Saturday, 17 October 2015

New Car


The Prof looked stern but wasn't 
 " It's a runaround but I want it kept clean" he said
( sighing) I replied with a tired " Alright"...I had just worked night shift.
"  No scotch egg wrappers, no secret KFC boxes under the sear.... No empty diet coke tins in the boot"
" yessssssssssss"
He continued
" No shitty dog bums on the back seats, no bulldog snot on the windows and absolutely  no FANNY FLANNELS  in the glove compartment"
" Ok" ( I thought he had finished)
" I want it serviced regularly, cleaned weekly and I don't expect to see any turkey on the passenger seat"
" Right!" 
" oh and I don't want to see scrape marks on the side of it, like the Berlingo" 
" You scraped the side of the Berlingo" I reminded him quietly
Silence......


71 comments:

  1. I would be more worried about the fact that you say KFC and Scotch Eggs in conjunction with Diet Coke....WTF is THAT all about?

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    1. Gary..he's mixing up past misdeeds

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    2. Never drink a calorie you could eat.

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  2. (Whispering) How in gods name are you all, and everything else, going to fit in? Everything else being the detritus of life

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  3. You know what they say about drivers of red cars and road rage .........

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  4. oooohhh errr think I have found the answer for winnie

    http://www.go-pods.co.uk/

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  5. I love it. I want one. the car , not the lecture.
    Congratulations, I can see you will be unable to do anything on the sly, not driving a bright red little auto !

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  6. What did you name it ?

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  7. I'd have told him to fuck off.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, me too...don't you ever feel like giving him a good slapping?....

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    2. Of course you would have, Rachel. Subtlety not exactly your strong point, is it?

      U

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  8. Congrats on the sweet little car and good on you putting the professor in his place. He deserved it lol.

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  9. By the time it has transported a few loads of animal feed and Winnie has rubbed herself off on the back seat, normal service will have been resumed.
    Should have got an old Land Rover, then you could have just hosed it out!

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  10. The car getting scraped is a lot more costly than a clean up! I expect it will have a few doggy puddles from when you collect your new pup tomorrow!!! :-)

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  11. "You scraped the side of the Berlingo" I reminded him quietly - silence. I don't anyone who would have responded quietly after the telling off you got.

    I like your little red car, good for the roads that you have to drive on and easy parking but is it suitable for your life style? Let the Prof have this car and get another.

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  12. Good comeback! Love the car.

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  13. Oh, dear. The car is lovely, and it is not the sole property of the Professor, so take all of that jibberish with a pound of salt, or ten scotch eggs. (A pint could help too) You are a very gentle soul by answering the way you did, I would have handed him the keys and walk back inside without saying a word.

    Allegra

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    1. Gentle sould my arse.... Incan scream like a fish wife when the need arises

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    2. I guess I am easily fooled when someone is so nice as to walk away without a word, Not me. If I didn't have the last one I would go back outside for sure. It was a good thing that my husband and I never needed to do that. He was very patient while I flew on my broom.

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  14. "Fanny" ... LOL !!!
    Love it ... love the car .. my old BMW was named Otto ( auto) German , get it ? LOL

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  15. Fanny (which means arse here) would be far too unimaginative in this family.... Where my Dad used to name his vehicles things like Princess Ruby of the Tomato Reds and my daughter rather likes names like Jett, the Ebony Prince, and Yessir the Toad.

    This gift for naming skipped my generation, so things get named FOR me.

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    Replies
    1. My daughter would love Princess Ruby .. Personally, I like Yessir the Toad :)

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    2. I'm rather amused by that particular name myself NotesFromAbroad. ;-)

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    3. I used to have a bright red car. I named her Nellie, as in Whoa, Nellie, because she wanted to go fast.

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  16. I drive a Subaru now - we named it Star. ( the dealership is Star Auto)

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  17. Get some washable seat covers. The prof certainly wouldn't approve of my '99 Nissan Sentra. Dog slobber and hair everywhere. Folks stare when they see us go by. I back out of the garage and back, back, back on the narrow driveway with house on one side and fence on the other. Multiple scrapes. Every now and then to keep life interesting, I hit the gate or the deck and knock off a mirror. I call my son and say don't yell at me. He never has. He just gets another mirror and puts it on. He's given up on me. I'm 56. What will I be like when I'm 86?

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I forgot to say that little fart son can easily back the car past deck and fence and gate mirror snatchers and back into the garage so I can pull out nose first. Now, if he'd do it every time I go out, life would be oh so fine.

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  18. Speaking of farts....have at it John. I'd just rip off a good one and get it over with. Stink up that adorable red beauty. Bulldog fanny flannels won't much matter after that. X

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  19. Your husband sounds quite a bit like mine.

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  20. ooooooooooooooooooh, pretty! but NOT complete without dog snot and diet coke cans!

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  21. He was telling the truth though. He DOESN'T want to see scrape marks down the side - no matter who put them there.
    Good luck. It sounds an almost impossible ask.

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  22. Enjoy the clean shiny car for a couple of weeks....then ALL will be forgotten....as it should be.

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  23. What a pretty car - the pups, turkey, cat and sundry other animals you give a lift to will love it too ! Don't worry John, it will be fine, and back to normal, once the novelty has worn off ! Will anyone in the village recognise you if it hasn't got any scrapes?

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  24. Your car is the same shade of red as my Toyota Scion! When I bought it last year a friend called it "arrest me red" and told me to watch out about obeying all traffic laws, since the color is so conspicuous.

    And my husband gave me the same kind of lecture as yours about keeping it clean! LOL!

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  25. Lets hope he puts the first scrap or dent in it. Then all rules will be gone with the wind.
    Love the color but here in the U.S. it is called "Get A Ticket Red" !

    cheers, parsnip

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  26. Oh, Bother the Prof!! Two cars is definitely the answer! My DH drives a little Micra and it is perrrrrrfectly tidy, mine definitely less so, hair and smell of dog. I do keep the back seat covered with a seat cover which gets whipped off if a passenger of the human variety is being transported. They're not expensive and they do help - to some extent at least!

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  27. John, I'll let your readers into our secret. Do you remember us comparing notes, and I said we'd make such a great team (attracting that into our lives we need)? Yeah, well. There are two main exits either end of the body. Whilst you have no problems with the rear but - by your own admission - find "sick" a lot harder to deal with, I find shit impossible (other than babies') but am perfectly happy to mop up vomit (of complete strangers).

    Naturally, one could put a psycho babble spin on it. Or, considering your new car, your preference being to go straight through the middle A to B, mine doing a U-turn. Which reminds me of the first time I came to England in my little R4. Cul-de-sac. Oh the shame of it, John. Deepest Surrey. I met my destiny in the shape of an oncoming Rolls Royce forcing me to back back back back out.

    U

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  28. Congrats on your new ride. My husband is of the belief that the police tend to pull over red cars more frequently than all others. Are you ready for that? -Jenn

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  29. sheesh. kind of a demanding sort isn't he?

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  30. Now I know for sure the prof and I are both Taurus, but alas you seem more compliant than my husband!

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  31. This is why we have two cars -- I get those same kind of reminders when Carl cleans out my van.... Then he forgets and so do I.

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  32. In our house, a car is not without dog snot on windows or other things on the seat.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. With our Pup .. I kept a small bottle of window cleaner and some paper towels in the glove box.
      Let us not forget the lovely splatter patterns created by dogs sneezing on windows :)

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  33. Chuckle, yeah, right......
    I laid down the same ground rules when we got our wee Toyota...they didn't quite take here either!

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  34. Such a cute little car! Imagine it must get awesome milage..

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  35. HAHAHAHA!!! Love it!

    Love the car, too. I'd rather have a red car than the beige/gold colour I have now. We call it the invisible car - people keep running into me - six dings in the first year, all in parking lots while I was absent ... and not one note or phone number ... At least red stands out :)

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  36. Nice and compact. You shouldn't have any trouble parking - unless you're a truly hopeless parker.

    If the Prof wants a car that's clinically pristine at all times, maybe he should buy his own?

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    Replies
    1. Just what I was going to say!

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  37. Thanks for all the comments..just been to my sister's home for a meal and am now off to bed..v v tired xxx

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  38. i bet all the animals can't wait to go for a ride. hide the bum flannels in the boot.

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  39. Clean you say? I give it a week. OK, less.

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  40. PJ62 VWO is a Red 2012 Suzuki Splash Sz2 with a numberplate first registered in Preston, Lancashire between September 2012 and February 2013. As a "Splash" it is designed to be splashed upon both inside and out.

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  41. Looks a bit like hot little red Fiat that I love. I just swept it out for the first time in a year! Did he mention ducks? Perhaps they could go for a ride with you?

    Cindy Bee

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  42. Omg!!! Today is Subday and its Mary day !!!! Love the car, glad you had the last laugh( perhaps internally laughing) . Safe trip. Will Mary christen the new car with it first doggy puddle? Who knows this and other questions will soon be revealed X

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  43. You are courting danger when you reminded him who scratched the other car.

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  44. I want to know if Winnie was listening too.

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  45. Oh dear (shaking my head), the Prof gave you very clear instructions! Cute car!

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  46. I pictured you in a big old fourth hand Land Rover....

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    1. That is what I used to daydream about ... living out in the English countryside with a big house, lots of dogs and cats and maybe a horse and chickens and driving a beat up Rover. I might have read too many romance novels.

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  47. Glad we keep two cars

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  48. Nice car. Ignore what he said. He knows you will anyway.

    My car is like yours; The Retired Man's car is pristine and I never complain how sterile it is and wish he would do the same for me. Unfortunately, he is not so kind - but I ignore him mostly and fill the back seat of my car with as many potted plants as I wish and just smile and act like I am deaf to his complaints.

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  49. Oh dear. Looking forward to the before-and-after pics in a weeks time. :)

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  50. That last bit made me laugh out loud.
    The farmer backed our new car into a wall the week after he bought it and dented the bumper and cracked the light. Everyone = and I mean everyone = who has noticed it has asked me what I was doing!! A friend has suggested I put a sticker and an arrow pointing to the dent with just the word 'his' on it.
    My suggestion: keep an old blanket to put on the back seat.
    put a lock on the door of the glove compartment.
    keep a spray of window cleaner and a clean duster
    in the door compartment.
    PROBLEMS SOLVED

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  51. My beautiful (still new) Subaru got its first ding last week .. I managed a year without dings !! in a supermarket parking lot, even though I was parked waaay over to the right of the space .. some arsehole hit my car so hard that there was still red paint in the ding.
    If they had been there, I woulda .... well.. something ...

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  52. OOOhhhhh....shiny

    I've been good about keeping the car and truck clean for the most part. I do have lapses. but as I've made a concerted effort to keep both somewhat clean it's not so bad when I want to clean them thoroughly.

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