Thursday, 29 October 2015

Put a Broom up my arse and I'd sweep the floor

I often hear how much parents do for their children.
" Can't stop now.......little Dorcas needs taking to Ballet"
" The boys need to go to football practise and then it's after school club"
" Harry wants an ipad for his third birthday"
It goes on and on and if I was a parent , I guess I'd be saying exactly the same thing.

This morning at 5 am I was standing in the garden in my pyjamas encouraging Mary to have a big wee and when she eventually did the deed, I ran around the lawn excitedly calling out " good girl" like a loon.

At 11 am I was bathing William with expensive hypoallergenic shampoo in a hot bath and at 1pm I was rubbing vaseline on a hen's sore arse at the same time as holding a conversation with a villager about the pros and cons of Downton Abbey.

At 8.15 am, I removed all of the dogs except Winnie to the kitchen and went back to bed where she and I spooned for a half hour lie in..........this daily intensive 30 minute pampering has now brought her round from her mental disintegration following Mary's arrival.

Relaxing in the afterglow


Parents....you are not the only ones that are run ragged! 

46 comments:

  1. Drat I see Ive lost another follower......i'll never reach 900

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was like that with my Bloglovin followers it got to 500 then kept going back to 499 over and over again .... now it's reached 505 ,,,,phew a bit of breathing space. I think I would struggle to piss 5 people off in one day , or maybe not .... hehe.

      You're way ahead of me with the Google followers, well done.

      Delete
  2. I will sign my cats up to be followers .. howz that ?

    You are a parent ..
    I remember (fondly now - not so much then ) when my dog was a puppy, we were training him to pee outside and a hurricane was coming ... I stood out there in the garden all hunched over with that little puppy , trying to convince him that it was alright to pee outside .. the wind blowing like crazy , trees looking scary .. but the puppy had to pee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PS
      Aren't we all loons for those we love ?

      Delete
  3. Well you are in a way their parent aren't you? We refer to ourselves as Mum and Dad when talking to Tess.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Winnie needs her Daddy time too....sweet baby!

    ReplyDelete
  5. same thing here. lots of loud exuberant 'good girls' every time the new puppy peed or pooped outside.

    ReplyDelete
  6. teddy is spoiled much more than my kids and i really spoil my kids.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for getting this point across to the non-dog lovers (who ever heard of such a mindset anyway!)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Winnie looks like she could use a few more days of spooning.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Been away for a bit. Just got new chicks. They're 7 weeks old now and because I'm old as shit I forgot my password to my email account. Nice addition in Mary. She's cute as a button. Whether they are two-legged children or four legged, they do keep us busy! First time owning chickens. Wish me luck...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well you are on the right page for 'chicken shit'....sorry....I just couldn't help myself.

      Delete
    2. Chicken shit, old as shit, life's shit we're up to our knees in it :)

      Delete
    3. I usually talk shit! Ladies after my own heart. Who gives a shit? X

      Delete
  10. I just want you to know that I ADORE the title of this post! Hahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are a wonderful Daddy to all your babies John......

    ReplyDelete
  12. Poor Winnie! I'm glad she's pulled through her nervous breakdown.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was touch and go for a while

      Delete
  13. I'd say you understand perfectly :)

    I'm glad you're pampering Winnie. We can all use some attention when things seem to be going downhill.

    ReplyDelete
  14. My sister calls her animals her "fur babies", and I agree with the sentiment. My 3 cats, and 1 dog are my babies...family...can't convince me otherwise. :-) I am a parent of 3 very independent, grown children who have given me beautiful GrandBabes. My feelings for my critters (fur babies) are very similar. I work hard to raise them well, train them, maintain their health and well-being, and love and cherish them. Isn't that being a parent?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Vaseline on a hen's arse reminds me...we used to call chapped lips (the bad kind that goes beyond the lip line and is caused by kids gnawing on their lips in the cold) 'hen seat lip'.

    The Canadian prairies have a distinct set of ailments (there is also a condition called 'turkey butt lip' but it is associated with smoking in middle-age women).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Im off to google turkey butt lip

      Delete
    2. Deep lines, radiating out from a thin-lipped pursed mouth...

      Delete
  16. Doesn't matter if your kids have two legs or four, the effect is much the same.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only i dont get child benefit

      Delete
    2. You get slobbery love benefit John x

      Delete
  17. You are a top Dad, I'm glad gorgeous Winnie is getting some quality bonding time with you x

    ReplyDelete
  18. I jsut remembered my husband walking our first dog .. she was so beautiful and sweet and large. And female. Picture walking a female Borzoi, in heat, wearing her little feminine napkin for dogs, on a street in New York City.

    He did it once then said he refused to ever do it again, he would take his chances with her getting knocked up on 3rd Avenue by some mutt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I roared with laughter at this! Now my four pooches are all a-flutter, lol.

      Delete
  19. Laughed loud and hearty. Fabulous xxx

    ReplyDelete
  20. I looked a bit like Winnie myself this morning. Which is worrying.
    JP

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think a lot of us wake up looking like Winnie on some mornings but we aren't admitting it ..lol

      Delete
  21. Awww, I think you're lovely giving Winnie spooning time :-)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I will pass the Vaseline tip onto my friend Jan just in case her chicken's get sore arses. She's a nurse so it shouldn't phase her. But perhaps there, again she know, about it already.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I will pass the Vaseline tip onto my friend Jan just in case her chicken's get sore arses. She's a nurse so it shouldn't phase her. But perhaps there, again she know, about it already.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh dear, that poor hen! Bloody Dorcas must have climbed over the gate again!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I expect you benefit from the cuddle as much as Miss Winnie. I've used your title phrase a time or three myself; only I wasn't nice enough to use arse...

    Oh, and you are a parent even though your children are covered in fur and feathers; damn good one too.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Followers come and go. I gain one. I lose someone else. Penelope is so afraid of the construction on the house next door that she won't go outside unless I take her on a leash. I make a big fuss over her lovely pooping and peeing. It's not that different from when I had children, but I don't and didn't give the dogs and the kids silly things they don't need. No fancy toys. No electronics. Franklin wants an ipad. I said, NO. My son wanted Nintendo years ago. I said NO. Now the girls he dates thank me because he's the only young man they know who isn't addicted to playing video games. I don't know what will happen with Franklin in the future. I don't think girls will be interested in him since he has no balls.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  27. You are only a loon is you register your pets for ballet class. Everything else is just the daily demands of pet-parents!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Parenting is tough. Whether it is fur babies, feathered friends or bare bottomed toddlers. Cuddling helps everyone recharge. :)

    MissFifi

    ReplyDelete
  29. Winnie looks soooo contented.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I'm thinking that you and Winnie need a spa weekend - she certainly looks like she'd relish it - an old fashioned Hollywood star in the making.

    So glad she's feeling better and all thanks to your loving care.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Lie-ins with the pets are the best!

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x