Wednesday, 9 March 2016

If You're Reading This I'm Asleep

To appreciate this blog entry you need to know our early morning sleeping arrangements! ( oohh err)
The Prof is an early riser.
I hate early mornings.
He is up around 5-5.30am, I am clinically unconscious at that time. 
However , it is up to me to drag myself out of bed to walk the dogs down the lane. I don't mind the job and will never complain about it, come rain or snow or whatever, we wander into the dark, have pees and poos then we all return to bed for another blissful sleep. 
It is then I don my eye patch! I don't apologise for the fact. With the Prof pottering for a hour before his commute, my eye patch gets me back to sleep as effectively as a double gin and tonic.
I usually wake up naturally around 8 am .
Today it was 5 to 9!!!!!!! ..............so I hurled myself out of bed, got dressed in a fashion and dashed out to let the hens and the geese out of their houses. I filled the lurid purple paddling pool with water, fed the ewes and filled the hen feeders with layers pellets before hiding them under the main hen house to protect them from the rain. 
I took Mary for a wee walk, waved at a couple of mums bringing their kids in late for school and gave  Graham the sheep farmer the thumbs up as he drove past to feed his pregnant ewes. 
I made breakfast, and coffee and answered a passing woman's request for eggs with a cheerful apology before sitting down with Mary to read the news.
Only then did I realise that perched on the top of my head was my bleeding eye patch!


67 comments:

  1. Oh, you are your own comic novel! I hope you didn't really have a pee and a poo in the dark. We can't really take your word for it, obviously.

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  2. You are obviously not a prinker. Or the kind of person who glances into shop windows; car windows or the silly little windows on car visors. My problem is leaving my skirt tucked into my knickers when leaving a public toilet. The kind people tell me but the others do not. My children despair of me but my granny used to do so I am in good company. Love Andie xxx

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    1. Im too ugly to be a prinker!

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  3. John what is there to say? cept you are a bloody star my friend.

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  4. Wish I lived near you John - your antics would brighten most days.

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  5. Well, it's a very witty accessory.

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  6. And I bet nobody so much as raised an eyebrow, they're so used to such things.

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  7. Ha! You crack me up. I'm more like the prof -- up early naturally every day. Don't know why!

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  8. You never fail to make me laugh.....even my husband now says "I take it you're reading John's blog?"

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  9. Oh how classic! I can relate to all you fit in early morning with the animals. I love the eye mask. xxx

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  10. john you are too too much to read at 6:15a! I just woke up and spouse has presented me with coffee.

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  11. I can imagine what dressed in a fashion means. You had your pj bottoms on under what you were wearing. I am inclined to be an early riser, I think, naturally about 6 to 6:30 if in bed by 11. R sleeps late and then has a long afternoon nap as well.

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  12. I too am an early riser. Tony on the other hand could sleep the clock round. My idea of a sleep in is 07.00. . I shall sleep a long time when I am dead.... in the meantime I am squeezing every second out of every day

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  13. HA! HA! HA!
    When you say, "we wander into the dark, have pees and poos then we all return to bed for another blissful sleep." I sincerely hope that you take biodegradable toilet paper with you and avoid nettles!

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  14. As you keep us entertained with the goings-on in the village, somewhere a villager is writing a blog dedicated to the daily eccentricities of their neighbouring dog owner. Must try and find it...

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  15. Priceless. And it couldn't just be some nondescript, black eye patch, could it? I can see the hens not saying anything to you... but nobody gave a little nod and a point to the head? Or are they just so used to you by now that it doesn't even occur to them that something is out of the ordinary? -Jenn

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  16. My hens would shout at me if they were kept incarcerated until 8am never mind 9am. I'm up and over there at 7am every day and even then I kept squawked at for my troubles ..... I do admit I'm still in my dressing gown at weekends.

    I wish I lived a bit nearer to you .... just think of all the fantastic blogging material I would have to go with the sly photos of you in various garbs around the village ;-)

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    1. They were not happy sue and somewhat vociferous in their reaction

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  17. I hope we are laughing with you - we are laughing. I'd love to have you as a neighbor.

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  18. The best part of my day lately- sitting here waiting for the coffee to be ready and reading your blog.
    Thank you so much .
    C

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  19. I'll say it again, you need your own sitcom. Thank you for another bright smiley morning of reading.

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  20. Bloody nutter. Love it.

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  21. I have to get up every morning at 0500 for work. And I hate it. 5 more years until Freedom 53. And I can't wait. Then I may very well get an eye patch too! :)

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    1. Like bette davis in The Anniversary" ?

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  22. I'm slowly getting a very clear picture of life in Trelawnyd.

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  23. Oh, that story will make the rounds in the village!

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  24. There are few so entertaining in their daily life. Thank you.

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  25. Your friends and neighbors probably didn't think a thing of it. I think you have endeared yourself to them with your oddities. Have a most pleasant day, John.

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  26. We all need one of those! Thank you for sharing your life, John Gray. It is one of the small and lovely joys of my life.

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  27. Thank you for writing your blog and making me laugh. I can't wait to read about your antics. Love the news on the animals as well.

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  28. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  29. Same reaction as everyone else - your life is a novel, a brighter look at the everyday. (I could say a comedy act, too.) Anyhow, I sure appreciate reading your posts every morning. When you don't have me laughing, I'm tearing up over some touching story, and that's okay too. Thanks!

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  30. Same reaction as everyone else - your life is a novel, a brighter look at the everyday. (I could say a comedy act, too.) Anyhow, I sure appreciate reading your posts every morning. When you don't have me laughing, I'm tearing up over some touching story, and that's okay too. Thanks!

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    1. I make it all up, i am actually a 24 year old lesbian from south london

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    2. There is no answer for that John LOL ... except maybe you don't look 24 .

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  31. I can always count on your blog to brighten my day.

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    1. Doc, Me too ! and since my day today was pretty crappy, I am reading it again tonight !

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  32. You could start a new fashion, John

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  33. I am sure that your neighbours didn't give it a second glance being so used to your idiosyncrasies! Did you have your PJ bottoms hanging out of your trackies too and toothpaste around your moosh? :-)

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    1. Lol, i was actually wearing my long johns and a coat!

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  34. Every body there knows you....it wouldn't have surprised them at all! x

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  35. Another fine and funny post - you made me truly laugh out loud ... but, as another commenter noted, never fear - we are laughing WITH you!

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    1. You can laugh at me too......i am used to that too

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  36. Made my morning !

    cheers, parsnip

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  37. Wonderful! The villagers probably wouldn't turn a hair if you wore much worse on your head but we all loved the story!

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    1. I picked the Prof up from the station this evening in carpet slippers

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  38. I am with the Prof. My partner, given his druthers, gets up at the crack of noon.
    I am so grateful that you admit (freely and often) to satorial slipups). It makes me feel more normal.

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  39. everyone just thought you were really organised and ready for your afternoon nap

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  40. Daft as a brush....in the nicest possible way!

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  41. I can think of any number of people -- some of whom are running for president of the United States -- who should wear a warning sign like that on their heads at all times.

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    1. Better than a comb over!

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  42. Oh John, you allow us to laugh with you! Several times, an even a workday I had my shirt on backwards. Thank goodness I saw it before I went in the pharmacy. I just chalked it up to another opps of many. Lol.. Your blog is a joy to read!

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  43. You sir are one funny man....your blog is fab and my husband now knows I am not going mad when I have the iPad on and burst out laughing...he knows I am reading your blog!!

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    1. I can totally relate to this :)

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  44. Oh John, How you make me laugh! This after reading Fucking Pussy Willows. Too much. I often wear a sleep mask also as I require total darkness to sleep well. But I have to get one like yours.

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  45. Oh John, How you make me laugh! This after reading Fucking Pussy Willows. Too much. I often wear a sleep mask also as I require total darkness to sleep well. But I have to get one like yours.

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