"I'll admit I may have seen better days,
but I'm still not to be had for the price of a cocktail,
like a salted
OUCH! Maybe second time is kicker?! Whatever that saying is!! Take care John....you only have one arse!!
Jimbo this , is, in fact time number three!
that's karma that is, for the electric dog fence.....
What kind of bleach do you use, for God's sake? I don't know of any variety which will burn your arse unless you drench it for about 8 hours.
How the hell do you know? ...its sainsburys 50p bleech in a yellow bottle...
All beach will burn.......sigh
I know because I once drenched my arse in bleach as an experiment, and it took 8 hours to burn.
Are you now a bleached blonde?
Only my arse hair x
????? no pix, please.
No wide angled lens x
You have one sensitive arse!
Never a true word
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David , have you ever injured your arsehole? Lol
I had to use my inhaler after reading that!Just don't start chopping chilli peppers after drinking tea..
Good Grief! Makes we wonder if I should still Clorox the damned toilet.... I mean, we're in a rental... how much does the damned float allow water to fill up the bowl? Things I never had to think about before reading your blog.....
Any cortisone cream will help. Just Vaseline will fix it.So about using straight bleach .. buy something less toxic and use that ... but if you just take some alcohol on a paper towel and swipe the seat , there will be no germs and your bottom will be safe.
I am not wasteing my wine... :-)
John, John, John. Take a damp cloth in the bathroom with you, to wipe the seat off after... And get some self-tanner for the pale ring around your bum!
No one loves bleach more than I do, John Gray but even I have to say- dude! you may be overdoing it.
I am sure that there are companies who manufacture reinforced toilet seats that could even accommodate King Kong's backside or that Tory twat Eric Pickles. You just need to do a bit of googling. Nobody needs a bleached arse.
Great post for a first time visitor. Bleach and skin not the same outcome as beach and skin. I suspect this might keep you off your arse for awhile.
Forget your ring of fire and explain how sitting on the rim of the cold toilet bowl is any better than on the seat. I also have a fat ass but manage very well to sit on the loo.
Razzzzzz ... you do not !!!! stop it ! lol ...
I want proof, including photographs.Love,Janie
I don't :-)
You've done this 3 times is mind boggling. I didn't know that bleach on the toilet seat could burn. Maybe we don't have the heavy duty stuff here in the states that you have over there?
So you are not the tough ass you led us to believe ...
Best. Comment. Ever!
So you fell into a burning ring of fire? You went down, down, down and the flames went higher....and it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire, the ring of fire...OK, so how high is your water? How strong is that bleach? How low does...oh never mind.
After my brother's wedding rehearsal dinner in Tokyo, a bunch of us went out for a drink in the Shinjuku district and one of my brother's college friends had to answer a call of nature. He was so unnerved by the heated toilet seat, he unplugged the toilet from the wall outlet.The fanciest toilets actually play music to cover shy ladies' exertions... I shit you not.
It was very brave of Prof to take that picture of your posterior and, my God, it looks every bit as painful as you say. You are so accident prone that I shouldn't be surprised to read that one day you left your tail dangling in the bowl.
Ouch... doesn't bear thinking about :-)
"You don't need to know the details." Um, I think it's a little too late for that... ;)
What pleasant images your blog conjures up this morning, John. Just the thing over breakfast, and to send many of us on our way.....
We always used to call Robin Cook The Baboon's Bum.
What IS that photograph of John?
It's a cheap way of getting anal bleaching done, although why anybody would is beyond me!
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Some old song lyrics popped into my head "Burning ring of fire". Trying to feel your pain but quite honestly,laughing! x
You can be too clean you know! Did you dilute the bleach before wiping the toilet? I am sure that undiluted bleach should only be used inside the bowl! Your bum didn't drop down that far did it? Anyway, I hope that your burning sensation soon subsides! x
Good god, man! Time to invest in some organic cleaning products!
Yikes...too much information !!
Oh, John, once again you've shocked me with your sharing. However, you DO have my sympathy.
So many images in my head. I've seen some references about anal bleaching which is apparently something men and women have done to make the drapes match the slipcovers so to say. I use good, old PineSol in the bowl and I wipe down the seat and exterior toilet parts with Lysol or Comet bathroom/tub and tile cleaner. Maybe that's what you need to do, sequentially. Do your bowl, then wipe down the seat and outside parts with a clean cloth. I did the same thing with lye once, and once is all you'll do it because it left purple burns on my bum that lasted for months. I used it to strip off hard, enamel paint from the shelves of a hoosier cabinet. I wasn't paying attention to where the run off was going and where I was sitting. My bad.
Pond's cold cream applied to the burned area might give some relief, especially if one stores the jar in the 'fridge. But do take care to remove it prior to again attempting to be seated, lest one slide off...Where on earth did you obtain a photo of the bottom of a macaque in heat? (It does put your dog's little periodic problem in perspective.)
LOL, it has happened more than once in my house too. I keep hoping it will teach other residents of this house to get involved with keeping their own bathrooms clean but so far it isn't working.
:( -reminds me that I haven't bleached the toilet in years...we use all those other fancy blue-colored cleaners nowadays.
get some diaper rash cream and rub it on your iscial colosity.
Gives a whole new meaning to the term "catching the red eye"! Anna
See....the garden path definitely safer???...!!!!!
I can't believe you have dogs and none of them drink out of the toilet!! I guess they tasted bleach and decided to go to another pub!
ouch!! Perhaps keeping the seat down?
Please don,t use bleach, it should be banned!. I have watched 3 ladies dies of acute liver failure totally due to bleach!.overuse, had glasses of wine then used bleach, toxic mixture.Bleaching bathrooms then carpets, floors, fumes killed them.serious.Go lemon juice n vinegar in a pump spray does the same job!.
Ouch, I use bleach if it's diluted but don't scrub the toilet and bathtub with it. I buy comet bathroom cleaner. I turn the exhaust on and it still gets me gagging and coughing. I wonder what those strong cleaners do to our lungs?
OMG three times!!!! John, John, John. I've never bought bleach in my life. There are so many other products you could use that wouldn't burn the nether regions. Oh, and put the damn seat down!!
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Poor you but also ha ha
I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of themPlease dont be abusive x