Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Mother in law stories ...p l e a s e


The Prof and his mother are in the living room watching The Lady In The Van. They have spent most of the day shopping and are now resting with cups of tea and a plate of cheese and crackers. I have made an effort and have used proper cups and saucers........and a clean sideplate
I drew a line at napkins.
I didn't fancy sitting through Maggie Smith playing Maggie Smith, so Albert and I have retired to the bedroom. I am writing my blog and he is licking his arsehole.
All is well with the world.
I have spent much of the day getting things back in order. Having a visitor for a week is lovely on a social level but things do tend to pile up housework wise if you're not careful.
I took the opportunity to clean out the goose house too, and did so wearing old trackie bottoms, gravy stained sweatshirt and crocs, before I was caught by Margaret from Erw Wen when she delivered some layers pellets.
Her expression said it all, it said "You've let yourself go" 
I felt like saying even Jennifer Aniston doesn't look good all of the time
But I didn't!

I'll make an effort tonight, we are all going to Osborn House for dinner!
Sorrel goes home tomorrow and I think she has enjoyed her stay at Bwthyn -y-Llan .....I am lucky .......I like my mother-in-law and she kinda likes me......

So on the back of my previous " mother love" blog post, I shall put this question out to my dear readers...
Please tell me if you hated your mum in law or indeed if she hated you.......
I'd love to hear any funny MIL tales!
I'll leave you with some mother in law words from Les Dawson

"I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps"


86 comments:

  1. All right- not exactly what you were looking for (I've been blessed with two wonderful mother-in-laws, neither of whom, sadly, are still with us) BUT-
    Once, when I was visiting with my first mother-in-law and I had my two young children with me, she said to me, "Aren't they darling? Aren't they precious? Don't you just love them to death?"
    And then she said, "And sometimes don't you want to just pinch their little heads off?"
    I'll never forget that. I'm still laughing.

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    1. I love this and can totally relate! LOL

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  2. My mother-in-law and I DID NOT get along, but we respected one another. It wasn't til she suffered dementia later in life that we became close. I became her only female caregiver as she has 3 sons and a daughter in denial. And you know what, all the way to her death she never forgot my name. She couldn't remember shit else, but she never forgot my name. Extraordinary isn't it?! I grew to understand and love her more during that time than any other time in our lives together. She was remarkable woman in her own right.

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  3. My husband's Mum died when he was a boy so I never met her. I had a narrow escape though when I got engaged to a 'bloke' when I was a teenager. On our engagement party, the MIL to be asked him to clean out her shed there and then. She also told me over the phone that he didn't want to see me any more without further explanation. She was vile and hostile and talked to me through clenched teeth. Thank God I had a lucky escape!

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  4. I would have loved to have a mother in law but unfortunately the lady who would have been mine died when she was just thirty eight and my hubby was aged eleven. When we started tracing the family tree we found out that unbeknown to any of us my son got married on her birthday and that she was born only a couple of miles from where we live now. I like to think that is a sign that she would have loved us.

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  5. My last MIL was an absolute sweetheart, I loved her better than cake. My first MIL - checked my windowsills for dust, cleaned my children after I had, a real pain in the ... until I divorced her #&%(*@ son - then we could actually talk civilly.

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  6. I think I got along better with Jay's mother, than he did. She had her quirks, she would come for a visit and rearrange my kitchen, putting things were they belonged, not where I had envisioned when I designed the house and had the kitchen custom built. I would hold my peace and move things back after she went home. She called me on the phone one time and tried to get me to take sides in a dispute with one of older sons, Jay said "welcome to the family - she only does that with family." I miss her.

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    1. Your MIL sounds JUST like my daughter, LOL

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  7. LOL -- that's a great quote. Fortunately I get along with Dave's mom. In fact, sometimes I suspect she likes me more than she likes him. :)

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  8. My mom always hated my dad's mother.

    One Halloween when I was a kid, mom was outside and started yelling, "Kenny, come here, QUICK!!!" My dad ran out there and said, "What's wrong?! What's happened?!" And she replied, "Your mother just flew by on a broom!" Hahaha!

    Dad wasn't amused. :)

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    1. Ha, ha, love it. I might use that line myself.

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  9. My now ex MIL was horrible to me. She would make vile comments when we were alone and no one believed she could say such things. She refuses to acknowledge me and rarely sees her grandsons. She's a pillar of the church and does lots of charity work in her community!

    My partner's mum is an absolute sweetheart to me and I love her to bits but interestingly she hates my partner's ex with a passion!! Go figure!

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  10. My MIL story is:
    When i was pregnant with my first, my MIL came into my flat and wiped her finger along the sideboard to see if there was dust... there was and she said 'hmmmmmm.' So I got the duster and polish and told her,'here's the polish and duster. you might as well finish the rest'. Needless to say, she had a quick brew and left!

    i have many tales to tell... god bless her soul :P

    lisa x

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  11. I am still waiting to see the Lady In The Van. I usually look like I've let myself go, but I still clean up pretty good.

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  12. P.S. My mil is awesome! She died 33 years ago.

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  13. My first two marriages were to orphans, so I never thought about in-laws. In both cases, the fathers died when my husbands were teenagers and the mothers shortly before I met them. There was never any question about where to spend Christmas or Thanksgiving. I didn't realize how lucky I had been until my current partner, whose parents are very much alive and very homophobic. When they send us joint cards, they are addressed to Miss Her Name and Mrs. My Name. My mother-in-law is sweet and harmless, though she wouldn't acknowledge that relationship. It took the father 10 years to be willing to shake hands with me. (He was afraid of cooties, I guess). Ah, well.

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  14. Mine said she liked wipe clean kitchens while standing in mine; I guess mine had too many of my treasures around. We get on OK.

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  15. My first MIL was a sweetie and taught me how to make really good gravy - the irony is my second husband hates any form of gravy!

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    2. I skill wasted on him then !

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  16. My Sister-In-Law to my MIL when she was a girl....`Mom, whats a man in a boat?`..[lots of sniggering from the older brothers]...MIL...oh a Sailor. Food shopping with MIL...Oh I think I`ll have a quickie, she meant quiche. The exact opposite to my own `wire hangers` mother, she was patient, placid, wise, kind and gentle. She was one of the best and it was a privilege to have known her. Leukaemia took her from us 14 years ago, her name was Minnie and I love her still. X

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  17. I got on with both of mine. My first really spoilt me. What I wonder now is what sort of pseudo MIL I am as the automotive engineer lives with us and I do rather nag him.

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  18. My MIL was known as The Witch by one and all. I expect she is keeping Old Nick in his place now.

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  19. My MIL hated me.
    Until the day she died I was nice to her and made sure the children were polite.
    When she died I sent all the horrible things she did to me with her. I never think of her now, which I think is best revenge (?) for her to be forgotten.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. I shall always remember what you said about sending "all the horrible things she did to me with her". How gracious and wise and such good advice. Thank you!
      There was a crazy aunt in my family who made things difficult for her siblings and nieces and nephews. She would try to manipulate us for information and to take sides with her against our parents. She also had a hobby of having my grandparents sign wills every couple of weeks leaving everything to her. I always said she chose what was important to her and that the money was the only family she truly loved. I refused to clean her grave for years. I might have encouraged people to pee on it, too. Well, at least I'm honest about it, not proud, but honest.
      Anyway, I relented a couple years ago, not many, but a couple. I thought I'd won because I outlived her, afterall, and it was time to move on. Gramma would have wanted it that way.

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    2. Her son walked out on me and the children one day. I was going to stay with him till my youngest was 18 so none of them would be caught in a California custody fight. He was verbally and mentally abusive that just got worse with age. I still have to deal somewhat with him but most of all like his mother I never think of him if I can.

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  20. I have had two mothers in law. The first one had twelve children so was quite used to other halves and treated us all the same. Lovely woman.
    My second mother in law only lived about a year after the farmer and I married - I knew her very well and had done for some years. She was a lovely lady.
    I think I have been jolly lucky.

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  21. My first MIL is a bitch, she advised me to wear lavender when I married her son as I was soiled goods. She tried to persuade her son that our firstborn wasn't his child. Now I am divorced from her son she sings my praises to his 2nd wife!
    My 2nd MIL was lovely, she died of cancer last November.

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    1. Soiled goods? What a vile thing to say,Did she realise she was insulting her son as well as you. x

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    2. No, she didn't think it was an insult to him as men are supposed to sow their wild oats!

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  22. My first MIL was OK and no problem, but my current husband's ma, OMG - she didn't like me and in the light of recent events on the Archers, I think she may have been a Narcissist. She said DREADFUL things to me (always out of earshot of her darling son) such as "Your hair's not your strong point, is it Jennie?", or "You're surprisingly light on your feet aren't you?" (I was just over 10 stone then), and used to play me off against my s-in-law, but we knew what she was up to! She said stuff I won't share here, and although you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, I can make an exception in her case!!

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  23. My MIL is a very sweet, intelligent, hard working, family oriented, loving, generous lady who is rightfully proud of her immigrant, Italian descent. I literally have to make up "bad" things about her. I tell my husbear not to call her on his phone because she'll see it's him and won't pick it up. I tell him to use my phone if he really wants to talk to her. Absolute rubbish, but it's so much fun to tease him like this. When she calls me, he fidgets like he's sitting on a nest of red ants until we hang up, when he immediately asks what she had to say. (Because the curiosity of why she's calling me just kills him) I always says Oh, we talked about this or that and she said you were a dick......which she would never do, but I told you I have make up stuff to say anything bad about her.

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    1. So mean and so funny hehehe x

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  24. My MIL, who by the way was genuinely called Winnie, was like the devil when it came to Sunday dinners. She'd say to me, "More mashed potato Neil?" or "A few more sprouts?" or "Another Yorkshire pudding, Yorkshire Pudding?" and I would say "No thanks I have got plenty here". But Winnie would ignore my refusals and dump the extra food on my plate anyway. Perhaps it's because she really believed that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

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  25. Husband always brags by saying that his MIL is better than mine. Greetings Maria x

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  26. My mil lives over 300 miles away from us, so we hardly see her. I however am a mil and I try to be an easy going friendly one. I'm not sure if the girls like me though!!

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  27. I've had three and loved them all dearly....maybe their kids not so much on the other hand.

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  28. She might see this so I will only say that she has started asking for my recipes. I take that as a compliment. The rest is zipped up.

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  29. My MIL and I were always just cordial. We tolerated each other. In truth we aren't oil and water, we are salt water and well water. Similar but not. A month and a half ago I was with her when she was diagnosed with stage 4 squamous cell cancer. The treatment has been grueling. Through it we have found a shared sense of humor. She even offered to will me her massive hoard of cardless envelopes!

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  30. I have no MIL stories since my husband's mother died when he was 16. I think my MIL and I would have liked each other :)

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  31. Well my MIL didn't like me very much but she kept it to herself mostly. The best advice she gave me was always rinse things before putting them in the dishwasher so the filter stays clean. It was good advice.

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  32. My partners mother is a horror. I call her the smiling assassin , or the smiling viper . I have tried over the years but have given up on her . She is a nasty piece of work.

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  33. i will read all these tomorrow after my mil gets on the train back to Broadstairs
    Thank you all

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  34. My first MIL turned up to our church wedding in a headscarf in her hubby's roofing lorry with the ladders and tar pan strapped to the back. Her contribution to the wedding was a tin of ham and a jar of pickled onions - there was some pickled onions left at the end of the night and she was seen pouring them back into the jar which she took home with her - my children always called her the old witch (can't imagine who they got that one from!) - she was never Granny to them - no we never did get on and not seeing her ever again was one of the added perks of divorcing her prat of a son xx

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  35. My mother-in-law was a lovely woman and we generally got along very well. Our only area of contention was my name: I kept my birth name after marriage rather than taking their surname. She couldn't understand why I would do this. Since childhood, I had always felt that it was bizarre that women not only lost their last names, but, in many cases, their first names when they became "Mrs. Somebody." I thought that was appalling. By the time I married, in my thirties, my writing career was established and I had professional reasons as well as personal for keeping my own name.

    My mother in law used to send me all manner of lovely little notes and letters, all addressed to "Mrs. Robert Stover". I found it irritating but thought that the messages inside the envelope were most important and that we might work out a way to agree to disagree on the name thing, which we did. She continued to address me as "Mrs. Robert Stover" and I continued to be Kathy McCoy and we just stopped bothering each other about it -- and enjoyed a loving relationship until her death a decade later.

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  36. my ex-husband's mother was extraordinarily AWFUL. she was paranoid (someone is tapping my phone/looking in my windows/etc.), shrill, delusional, vindictive, and she could not cook worth a damn. she thought herself to be the reincarnation of blanche dubois. and she HATED me; I wasn't good enough for her son, she would say. no, bitch, YOUR son was NOT good enough for ME! she died in 2011.

    current husband's mother liked me and did not butt into our business. the last 15 years of her life she was slow and senile and bitchy. she died last march 2015.

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  37. i had the worst MIL anyone could imagine. the happiest day of my life was when she finally died. three years later and i still pinch myself when i realize she is gone for good!

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    1. Wow, those are strong words.
      I can relate that you being a great cook/house keeper. Your MIL should be grateful.

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  38. Sadly, neither the MIL nor I could stand one another. She even took it out on my kids (rejected them) as a way to get back at me. Whatever. She's gone now.

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  39. So interesting reading the comments... makes me realize that my first MIL wasn't so strange afterall... (I was 15 when dating my first husband - she wasn't even 34 years old)... We never got along, but the hardest thing was that when he and I split, she pretty much disowned my kids as well. I wish I'd had more opportunity to know my 2nd MIL... but she passed away way too soon.... my only consolation is that my husband's sister (who still lived at home) told me later that her Mom was glad that Bill (my husband) was finally happy. I think I'd have liked her ;-)

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  40. I've had three mothers-in-law. The first was mildly annoying; the second one of the most delightful, thoughtful people I have ever known. The third was a harpy and a shrew. She invited the family for a major holiday meal, then called back and said she didn't like one of my sons (from a former marriage), so she was "uninviting" him. She actually expected that the rest of us would travel 500 miles and stay overnight while leaving a 12-year-old home. I don't miss her.

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  41. I'm going on record: you missed NOTHING by not seeing that movie. Except a bout of depression.

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  42. I'm going on record: you missed NOTHING by not seeing that movie. Except a bout of depression.

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  43. My mother-in-law lived across the street from me for 24 years. She would call to tell me, the kids left the fridge door opened, this she could see from her couch, across the street! Five years ago we moved, I told her we can finally trust kids to close fridge! I love her!

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  44. My Mother-in law died at 47 just after we were married. She was so patient with her new daughter-in-law . So kind and loving. I try to be like her with my son-in-law.So far, being supportive and positive has been a successful recipe and I am welcomed at every visit. Accept their lives and find positives at every chance...peace/love/family!!!

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  45. Haha, that is how I described the Lady in the Van when I saw it. "I didn't fancy sitting through Maggie Smith playing Maggie Smith"

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    1. Doesn't Maggie Smith always play Maggie Smith? She was one of the characters in the Harry Potter movies, but she was still Maggie Smith.

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  46. My MIL lives in Wales, we are in Vermont, so we do not have to worry about liking each other, nontheless she is a sweetie. She is a devout catholic who lived through the bombings of WW2 and I think she still believes that we are living in sin even after 22 years because we were only married by a judge...

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  47. I live in California, as did my in-laws. My MIL was Welsh and had severe depression. In addition, she was nuts. My FIL was English and charming and dapper and very funny. the MIL didn't care much for me and cared even less for our children.
    My husband wasn't fond of my parents either. We've been together for 45 years and rarely even speak of any of them. They've all been dead for ages.
    I loved The Lady in the Van. Just saying...

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  48. I am amazed there are so many bad MIL's out there. I never knew.

    Mine is a sweet lady and as much a friend as a MIL.

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  49. Thankfully my in-laws were an ocean away, which meant I didn't land in jail. They were horrid, demeaning and abusive when my sweetheart was growing up and had absolutely nothing to do with their (only) grandchildren. After we were married they would ring us up on their regular drunks and treat me to a round of barely intelligible abusive language. They're both gone now and my strongest feeling about them is disdain.

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  50. I hated my MIL because the ex-husband said she hated me. I don't think she really did, but I didn't find out until we got divorced and she was very supportive. It's true it was a difficult relationship. She was very domineering. She criticized me for not putting Ivory dish soap in my baby boy's bath water. She spelled my name incorrectly for years (used my mother's name instead of mine). Criticized me for breast feeding my babies. I couldn't do anything right. She's in her eighties now and quite mellow. She was quite kind to me for a while after the divorce. Now she's returned to believing her sociopath son. She loves to brag about his accomplishments and education. I bet she doesn't brag about his psychotic break when he thought he was god.

    Love,
    Janie

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  51. We didn't really understand each other. It was only after she died that I came to understand her better. Things made sense and I could see why she did the things she did. She was abused as a child and I believe that she was the best person she could be given her circumstances.

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  52. I loved mine and wish she was still with us. Sorry, no funny stories. :)

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  53. Mine was Swedish, with an unusual/amusing sense of gastronomy; need I say more?

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    1. At least she kept me amused!

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    2. Seems to be rare here so good for you.

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  54. I love my MIL dearly. She's always been wonderful to me and frequently thanks me for making her son happy. I couldn't ask for more. I'm proud to say that I gained a second mom when I married my husband!

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  55. My first MIL was a tiny thing with a huge beehive (in the late 80s!) and blue eyeshadow. She ran a bookie's agency, chain smoked and was as tough as nails. I loved her - she was funny and smart. My second was a strange woman but then her son was pretty strange. My third was also pretty strange, and so was her son. Then I actually got married instead of living in sin (so maybe these were all Mother Out Laws)and my current MIL, Lady Sylvia (our little joke) is awesome. She has a black belt in tai chi and even in her 80s, she practises it daily. We write actual letters to one another, as she is deaf as a post and my voice has no edges so she can't hear me on the phone. I find her playful, fun, open minded and sometimes a little irritating. My husband finds her constantly irritating!

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  56. I would rather have had the Lady in the Van as a mother in law than the German horror I ended up with. Let's just say I had the last laugh and leave it at that. :)

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  57. If you have ever watched Ronnie Corbet in ''Sorry'' then that almost sums it up.

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  58. I love my mother in law and respect her like I respect all strong, self-assured women. In fact I like her better than I like my own mum (I think I would divorce myself if I had my mum as a mother in law-if that makes any sense!). And she seems to mostly like me. Except when she told my husband 'in private' that she's very worried that her grandson (my son, who was 2 months old at the time) will never be able to speak English properly because 'his mum' (me) has such a strong foreign accent. All I can say, lady, is that's what you get when your son marries a foreigner, duh! For the record, I do have an accent, but our son speaks flawless English, and luckily for him, NOT with a Geordie accent (my husband is a Geordie). He sometimes sounds very Oxbridge, which is hilarious, since he's 3 and we live in Germany!

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  59. The first time I met the MIL she asked if my mum was the one who "Went with all the Yanks at the airbase?". No, that was my aunt.

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  60. I've had three mothers-in-law: the first was a sweetie, the second refused to come to our wedding, and the third died many years before I even met my husband. I really like my two sons-in-law, and I hope they don't have horrible MIL stories to tell about me!

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  61. I will tell you my favourite MIL story, but about my mother, not me. When she and my father were still engaged she and her future MIL had an evening out to see a film or a play. When they returned to MIL's home, where my mother was staying for the night, both felt the dark house was a bit spooky and they decided to check out the bedroom to make sure there was no strange man lurking. My future grandmother looked at her daughter-in-law to be and said, "We better look under the bed ... but what should I do if someone is there???

    Without batting a eye, but mother replied, "Ask him if he's got a friend...!"

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  62. My MIL loves me, sometimes, I think, more than her own son, lol!

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  63. Thats not hard you are adorable

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  64. The main thing about my mother in law is that she's totally self-absorbed, with no interest at all in what Jenny and I are doing with our lives. But at least she doesn't criticise us and tell us we should be doing something quite different.

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  65. My M-I-L was an embittered, evil woman. She psychologically abused my husband when he was growing up (you'll never amount to anything, why can't you be like your older brother, I wish I had never had you...etc) and never said a kind word to me. He has gotten well past it and basically gave her the finger when we eloped over 32 years ago. She didn't pick me out and I am not Ukrainian, not even a little bit. (Hub is 100% - second generation in the States) She died right before our 15th wedding anniversary.

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  66. My MIL sat in my sitting room, and in front of her only son ( she had 4 daughters) she announced she hated men and that all men were bastards.Her late husband did not physically,mentally , emotionally or financially abuse her. Her son took his own life. Wonder why.Maybe years of growing up in her care.

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  67. My dad's MIL (my Welsh granny) was so unpleasant to my dad it was unbelievable. She hated him because he was English, saying things like "don't think you can pull the wool over my eyes just because I'm Welsh" - should have put a bag over her head frankly! Her husband tried to commit suicide and my mom found him as a young girl. He said you won't understand why I did it now, but one day you will - and she did. With my own American ex-MIL I would say we circled each other apprehensively initially because I absolutely would not have her running my life (as she did with her daughter and other son), and no I didn't go to Church and had no intention of starting. As we got used to each other over the years I guess we both backed off a bit and grew to like each other, although she did like to be the centre of attention and for the 26 years of my marriage she was always sitting sniffling (dying?) on the sofa. Why she couldn't have "died" in the bedroom beats me - she ruined many a good TV programme I can tell you. That being said, she could be very funny and I think we ended up well together. Even now I call her occasionally and have a good old natter. I guess none of us are perfect though are we.

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  68. One of my MIL's quotes ~ "I wish Bobby would have married someone who knew her place"--I have many more but that is the first one I came up with ! Who ended up caring for her the last years of her life (90 yrs old+) the one who didnt "know her place".
    Hope I got a point for the 50+ yrs I did for her.
    As for now "being a MIL" I send gifts and love and keep my mouth shut no matter what !

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