. A wise observation Simone. Conversations like that are like flotsam on an ocean's surface.

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  14. Another wonderful vignette - I think you should have at least winked at her, John.

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  15. With people like that you sometimes wonder whether to feel sorry for them or slap them.

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    1. Slap em until they bleed thats what i say

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  16. Hilarious. And exactly the sort of absurd conversation I hear in M&S as well. Clearly M&S attracts a certain kind of (Victoria Wood) person. I feel sorry for his wife if she has to put up with all that petty niggling day in and day out.

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  17. 'Him' needs to volunteer or something.....get his mind on something that is real/meaningful.
    There must be something in it for the wife to entertain all his foolishness.

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    1. Who said " a life of quiet desperation" jimbo?

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  18. It's years since we've been out for a lunch in somewhere like M&S. So I hope we've saved a lot of people the mind-numbingly boring conversations that would probably ensue after fifty years of marriage !

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  19. No wonder she was so funny, with a world of material presented to her every day. I am going to be binge watching Dinner Ladies. Did you ever watch it No zombies, alhough Petula does look a bit like the walking dead... ;-)

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  20. " have you seen my clint? "

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    1. Is that next to your vinegar?

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  21. Maybe the man was ineptly, but gamely, trying to make conversation, instead of sitting there in tense old couples' silence.

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  22. Reading this made me jolly :-)
    Greetings Maria x

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  23. I agree with that observant, fashion-conscious fellow. Marks and Spencers cafe staff should wear pink feathered fascinators with shiny beads - not boring Ena Sharples hair nets.

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  24. I like the idea of fascinators. I saw a girl in Cambridge wearing normal clothes and a lovely black feathery fascinator, I was envious

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  25. If only they left us in charge of selecting the uniforms!

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  26. How depressing, I'm going out with the girls for a giggle if this is my future x

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  27. Your story of the couple in M & S does not compute. Now if the roles were reversed I could believe it.

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  28. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  29. People "watch and listen" brings me smiles . . .

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