Sunday, 3 January 2016

Now That The Party Is Over



There are lots of things we all want for ourselves at the beginning of the new year.
Perhaps we want to be healthier, fitter and more organised.
We aim to drink less, work harder and maybe limit our vices and our bad habits.
Whatever we aim to do, good intentions all, resolutions often fall away to nothing when February comes.

Last night I was thanked, via email, for being kind.
I tell you this only because it made me think that of all the virtues that we as humans like to think that we possess in bucket loads, kindness is the most overlooked but remains the most important.
" Kindness costs nothing" my mother used to say, a remark which was always a rebuke rather than affirmation and she was wrong, for kindness does cost something.
It costs a little thought and just a little effort.

The situation I found myself in yesterday was a sad one all round and like so many of complicated life moments it couldn't be fixed neatly and quickly for the overwhelming emotions involved were of hopelessness and despair.
In these days of counselling, therapy, problem solving and " intervention" the baby sometimes can get thrown out with the bathwater. Self help, getting a grip, sort yourself out, grow up get over it, whatever your perspective and stance, when faced with sadness, kindness above anything else is the way to help.
Kindness often never  solves anything.
But it softens the misery.

So perhaps forget the resolutions to keep up that gym membership and don't worry too much when you reach for that extra mini scotch egg from Tescos ( 1.99 for 10) .....just remind yourself that perhaps once a day, or twice a week...try and be kinder once in a while....

78 comments:

  1. The most important thing for me, about my 2nd husband is his kindness towards me. 25 years being married to someone who saw kindness as a weakness, makes me appreciate him so much

    ReplyDelete
  2. A great priest friend of mine used to say, "Be kind. If you can't be kind, then be kind. If you still can't be kind, be kind anyway." He lived this to the full, and I miss him still.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a brilliant quote, I love it. He must have been a wonderful priest.

      Delete
    2. Love this philosophy!

      Delete
  3. Having been the lucky recipient of great and small kindnesses, especially this past year, I completely agree with you .
    I have always tried to be kind .. sometimes it is harder than others . But even if the recipient isn't aware or appreciative, it still gives me a sort of satisfaction that at least I tried.. it doesn't take that much time or effort to be kind.
    But it makes such a huge difference to the recipient.
    My husband was very funny, a dry wit kind of funny and he could be very sarcastic , but he was one of the kindest people I ever met. I hope I grow up to be just like him :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. That is the best thing I've read so far this year! Resolution made....thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I dare anyone to disagree with this.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Kindness - what a light and gentle word - and yet how we choose to give (and receive) kindness, carries so much weight...lovely post John x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment is intensely beautiful and completely quote worthy - Thank you!

      Delete
  7. Totally agree with you. I have let my judgemental side take over in recent months (to my eternal shame). This year I aim to be a better person. The one I was before the fuckwittery messed my head up.
    Thank you for all your lovely words and pictures. You made my day, every day.
    x

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Kindness often never solves anything, but it softens the misery", is a wonderful statement. We all need a pat on the back and a helping hand when times are difficult.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wise words, John. Will do.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I find it hard to understand those who go out of their way to be unkind. I do feel sorry for them.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have a wooden 'pebble' with the simple phrase 'scatter kindness' burnt on to it - says it all really. You don't need to go over the top just keep it simple and often.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is lovely John. My days feel so good when I get a kind word, or even a smile from a stranger. I try to be kind too (not always easy) when someone is rude but they could be having a bad time too, and when one is going through a bad time it is difficult to stay in control of one's moods. As you say kindness doesn't solve the problem, but it does help alleviate. Greetings Maria x

    ReplyDelete
  13. You are endlessly kind, it is a part of your being.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Never be too busy to show a little bit of kindness to someone and for goodness sake, never be too embarrassed.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The only resolution we need. Random acts of kindness are the best sort.

    ReplyDelete
  16. "Life is mainly froth and bubble,
    Two things stand like stone
    Kindness in another's trouble,
    Courage in one's own"
    Adam Lindsay Gordon

    Your many kindnesses shine through your tales of daily life, John. It's a great 'resolution' and not just for new year. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  17. That's just beautiful. I do my best to be kind. I always told my son as he was growing up to treat others as you want to be treated. Well done you!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I always try to be kind, and people do say to me that I am a kind person. I don't do it or be it so that people will say that, I do it because people have not and are not always kind to me and I could not bear to be unkind to someone else and hurt them in the way that I am hurt. It does cost nothing in monetary terms to be kind, it does cost some thought, but that is cheap compared to the hurt that a lack of kindness can cause. I try and do the practical things for people, the shape up or ship out bit and the kindness and listening and caring bits. It is tough and I am sure that I get it more wrong than right, but I try and kindness is behind it all. You are most certainly a kind man John, I can tell by the way you write and the fact that you care for so many wayward and at times downright tricky animals - as in Winnie's recent antics whilst out visiting! You are kind!

    ReplyDelete
  19. "Be kind, just be kind," the phrase is say most often to my granddaughters, two little girls whose background was being bullied and bullying in return. They are better, of course, but not cured. I wonder how many life experiences are needed to come to the realization that kindness trumps all.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I do try to be kind. I will endeavour to be kinder. x

    ReplyDelete
  21. I have always struggled with the phrase "tough love" it just seems to be at war with itself. Where does kindness end and enabling begin? How can you do both?

    ReplyDelete
  22. i tell people this all the time. everyone can be a bit kinder.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Being kind isn't always easy or even convenient, but it has the potential to change everything...

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yes. This is my own resolution. Simply trying to be kinder.

    ReplyDelete
  25. You have made us all think brilliantly, Farmer John. Even tho I try my best to be kind and empathetic, a reminder is always welcome. Happy New Year to you and yours.

    ReplyDelete
  26. What a touching post.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Just a few words or a small gesture of kindness can make such a difference.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Nice thought. I will try!

    ReplyDelete
  29. A lovely post. It costs nothing to be kind. We (I) just need to be reminded sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  30. A lovely post. It costs nothing to be kind. We (I) just need to be reminded sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  31. My mentor told me to never commit myself to a resolution which I knew from the outset would be too difficult for me.
    So now, I rely solely upon self discipline :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. Kindness and compassion. I try to bring both of them into my life at all times, although sometimes I fail. I find that the people who need kindness and compassion the most are often the most difficult ones to give it to. So, yes, I try harder.
    You are a lovely man, John the dogs. xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  33. So often we forget to say things such as "You know, I like you", "I am pleased that I can count you as a friend", "Thanks for that. I appreciate it" and "Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings". Little words. Kindness can be shown through words as well as deeds. We should all try to be kinder to each other - a counterpoint to all the nastiness in the world right now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How true YP - agree wholeheartedly.

      Delete
  34. Well said kind sir.

    ReplyDelete
  35. John, you are so very right and it has reminded me of a favorite quote:

    “Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” – Mark Twain

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a wonderful quote.
      I have never read this before.

      cheers parsnip and thehamish

      Delete
  36. Kindness is my most favorite thing despite the fact that reading stories of acts of kindness reduces me to a soggy heap of tears and tissues.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Loved your blog. Thank you John. Happy New Year to you and the Prof x

    ReplyDelete
  38. Kindness in myself and others is the thing I value most. Always good to get a reminder.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Thank you all for your kind comments
    Xx

    ReplyDelete
  40. You are so right! I always think it's the kind staff member who is the most valuable member of any team - they don't necessarily know the most, but their "heart is in the right place".

    ReplyDelete
  41. You sound so sad John I hope you manage to sort out soon whatever is troubling you .Kindness is a gift which many people don't seem to have these days. Take care

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm fine sue, i think you misread the post x

      Delete
    2. So glad to hear it wasn't at your end but also sorry for the "other" person who was suffering .

      Delete
  42. Kindness is a rare and precious gift. And it is your kindness which keeps so many of us coming back to your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Kindness is the most wonderful attribute to have, and random acts of kindness make the givers and the receivers day better all round ... they're my favourite sort :-)

    ReplyDelete
  44. I am crazy about you and your blog posts! I run through the gamut of emotions reading what you have to say day to day...all of life is here..joy..sadness..touching moments with animals and people..buckets of humor..real life at its best..Thankyou!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Well said/written.

    I never make New Year resolutions.

    It costs nothing to show kindness...it costs nothing to share a smile. It's a shame more don't realise this to be so.

    May 2016 reciprocate...may it treat you kindly. :)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Such true words. If we were all just a bit kinder it would be a better world. X

    ReplyDelete
  47. Right on target John.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Splendid post John, Wise words.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Kindness is very important. We wanted to park the van at a scenic viewpoint today. On seeing the obligatory twit who needed to take two spaces in a crowded park, Amanda approached the drivers window, politely asked if he could 'shufty' over a bit into one space or another, smiled in a lovely warm and friendly way and thanked him genuinely. His response was to not even wind his window down, not comment, glance at her and dscowl........then move. I jammed the van in nice and tight because he was still overhanging by some considerable way. People eh? Mustn't stop trying though.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Kind people work their way into my heart and never leave... and I endeavour to follow their examples.

    ReplyDelete
  51. My lovely hubby tells me that I am the kindest person he has ever known. He tells me that I can see good in everyone.... even those who don't deserve it. I may never have been pretty and I will never be rich in a financial sense but it gladdens my heart to know he thinks that about me

    ReplyDelete
  52. I was the recipient of a lovely act of kindness/love recently. I was feeling proper poorly with the flu - coughing, sneezing, aching, exhausted, etc. when I received a text from my daughter-in-law, asking if I would be at home the next day. She had organised a grocery delivery for me, knowing I hadn't been out. Every item was selected with great care and was exactly what I needed. No medicine could have made me feel better.

    ReplyDelete
  53. While reading your blog, I always feel that you exude kindness, even when feeling a little snarky, you seem to do it with grace.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Thank you, lovely post. My kindness for today is to tell you 10 scotch eggs for £1.99 is too cheap, Gawd knows what would be in them for that price! Please treat yourself to better quality scotch eggs going forward. FYI I intend to take my own advice post haste ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  55. Can't Aunt Glad be persuaded to make your Scotch eggs, John? Surely, knowing your love for them, the whole village will have a go? If they each made you one? They could have a rota.
    1:99 for ten is a bit cheap to be of any decent quality - and like CC above, I wonder what goes into the sausage meat? Just hope the eggs aren't bought in bulk, all the way from China !

    ReplyDelete
  56. Agreed- thoughtful post for where would we be without kindness.
    Arilx

    ReplyDelete
  57. Being kind and being nice are underrated. My husband is both in bucketfuls. I don't think I am - I try to be but I have a cynical streak that I try to put aside. Which is why I appreciate kind people, like yourself, and my husband and lots of others xo

    ReplyDelete
  58. I couldn't agree more. All the things that make the modern world ugly are down to lack of respect and selfishness. Stop those and top up with kindness and we would have a 'perfect' world.
    Happy New year

    Jean

    ReplyDelete
  59. I think, unfortunately, we live in a world quick to complain and quick to comment to others when something goes wrong. We should remember to be quick to comment and praise people when something goes right and to say thank you. When I have to complain about something, I try to remember to praise on the good aspects first and then raise my concerns; not easy sometimes but it does make a difference to how the complaint is received.

    Kindness spreads like the ripples in water when a single pebble is thrown in. One person's small act of kindness can make a huge difference in life.

    ReplyDelete
  60. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Too many typos in my first attempt...Just want to say that your posts bring so many smiles to the world. They heal the heart...really, truly, deeply...Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Couldn't agree more...

    ReplyDelete
  63. Indeed, so many situations are enriched, or just made more bearable, by a simple act of kindness in place of indifference or hostility.

    ReplyDelete
  64. the basic polyester gel coat and the email structure that uses a confused which is support copping coat Secret Millionaires Club 2016 how we really at a lightweight hacked strand mat in with that and which plots the alliance between the two in prison and a brief span later the year the tooling tar itself applying thegelcoat now we can do this another to think .

    http://t-rexmusclefacts.com/secret-millionaires-club-2016/

    ReplyDelete
  65. of how it unitary so wide today live divided into two parts brain on one side and ions devices and the world Brain Plus IQ on the other.Side then he really cut the brain not just between are sensitive devices and the world it got it inside so in this case their own signals there are no ahead yellow gene not sounds there is the same.

    http://powerpumpxladvice.com/brain-plus-iq/

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x