Monday, 28 September 2015

Mad As A Box Of Frogs


When I was a child making up an excuse for doing something wrong , I would  whinge
" I thought it would be ok"
My mother would always counter this with pursed lips and the disbelieving line
" You know what thought did? ....followed a muck cart and thought it was a wedding"
Some people are full of such sayings.
Auntie Glad is famous for the line " My Health is my wealth"
My Liverpudlian grandparents often called out the words " San Fairy Ann" when something they heard was of no consequence to them ( San Fairy Ann was a corruption of the french phrase " a ne fait rien " it doesn't matter)
And I often mutter a much more salty " ...and my dick's a kipper" when I hear something that I don't believe.
I am intrigued by the origin of sayings like these.....the more obscure ones can be fiendishly confusing ........
So let's hear your favourite sayings , historic or otherwise...........
And don't forget to explain them..........

237 comments:

  1. Not sure that I have any but my English born Geordie partner blurts them out at most unexpected times. Actually, I do have one that always covers many things, nowt as queer as folk.

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    1. Many sayings hail from Northern Britain......and typically working class Northern Uk......this intriques me too

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    2. In this context "queer" means odd!

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    3. And even thee's a little queer, the saying went on, meaning, I think -
      everyone but me?!
      well I'll go to foot of our stairs to express amazement but I still dont understand.

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  2. One from my mum, on a similar theme (as in 'I thought this was the right one/thought this was what you meant)

    "and if the cat has kittens in the oven, that doesn't make them biscuits"

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  3. I do love family phrases.
    My father called all sauces gravy. You should have seen people's faces when he oftened them gravy to go on their icecream.

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    1. Its the warmth of memory that i like about theses phrases and saying

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  4. My nan was the one for these. My favourite was 'He was no taller than two-penneth of ha'pennies'. A friends granny was one to say 'Ooooh, the sights you see when you haven't got your gun'.

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  5. There is a good book by Natalia Ginzburg "Lessico famigliare", try to find it in English. You'll like it,

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  6. It probably smells like a kipper.

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    1. Kerrrrrrr ching!

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. I love you Tom! Ha ha ha ha ha

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. I'll go to the foot of our stairs is typically north English, my grandmother said it too

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  9. Well butter my bottom and call me a biscuit always makes me laugh.

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  10. My Mum had loads of funny sayings, these spring instantly to mind.

    It looks like rain over Will's Mum's (We never knew anyone called Will).
    I'll go to the foot of our stairs. (I think an expression for extreme surprise).
    Sticks like shit to a blanket. (Thought you might like this one John! And is maybe to do with scandal).
    A watched pot never boils.
    Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. (no clue about this one).
    This won't knit the baby a new bonnet.
    It'll never get well if you pick it.

    I'm sure she had many more too.......





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    1. Baby and bath water came when they bathed in a tin bath in front of the fire. baby was last and the water dirty. Maybe you couldn't see the baby and it was in danger of being thrown out!!!

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    2. I understood this one to mean "get rid of the bad but keep the good" ...

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  11. A school friend's mother, (English but not sure which part she was from) when sat on the couch would lift one of her buttocks and say 'get out you bugger and walk' when she farted. She scared off a few of my friend's suitors!

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    1. I bet it scared off lots of folks! That is a great one.

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  12. I come from a good solid working class northern background too, and there must be hundreds of weird sayings used in my family, but right now, only a few spring to mind.
    My grandmother when suspecting something was not quite true used to say "I've heard ducks fart in deep water before", but I have no idea where she got the saying from, she was a Geordie though, so perhaps.....
    If as a child I complained that "it's not fair", my dad always said "What's not? A black pudding?"
    I grew up with "San Fairy Ann", which now has been corrupted yet further to "SFA", meaning "Sweet F*** All".
    And especially for you John, if something moves very fast, "It went like shit off a shovel"! X

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    1. Its nice to hear from someone else who knows and who has heard san fairy ann

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  13. Ooops, sorry, I forgot one, if someone has a bad tempered expression "They've got a face like a bucket of crabs"!

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  14. Fools and children should never see a job half done.

    What do you want, a medal or a chest to pin it on?

    up yours with the rough end of a pineapple


    A miss is as good as a mile.

    measure twice, cut once.

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  15. Looks like the north end of a camel going south.
    Tighter than a duck's bum (about my Danish ex-brother-in-law).
    If you had half a brain you'd be dangerous.
    Anna

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  16. My dear granny:

    'Like a hoolit lookin' oot a whinbush' - and owl looking out of a gorsebush, the Scottish equivalent of dragged through a hedge backwards

    'Bugger o' hell' - someone who had doen something bad; if really bad, they'd be a 'black bugger o' hell'

    'I wouldnae be seen deed in a ditch in that!'

    She also did the sights and gun one too. She was some banana, my granny!

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    1. It seems as though grannies and sayings go together does it not?

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  17. "Passed with flying colors": This expression comes from the custom of sailing ships that would fly their colors or put up their flags and pennants if they wanted to be identified when passing other ships at sea. Today this expression is used to refer to someone who has passed a test or some other type of trial with a great margin. It is one of dozens of common English sayings that have emerged from our maritime history. Another example - "Hunky-Dory": This term, meaning everything is alright, originated from a street named "Honki-Dori" in Yokohama, Japan. This street was known by foreign sailors as the street that catered to the pleasures of sailors. If life was Honki Dori, a sailor had money, plenty of grog, and a pretty girl.

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    1. ...or alternatively a pretty boy!

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  18. "So dull, you could ride bare-assed to Belfast on it!" - My Welsh great-Grandmother.

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    1. Welsh grandparents seem to delight in sayings I am beigining to understand

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  19. Living (nowadays) in a predominately Afrikaans community, we don't often hear good expressions. However, as frightfully English citizens of our country, Grant and I regularly use expressions like "Mad as a box of frogs"; I like to say : "daft as a broosh" and Grant does use your salty expression at times: "if that's a ..., my ...'s a kipper" and I like "he's as mixed up as puke in a tumble drier"

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  20. Interesting topic, how about `mind your P`s and Q`s`....as in mind your pints and quarts out of the way so your ale dosent get spilled if there is a fracas in the inn in times of old.

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  21. I like auntie glad's, cause it is SO TRUE!

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  22. For someone who is constantly trying to 'get one over', my Gran used to say "He's got a grin like a wave on a slop-bucket." A slop-bucket being what would be more genteely known as a night jar. Two Bear had a ton of pithy sayings. If someone complained about everything he'd say "Some people would kick if you hung 'em with a new rope!" and it wasn't unusual for him to remark "she's got an ass like a sackful of pups", or "she's just as purty as a speckled pup".

    Let's see... my Dad used to describe someone who wasn't terribly bright as "they might be able to put their hands on two hoots but they lost their holler about a mile back.." or "their opinion is about as welcome as a fart bubble in a bathtub." Oh, and the always entertaining " If brains were aim, he wouldn't be able to hit the broad side of a barn if he was standin' inside with all the doors and windows closed."

    There's more, but I'd like to get to sleep sometime soon, lol.

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  23. My grandma's: "so's your old man" or "sew a button on your shirt" when you said "so". And "whistle you can't sing" whenever she heard someone whistle. I know there are more - that is all I can think of on the fly.

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    1. LOL, my husband would say "Sew buttons" if I said "So?"
      Most of the time it was irritating. I would love to hear it now ~

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  24. You know what thought did? Thought, thought he'd farted and he'd shit himself instead! My Mum used to say this but without using rude language. I think she said 'You know what thought did' and then said 'thought that he'd blown off and messed himself instead!!!

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  25. In disbelief we say, aye and I've heard ducks fart before!

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  26. My Welsh grandfather always said " piss in one hand and wish in the other, and see whiat you get first"....very practical advice from a father of 7!

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  27. 'Like piffy on a rock bun' .... means you are annoyingly being kept hanging around waiting for something.

    'About as much use as a chocolate fireguard' and 'about as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike', for something that is no use whatsoever ... my ex husbands oft used expressions.

    And Lovely Hubby's favourite .... 'back to auld claes and porridge' which translated from Scottish means back to old clothes and porridge (ie the holiday is over time to get back to normal).

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    1. Keep em comming

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    2. Love that Sue, my mother in law says and I was sitting there, like piffy on a puffy !!!

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  28. Oh .... and of course there's the old faithful ... 'pull the other one it's got bells on', when you don't believe what someone is telling you and think they're pulling your leg!!

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  29. I could eat a scabby donkey through six bread vans. or I could eat a scabby donkey through "two pissed through mattresses"

    My late mother use to say: "If you break your leg. Don't come running to me."

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    1. I ve heard scabby cow but not donkey!

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  30. This one comes from Australia... If a kid's room was messy the Mum would say "this room looks like a mad woman's knitting"

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    1. This one i like too....another one i may nick

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  31. From my dad...."Do something...even it is wrong".

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  32. In Sussex we have 'dark over Wills mums' which according to the god Google is not just a Sussex quote. My mother and Mr Him both tell me I make a better door than window when I stand in front of the TV. Mr Him says 'about as useful as a handbrake on a canoe '. There's also 'lie like a cheap watch 'or ' lie like a flat fish. '

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    1. I had to google that one too... I may use it

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    2. My mom would say Lie like a rug.

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  33. Well, my new favourite is "My dick's a kipper."

    But, along the same lines: "And this [hold up fingers indicating 2-inch gap] is 9 inches."

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    1. Its a man thing

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    2. Like a blue arse fly in a pickle bottle. My grandmother would say this to my youngest son because he couldn't sit still.

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  34. These are all so wonderful lol ... I grew up in the US South where they had a crazy expression for everything. I just remember my (very tall) grandfather calling me a piss ant.

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  35. 'The higher a monkey climbs, the more he shows his arse.'
    'There's no pockets in shrouds'.
    And you probably have to hail from Stoke to use this one - to a useless or clueless person - 'don't just stand there like one o' Lewis's!'

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    1. The lewis' comment was a common one in liverpool....( for those that downt know Lewis' is a large department store in the city centre)

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    2. I didn't know there was one in Liverpool, we had one Up Hanley Duck. Did the one in Liverpool have a 40ft spiky man over the entrance?

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    3. Wanda
      See
      https://www.flickr.com/photos/31068574@N05/8457674599

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    4. oh blimey! And I've only just had me tea....

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    5. Lewis' in Liverpool is sadly no longer there.The statue was known as Dickie Mint and was a regular place to meet friends as in ' Meet you under Dickie Mint at 7'

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    6. I never knew what dicky mint meant
      ( my mum came from Everton)
      The building is still there though

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  36. Every morning when I get up I say "Half past five, and not a baby washed". It drives Lady Magnon mad, but she'd probably worry if I didn't say it.

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    1. I like that saying Terry Wogan used say something similar on his radio show
      " half past eight and not a child in the house washed"

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  37. As a child my father often responded to my questions Of " what's that" with "it's a wig wam for a gooses bridle" .
    Another more recent saying I have heard on occasion " I am so hungry I could eat the ass of a low flying duck". An Aussie bush saying if someone is thirsty " I am as dry as a dead dingoes donga". If someone is not very bright " they are as thick as a brick" . If something is not explained well " that's as clear as mud".

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    1. The wig wam comment, i am sure would have been loved by kids

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  38. When I hear something exciting or unbelievable instead of tell the person to "shut the fuck up" I'm nice and say "Shut the front door". It's always funny to see their expression all the way to "shut the f....

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  39. Going to see a man about a dog - the answer we always got when mum didnt want to tell us what she was doing

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  40. One of my favorites I ever heard and I only heard it once, but it had the ring of authority about it , was: "That job would take two men and a boy."
    I heard it from an older lady trying on shoes in a shoe store.
    My mother used to say, "Ugly as homemade sin." I like that one too.

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    1. " ugly as sin" was one of my mothers too

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  41. As a descendant of scousers, my family came up with a whole load of such sayings ....my favourite is " act soft and I'll buy you a coalyard" .....I think it meant " you talk daft then so will I " ......my grandad had a load of these , when someone was not feeling to bright his classic was " he was the colour of boiled shite " .....that is almost shakespearian

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    1. The boiled shite is so very scouse

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  42. "Sky blue pink with a finny addy border" was my mum's response when asked about the colour of anything. I think it might be a scouse or northern way of telling someone you couldn't be bothered to answer their question about a colour that should have been obvious. Finny addy might be a corruption of finnon haddock (yellow). I loved this saying when I was a kid, but I've rarely heard it since. I also loved some of the old-fashioned words my nanna used to use, such as "vexed", "gamp" and "charabanc".

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    1. Omg ..i now remember sky blue pink
      Though my mother never added the " addy bit"

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  43. This one is from my Scottish grandfather (to be said in the brogue of the Highlands) - typically when my brother and I would fight as kids - "It'll be the toe of my boot if you push too far" I miss him.

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  44. When we as kids used to ask our mother "Mum where's my slippers/teddy/whatever", she'd reply "Under my armpit swinging on a hair". My nan used to say, if someone was scowling, "she's got a face like a slapped arse".....my personal favourite.

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  45. The comment above is an old Quaker saying..."Everyone's crazy but me and thee, and sometimes I wonder about thee...."

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  46. At my kids school, they learn an old saying and where it came from every week. I think it's fun. I can't think of one now, of course.

    If someone was whining, my grandma always said, "If wishes were fishes we'd all have a fry." I use it now despite the eye-rolls I receive. I don't know where it came from.

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    1. Similarly - if "if" was a skiff, we'd all get on it and sail away...

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    2. Also similar to "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride."

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  47. My chemistry teacher: Don't ASSUME. It's makes an ass of u and me.

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    1. Every schoolby loves this one

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  48. 1) I'd give him the top off my egg (indicating you find someone attractive)
    2) She had a face like the back of a tram (my granny's saying)
    3) Taking the Piss (my fav)
    4) She had a very unfortunate face (butt ugly)
    5) Sick as a Skegness donkey
    6) Arse end backwards
    Just a few that come to mind over morning coffee.......

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    1. No 3 is a common one here...i love it too
      No 6 ..we say
      " arse over tit"
      X

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  49. Stick a broom up my ass and I'll sweep the floor! (when asked to do one too many things)

    John, hello, this is my first comment although I have been reading for a while. I wanted to come in with something zippy.

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    1. And a broom up yer arse was indeed zippy enough x

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    2. That's another familiar line ! Growing up in Canada but with Irish and Scottish grandparents I use a variety of expressions. But to me they are not expressions but the manner in which I speak!.

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  50. No one would stop a galloping horse to check.
    She/he's Doolallytap
    Couldn't find his arse with 2 hands tied behind his back.
    I'ts black over Wilf's mum's
    Who died & made you Queen of the May? to someone getting above themselves.

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    1. I havent heard dolallytap for an absolute age

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    2. "Doolally", originally "doolally tap", meaning to 'lose one′s mind', derived from the boredom felt at the Deolali British Army transit camp. 'Tap' may be derived from the Sanskrit word 'tapa' meaning 'heat' or 'fever'. It is also just conceivable that it derives from the Welsh word 'twp', meaning 'stultified', 'unable to reason sensibly'.

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  51. 'I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire' for someone hateful.
    'Wouldn't say cock for tuppence or have it for less'
    'I've seen more meat on a butchers apron'
    'Cows cocks and onions' in response to 'what's for dinner?'.
    So big she had an arse like Arkle.
    Very fruity and robust language I heard as a child!

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    1. Butchers apron......yeap thats another one

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    2. My Nan's reply to 'what's for dinner?' was 'fleas knees and chickens eyebrows.'

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  52. Some gems from my southern U.S. family:

    "Fine as frog's hair" or "hunky dory" when everything is good.

    "Ugly as homemade sin" (thanks Ms Moon for reminding me of this one!)

    "Wish in one hand and piss in the other and see which one fills up the fastest"

    He's so ill (irritable) he'd fart and kick at it"

    "God watches over drunks and fools"

    "Poor as Job's turkey"

    There are tons more, too.

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    1. Keep em comming then jennifer.....im thinking of writing a book

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  53. My favorite: The old lady would have shot the bear with the broom, if IF didn't get in the way.
    If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
    Why wish for a loaf a bread? Wish for the whole bleep store!
    Busier than a cat on a stone side walk. (I really don't understand that one - my mother used it)

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    1. Dont cats use walls as a roadway?

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  54. To describe someone who is a bit thick

    The lift doesn't go to the top floor
    or
    The lights on but there's no one's in
    xxx

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    1. A sandwich short of a picnic

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    2. If she went to a mind reader, they wouldn't charge her LOL

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    3. Two McNuggets short of a Happy Meal.

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    4. Tenpence short of a shilling.

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    5. A few bob short of the taxi fare.

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    6. Two slices short of a loaf.

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    7. If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his hat off.

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    8. A brick short of a load

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    9. A kangaroo lose in the top paddock....

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    10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer

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    11. or not the brightest bulb on the tree

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    12. Not the sharpest tool in the shed...

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  55. I have a variation on your "you know what thought did" Thought he could fart like his daddy and shit his pants.

    I could eat the arsehole out of a skunk or eat the hind leg off the lamb of god - if you're extremely hungry.

    I wouldn't know her from a hot rock.

    He's as useless as tits on a bull.

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    1. " i could eat the arsehole out of a skunk"
      Gets the highest marks for the most colourful remark

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  56. my father always said, 'wish in one hand and shit in the other'. it described his 'glass half empty' outlook on life. my husband's father always said, 'there's nothing so over as xmas'. he too had a shitty outlook on life.

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  57. John Gray, maybe not a saying but a memory I have of my Granny, is, her stood in front of our only source of heating in a huge old house (the gas fire, which had black marks of it as my Mum lit her fags on the white blocks) Granny was in her bloomers with her slip (petticoat !!) with all her little pills in her hand, every morning she looked at them , then turned to me and said, Hey Our Norm, how do all these little pills know where they are going, and, what they have to do when they get there. It always remained a mystery to her xxx

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    1. A nice memory.... I think everyones on a roll

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  58. If we couldn't find something Dad would always say 'it's in the bottle behind the door'.

    When we'd ask if we were going out in the evening he would say "To Mrs. White's party" meaning going to bed.

    "Hornier than a two-peckered owl".

    "She's so skinny if she stuck out her tongue she'd look like a zipper".

    "dumber than a bag of hammers."

    If someone is 'uneven' it means they're not very good-looking.

    "Madder than a wet hen".

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  59. Tight as a duck's arse. Mean
    Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs. Surprise
    Long way around the Moon to find the Sun. Wasted effort.
    I've go to do an hour in five minutes. Short of time.
    Deb

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  60. Ducks arse is one of mine too

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  61. When asked where you were going..There and back to see how far it is.
    Bad weather coming...It's black over our George's.
    Being annoying....More nerve than toothache.
    What's for dinner...Fried farts and onions...or...Kippers and custard.
    About a fat person...An arse like a fifty shilling broth pot. (This from my Irish friend's dad)
    Finally from my grandfather when told something he found amazing or unbelievable... Gut hell. Spoken with a country burr...!

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    1. Gut hell...was probably a corruption of ...go to hell.
      And one I forgot...about someone looking disapproving...He had a face like a bag of arseholes

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    2. Its black over georges ( and wils) seems a popular one, and one i have never heard before

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    3. LOL ... she is so skinny if she stuck out her tongue she would look like a zipper .... roflmao

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  62. When talking about a know it all or a condescending person,
    .... and they act like their shit don't stink.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. I am amazed with the amount of potty mouthed relatives we allhad

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  63. As dumb as a box of rocks
    Look after the pennies and the dollars will look after themselves
    Three sheets to the wind (= drunk)
    Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn (= poor aim)
    Busy as a blue-arsed fly (= busy but disorganized & not getting anything done)
    Ass over kettle (= to trip or fall)
    Had the biscuit (= broken, used up or worn out)
    Worn to a nub (= tired out)
    If I had a nickel for every time (insert action or occurrence here), I'd be rich.
    I'd rather be short and shine than tall and cast a shadow.
    Good things come in small packages.
    There's no fool like an old fool.
    No fools, no fun.
    Fake it 'til you make it.

    I'm not sure how many of these are local and how many are universal!

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  64. Here's one my mom used..Dumb as dirt

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    1. Or as thick as s - - t!

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  65. Over toward Sherbondy"s (over that general direction)
    Nun ja ( when asking someone something personal as in None of your business.)
    Pig in a poke

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  66. My Birmingham relatives used a phrase to express surprise or astonishment thus: "Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs"

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    1. Here in the southern U.S. it was "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!"

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    2. Many US and UK SAYINGS SEEM INTERCHANGABLE

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  67. My ex-husband's grumpy aunt when she was tired of people asking her what was for dinner: "Shit on a stick!" Hmmm - is that kind of like a corn dog?

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  68. As black as Dick's hat-band (of a rain-laden slate coloured cloud).

    Hair like the wild man of Borneo (an orangutan).

    You look like Shock-headed Peter (from an Edwardian book of that name).
    Queer as a lemonade sandwich or queer as a nine-bob-note (about something unusual or unexpected).

    All behind like the donkey's tail (when running late).

    He (she) fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down (self explanatory!!)

    Of a very skinny person - I've seen more fat on a butcher's apron.

    Or, If she turned sideways she wouldn't cast a shadow.

    On being hungry: I could eat a scabby horse between two mattresses.

    I'm sure I shall remember a load more when I am in bed tonight!




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  69. Just read back and Ninashen's one had me ROFL!!!

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  70. Oh, and black as a Kangaroo's jockstrap (that was one my ex husband was fond of saying!)

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  71. Reading the comments stirs up the memory pot a bit....

    My Dad used to say, 'sew buttons on your BVDs!' (a brand of men's underpants), whenever we kids would say, 'So!' in response to something.

    If we'd left the front/back door open, he'd say, 'Shut the door, RIchard.' I still don't know who Richard is.

    He'd also ask us if we wanted 'a comb and a brush or a slap in the mush' and 'a dollar and a drum or a kick in the bum', jokingly, of course!

    'None of your beeswax!' was meant to keep our prying questions at bay. -didn't really work much.

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    1. Shut the door Richard is a song by Louis Jordan (late 40s/early 50s)

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  72. "We're you born in a barn" ... when someone's come in and left the door open.

    'He couldn't stop a pig in an alley' .... if you see a bandy legged man, or alternatively 'where's his horse then' ,

    'Look at those ferrets fighting in that sack', one of my ex's Salford inspired expressions when he was walking behind a woman with a wobbly bum ;-)

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    1. Lol REMEMBER Steel Magnolias
      " olympia Dukakis watching fat woman dancing
      " looks like two pigs fighting under a blanket"

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  73. Ok, here are some more from the U.S.:

    "That dog won't hunt" - it's a bad plan
    "He's getting too big for his britches" - full of himself
    "That's about as useful as tits on a bull" - self explanatory!
    "Hold your horses" - slow down, be patient
    "Scarce as hen's teeth" - very scarce or doesn't exist
    "You look like you've been rode hard and put up wet" - exhausted and unkempt (like a tired horse)
    "That really chaps my hide" (in the West), or "That really burns my biscuits" (in Southern states) - that makes me really mad
    "Kiss my grits" - a more polite version of kiss my ass

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    1. Kiss my grits.....i like that one

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    2. Oh I love these ! I grew up in North Carolina .. That dawg won't hunt was a favorite.

      I still use one phrase I guess you can call it .. but it isn't just a phrase, I mean it when I say it ..
      Bless your heart.
      Generally speaking, I use it with babies and puppies and kittens. and I also call them honey.

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  74. ' Going for a look over the hedge' - going for a wee.
    ' Couldn't stop a pig in a passage' - bandy legged.
    ' Could eat a scabby donkey' - really hungry.
    ' Funeral tea' for a buffet type tea on a Sunday
    ' Like a pipe cleaner with the fluff scraped off' - very thin
    ' Shit with sugar on it' sometimes came as a reply from my Mum when we asked what was for tea.
    ' A run round the table' for a buffet type tea



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    1. Yes, i know all of those

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  75. Oh, and something dead was "dead as a door nail"...

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  76. My mum and nana had lot of weird sayings.

    Daft as a brush
    layoes for meddlers and crutches for lame ducks-mind your own business
    Chance would be a fine thing-as if
    Nobody need be without--------(fill in blank) if something was really cheap.
    If we were misbehaving and in trouble mum was always going to 'knock us into next week'
    If you were all dressed up you looked like a dogs dinner
    stop skriking-crying
    mither-nagging or bothering someone
    I'm sure there's lots more. I'll think of them as soon as I hit publish!!

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    1. Janice where were they from? Those sayings are typically North English

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    2. We were from Manchester. We left in 1966 and came to Canada.

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  77. My mother always said 'feed a cold and starve a fever' - I still follow that rule. The farmer says 'fit as a lop' - -I have no idea what a lop is. Many more but like Janice above, just can't think of them at the moment. But then you are not short of replies are you John.

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  78. To take a long time to say or do something...Going all around the Wrekin.
    You must be joking...Pull the other leg, its got bells on.

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    Replies
    1. Cross eyed ...Boss eyed, or...One eye on the pot, and t'other up the chimney.

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  79. Howard uses the phrase "framing like a cow" when one of us is being clumsy.

    Must be a Yorkshire thing.

    Two I know I got from my Welsh grandparents - "creating" for throwing a tantrum or making a fuss, and saying that something (especially clothing) is "going home" when it starts wearing out.

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  80. I am loving these comments forgive mefor not answering them all
    I am surprised that so many are similar even though many of us live all over the world with only English in common ( as well as perhaps some ancestry )
    Great replies xx

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  81. "Drunk as a fiddler's bitch" and "three sheets to the wind"

    "The more you stir shit, the more it stinks"

    "Cold as a witch's tit"

    "Nervous as a whore in church" (a fav of my grandma)

    "Go to bed with dogs, wake up with fleas"

    "They haven't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of"

    This is fun!

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    1. Fiddlers bitch! Cracking

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    2. Not having a Pot to Piss in was something I heard a lot when I was a kid .

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  82. When asked what was for dinner my mother used to say ' run round the table see how far it is'
    And if someone was looking miserable she'd say 'they've got a face as long as livery street' .
    (Livery street was a street in centre of Birmingham)
    My first comment John, been reading your blog for donkeys years (there's another) but this blog has stirred me into replying.

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    1. Lovely to hear from you ann xx

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  83. Ok John, time to originate one of your own based on your life in blogdom! How about about "you're about as quiet as the Prof tap dancing on hardwood floors!" ?


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    1. Or just
      " as loud as a tapdancing prof"

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    2. Better yet!!

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  84. My Mum has always says, "I'm off like a maggot on a hot chop" when she is in a hurry. We tend to say, "I'm off like a piece of cheese."
    I wish I could share some truly kiwi ones but most came over in a boat at some time from Blighty!

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    1. That reminded of another family saying when something was disgusting:

      "It would gag a maggot" lol

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    2. Also " it was off like a bride's nightie"

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  85. My Dad had lots of phrases, when we were older, he'd say hmmm and my prick's a bloater, (bit like your kipper:) My favourite though was based on people going in a shop and asking the price of something and saying ' ooooo I'll tell her'. ie, that is far too expensive, but I don't want to admit it was for me. To this day if we think something is a bit pricey,we exclaim, 'oooo I'll tell her '. My darling Dad died in 2002, but his sayings live on x

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  86. ...and 'Bob's your Uncle' as a matter for exclamation and 'my Aunt Fanny' as in 'that's as likely as my Aunt Fanny'!

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    1. Bobs your uncle fanny's your aunt

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  87. As dry as a nuns chuff! Apologies to any nuns reading.

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    1. Thats ONE OF MINE,

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    2. I never saw it, I love it! Also up and down like a whores drawers. I only like the dirty ones, hey hoe.

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  88. My mother when feeling cross with someone, "Go suck a big hairy" I've never asked her what a big hairy is and not sure I want to know!

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    1. I like your mum

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    2. When you next visit Kent, I shall bring her to find you on the beach.

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  89. 'They want to know the far end of a fart and which way the wind blew it', for someone being nosey - I think that's one of my Grandad's!

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  90. As dry as a dingo's donger.
    She went arse over tits.
    Bobs your uncle.
    Don't get your knickers in a knot

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  91. My father has a bunchl: "He's so bright, his father calls him son"; "Let's do it to it like Sonny Pruitt used to do it to it"; "Another day, another dollar in the hole". He used to be a truck driver and says a bunch of other things like "Catch you on the flip side" (return trip).

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  92. From my parents 'as black as Newgate's knocker' or 'as black as your hat and twice as shiny'
    Of someone mean 'he's so tight he squeaks when he walks'
    'A blind man'd be glad to see it' about a small imperfection

    And my favourite modern saying, about someone who's behaved unforgivably or done something irretrievable
    'She's pissed on her chips'

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  93. I love pissed on chips saying
    I use it to describe someone who is disappointed

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  94. My father (again) always said that short people suffered from duck's disease - their arses were too close to the ground.

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  95. Goodness John, you really pressed our buttons today! My mother used to say "a blind man on a galloping horse would be very pleased to see it" when some tiny, insignificant error was noticed. Stupid people were "a sandwich short of a picnic" and when we asked about something that was none of our business we were told "it's a wigwam for a goose's bridle."
    There is one other, on the tip of my tongue; a response to incessant questioning about "what's for dinner?" and I can't remember it; it'll come to me in the middle of the night.
    Thank you for stirring the memory pot. I have Irish and english ancestry and recognised so many of the expressions others recalled.

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    Replies
    1. Virginia,
      You are so right
      I have adored my trip down memory lane
      Thank you
      AND THANK YOU ALL
      I am now off to bed to dream of sayings and phrases xx

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  96. Ps this has takn me totally by surprise

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  97. OMG - getting close to 200 comments!
    Let me add another:
    Not the brightest bulb in the lamp

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    1. I cant believe it....i touched a nerve x

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  98. Hi John, just a few I can remember,...

    My dad always would answer my " it's not fair" .. Neither is a black fellers bum
    Full as a state school... i.e., no more food
    Off as a bucket of prawns...rotten
    Full as a Goog..no more food
    Flat out as a lizard drinking..busy
    What's for tea?, shit on toast, oops sorry no bread!..hungry
    Eat the crutch out of a low flying seagull.. hungry
    Eat the horse and come back for the jockey.. hungry
    Dry as a nuns twat..thirsty

    Haha, that all for now, all Aussie I think
    Jenny xx

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  99. My mom had a lot of sayings. I hated them and don't use them. When she was hot she'd always say she was sweatin' like a Turk. When she was mad, it was If you think you're going to do such and such, then you've got another think coming ole' girl. My kids and I always said a lot of movie lines to each other. They didn't necessarily mean anything at that moment. We simply liked saying them. We quoted The Karate Kid a lot. My son would ask when we were going to do something. I'd say, After. That was his cue to ask, After what? I'd respond with After after.

    Love,
    Janie

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  100. My Grandparents had a beautiful, older Japanese gardener that I was always behind because I loved him, and because he paid attention to me when I was a wee girl, and because I wanted to learn how to grow things. One day he was looking for a branch to support something and I kept pointing to some and he repeated time after time "not long enough". After a while I got tired and asked "Mr. Ito, how long it needs to be?"
    "Longer than hope of poor" he replied. In other words, he was looking for a very long branch.

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  101. I've heard my mom say, "That woman has a face like a swan's bumdoogen." Not too flattering I'd say.

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  102. Oh lord, I'm late to this party but I just have to add my old mum's deeply disapproving "she's all fur coat and no knickers" about someone who was stuck-up, in her opinion. And "she's got a face like a chook's bum" , I love that one. Use it a lot myself!

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  103. Here are two more for when life is good:

    "Living high on the hog"

    "Walking in high cotton"

    Both are common in the South.

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