Wednesday, 2 March 2016

Marriage One Year On - Some Thoughts


We are in the middle of a snow blizzard here in Trelawnyd. It's not sticking as yet but I 've been effectively marooned in the cottage until it's all over.
Mary, I note is the only animal awake, she is stood with her head out of the cat flap.
She is watching the snow fall.
She has never seen it before.

This weekend marks our first anniversary.
I cannot believe a year has passed since we got married.
Here are a few thoughts I have on the whole thing.

  • A married colleague stopped me soon after the wedding and asked me " If things felt different". I wasn't sure just what she meant by the question and asked her if she felt different and she replied with some feeling that " getting married validated her relationship " " It said to the world that we were together" .....................instantly I understood what she meant. Marriage , didn't validate me as a person at all ( Gawd I had been happily single for most of my early adult life) but it did validate  the Prof and I , as a couple and that felt wonderfully inclusive
  • Before we got married , the Prof and I underplayed the whole thing. This underplaying, on reflection, was a product of the fact that gay marriage was such a " new" phenomenon. For us , civil partnership, always seemed like a second class event so I think we were not quite sure just how the whole thing would eventually pan out. As it happened we were overwhelmed by how people saw the whole thing. They seemed to embrace the event, they seemed to embrace the celebrations and they embraced us as a couple and this suddenly mattered so very much ......as my best " woman" Nuala said in her after dinner speech " who would have believed a few years ago that two men who loved each other could ever get married......how wonderful is that?" ....and she was so bloody right
  • Getting married is the best thing I have ever done..........hey ho


87 comments:

  1. Congratulations to you both, hasn't the year gone quick!

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  2. Absolutely no thoughts of divorce yet. That's a very good sign.....
    Congratulations!

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  3. I hope you have many more anniversaries!

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  4. Happy First Anniversary John (& Chris). The first anniversary requires a paper gift so time for a bit of intensive origami this afternoon!

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  5. A year already?! Happy anniversary to both of you! Our wedding in December was a validating experience as well, so I totally get what you mean.

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    1. Happy anniversary - and you're right it doesn't seem a year since you got married. May you have many more to celebrate :-)

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    2. Steve, it felt I was looked on as an equal in the eyes of everyone including the law of the land

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  6. Happy Anniversary and Many More to Come!

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  7. much love to you both on your first!

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  8. Happy Anniversary to you both! I hope you both have many more years of wedded bliss in store!

    xx

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  9. Best wishes to you both - anything planned to mark the occasion?

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    Replies
    1. We are having a spa day at the hotel we stayed at after the wedding.....

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  10. Well done you two for making it through the first year, and raising my glass (of water unfortunately because we are out of wine at the moments) and saying 'Cheers! And here's to another year, and another, another, and so on.....'

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  11. Happy Anniversary to you both and here's to many more too :)

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  12. Happy Anniversary .. Wishing you many many more happy years together ..

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  13. Carlos and I have been together 15+ years, and have been married about a year-and-a-half.
    The differences are subtle, but my favorite is saying to people, "This is my husband."

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    1. Oops ... and Congratulations to you and The Prof!
      Cheers to many more!

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    2. Yes , saying the word husband is very empowering is it not, i do enjoy saying it

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  14. Congratulations. Mr Him and I aren't married. I think it would add validation. I can understand that.

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  15. I totally get it, John.
    Congratulations.

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  16. Has it really been a year? Amazing. You're old married folks now. Happy Anniversary!

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  17. Happy First Anniversary and Best Wishes for Many More!

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  18. Happy anniversary, guys! :-D xx

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  19. Good for you (both). Happy anniversary.

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  20. The year has flown so quickly by... congratulations to you both.

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  21. Happy anniversary. May you have many more.

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  22. Thank you for sharing your wedding and your first year of marriage with us. You have a beautiful love story and you've made a beautiful life together. Congratulations! I'm glad I lived to see a sensible world.

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    1. Nicely put nora thank you

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  23. How wonderful. Husbear and I have been married almost 2 years. We've been together 8 years but waited until Pennsylvania allowed same sex marriage.
    What changed? Well, now I refer to him as my husbear, or occasionally as spouse. We're legal for things like taxes, which I'm getting done tonight, health information etc. What's mine is his and what's his is his so nothing changed there.

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    Replies
    1. For me the change is subtle
      A subtle feeling of validation

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  24. All good. And thank you for sharing your life with us. It's such a beautiful window into your world.

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  25. congrats. there is something a little different about being married as opposed to just living together.

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  26. Congratulations to you both for a year well done! Marriage gives a person a bit of permanence even if one is not gay. Glad to hear you have that special something!

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  27. One year on and nary a single regret. Well done to both! Sounds like a strong case for 'Scotch eggs all round' - to include the pawed ones, of course.

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  28. Congratulations!
    Arilx

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  29. The year since your wedding day has gone so quickly. Happy Anniversary to you both. Xx

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  30. I was married at the age of 21 ... it was a very long marriage in modern day terms .. There was never a moments regret, never a thought of anything or anyone else .. we would look at each other sometimes and smile and one of us would say I love you, smiling because we knew the other was thinking the same thing at that moment. My only regret is that I didn't have about 40 more years with him.

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    1. You had what so many people want hold onto those sweeter memories

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  31. Acá no hay nieve. Sólo en sectores cordilleranos y las zonas muy australes, así que no sé qué se siente ver nevar por la ventana.
    ¡Feliz aniversario. Casarse es un gran paso, aunque sea un mero trámite legal. Que sean muy felices.
    Un abrazo
    Maru

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    1. There is no snow here. Only in the high mountains area and at that way down South, so I have no idea what you feel watching the snow come down while sitting by the window.
      Happy Anniversary! To get married is indeed a big step even tho it may be just a legal step. I wish you both the
      very best and much happiness. A hug from

      Maru

      (Some times it is nice to see that even in other parts of the world someone can be happy for others, is it not?

      Allegra

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    2. Oh, qué dulce y amable ! Me conmueve demasiado :)

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    3. Allegra, thank you so much for that how generous of you xxxxx

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  32. Its a beautiful thing, isn't it! Happy Anniversary! May you have many, many more!

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  33. Good grief, is it a year already? That has flown around. Do we all get an invite to the silver wedding cos that will arrive before you know it... oh and happy anniversary to you both. x

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  34. Congratulations.

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  35. Congratulations!!!! I hope that it is just the first of many many happy years of marriage for you both!! I remember taking to a gay friend on the phone well over 20 years ago who said that he would never get married and I said that you never know. We lost touch since then, so I don't know if he has or will marry, and I hope he has or will, but even if he doesn't, how great that he has the option to if he wants to. As long as people are happy that is the most important thing I think. After all, there are so many miseries around aren't there and who wants to be one of them! xx p.s. sorry to have been missing lately, I have been icky! cough cough hack hack splutter! xx

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    1. Nice to have you back xxx

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  36. May the path go a long way, filled with joy and serenity. Congratulations! Greetings Maria x

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  37. Happy Anniversary!

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  38. Happy anniversary to you both x

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  39. Happy Anniversary to you both. You have made me choke up a little. I'm happy for you and everyone who can now make their relationships legally binding.

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  40. Happy anniversary to a lovely couple xxx

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    1. Thank you val.....we will be there on monday for you and peter x

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  41. Happy Anniversary to you both. This first year seems to have flown by so fast.
    I know there is the legal inclusive part but what I love is that you two were able to say I love you and get married. As it should be,
    I am tearing up right now with happiness for you both.

    cheers, parsnip

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  42. Happy anniversary!

    I asked a gay friend the same thing; he and his husband had been together at least 15 years before it became legal in his state. Like you, he said he felt it validated the relationship he and his husband have.

    Another gay friend and former colleague, in another state, who always wanted to marry her partner, was finally legally able to do so. When we were on the phone talking about a job opportunity she had received from a recruiter and thought another former colleague and i might be interested, I asked if she had indeed married her partner.

    She replied she had, and I noted the joy in her voice. Then a brief pause, and she added softly, "I never thought I'd see it in my lifetime."

    We both cried a little bit.

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    1. And that is exactly why it is such a wonderful thing and so amazing

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  43. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to you both!
    The first thirty years are the most difficult! X

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  44. Happy, Happy Anniversary!!!

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  45. Happy Anniversary you two. And enjoy the snow Mary!

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  46. Congratulations on your first (of many) anniversaries.
    LOVE that poster.

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  47. I was in grade school when I got married and I was so looking forward to the 40th anniversary. We spoke of doing a long loong trip .. the UK , Paris and back to BA.

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  48. Congratulations John and Chris, may you have many happy years together.

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  49. Happy anniversary.
    Marriage is about commitment I think. It shows the world and each other that you mean the world to each other.

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  50. Happy Anniversary to you and the Prof! I remember when you two got married....that was the first time I ever commented on your blog and I truly was happy for the both of you! I wish you two all the best.

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  51. Happy anniversary and all the best for many more years of married bliss!

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  52. happy anniversary. this year seems to have flown by! i love that last sign.

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  53. Love is a many splendoured thing. xxx

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    1. I always loved jennifer jones

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  54. Being married is great for those of us who are made for it, I think. Even though we had been together almost a decade before we got married -- not our choice but that of the plodding foot-dragging US of A -- something clicked on for both of us during the wedding itself. And we both make a point of casually using the husband-word, exactly the way others say "wife" or "husband". I have noticed that these days no one blinks when we say it. We got matching "Trophy Husband" tee shirts to mark the day. Our second anniversary is March 24. So congratulations to you and the good prof on yours. It's never too late, eh, wot?

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    1. Love idea of the matching tees!

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  55. Happy anniversary and best wishes.

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  56. Happy Anniversary . . .
    How very wonderful . . .

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  57. Happy anniversary, I am so glad marriage is now for everyone.

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  58. Bit late to the party as usual but Happy Anniversary John andTthe Prof! Wish my benighted government would get their dinosaurian arses into gear and make it legal here too. Ridiculous!

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    1. My thoughts exactly TLM......and a very Happy Anniversary John and Prof....x

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  59. A very very long time ago when I was about 21 ish I worked in hospitality with a wonderful very camp gay man, whose partner worked in a very small, sober and serious engineering company. The annual xmas dinner dance at the engineering company invitation came out saying '----- plus one'. My camp friend asked me if I would accompany his partner as 'it wouldn't really go down too well if I went with him'. I had a strange night....dressed up in a long frock and treated so beautifully by a gentlemanly Mr Engineering. Anyway this is a long winded way of saying Happy Anniversary to you both and how wonderful that times have changed.xx

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  60. Can't believe it is a year gone by already! Congratulations to you and Chris, and I wish you many more happy years together. xx

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  61. I LOVE that photo. Thanks for sharing it and your thoughts.

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  62. Congratulations John and Chris! I love that we have the option now to marry, at least in some places in the world. Have a wonderful spa day!

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  63. In 3 weeks time we will have been married for 38 years. I'm sure I can speak for Himself when I say that

    'We have it all, we have the best of times, we have a life that dreams are made of' (reworked words of Mike Hanrahan)

    I wished that for you both on your Wedding Day and now again on your first anniversary.

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  66. I agree! Spouse & I were together for nearly 20 years before we could get married, so WE didn't feel any differently about out life together, but it felt important to take that step which made our longtime union legal and valid in the eyes of the state. Happy anniversary!!

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