Friday, 25 September 2015

Children Remember Everything

Children remember everything.

The boy was around eleven . His father never took him out on a one to one basis.
He was just too busy.
It was just not done.
The boy was happy enough for he was part of a big family.

One weekend the boy's mother told the boy that his father would take him out on a nature walk together.
The boy loved wildlife and was quietly excited.
So after lunch they drove into the country and parked in front of a large private house set before it's own small wood.
They got out of the car and the father told the boy to enjoy his walk around the wood, he wouldn't be long as he needed to talk about some business in the house.
The boy took himself back to the car after a short lonely walk.
He sat there in silence for a good half hour before his father returned and they drove home.

Children remember everything that hurt.

61 comments:

  1. And that was Little John I guess. Did you perchance meet Robin Hood in the wood?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am not sure that I remember absolutely everything, many things are as fresh in my mind as yesterdays happenings. I can remember hiding in the dogs kennel when I had been naughty at a very tender age. I remember the black and white cat that died when I was 4.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wonder why he even bothered to take you along? Were you a cover for some risky "business"? I'm glad your life is so full of love now!

    ReplyDelete
  4. And today's children will remember the many times their parent's attention was on the B... Mobile phone rather than them while they had "quality time" with the parent! So sad.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My mother would leave me in the car while she went to talk to a man in another car parked further up the road. It was her secret and vicariously mine. No words were ever spoken except 'let's be getting home now'.

    ReplyDelete
  6. as a parent i am dreading the days when my kids tell me what i did that hurt them

    ReplyDelete
  7. I remarked about something being "one of the traumas of childhood" one time, in my parents presence. The next time I saw them, they wanted to know what else . . . they had apparently thought about it- worried about it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have a similar memory from my childhood.....father using me as a cover for his philandering.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My father wasnt philandering..just insensitive and having a crafy scotch with a friend

      Delete
    2. Oh, is that all? And there was us naturally thinking about steamy sex while you wandered around in some dark wood. I am disappointed, Jonathan.

      Delete
    3. Re phrase that
      YOU WERE THINKING OF STEAMY SEX

      Delete
  9. this is why I no longer speak to the sperm & egg donor. too many slights/violence/ignorance. so NOT healthy for my mind.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wish I could go back in time and smack him in the chops, John.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We got on better when I was an adult j

      Delete
  11. Sad....but didn't seem to hamper the amazing and warm adult you have become! And you are loved.

    ReplyDelete
  12. John:
    Yes, we do. I empathise.

    ReplyDelete
  13. That's sad. And yes, they (we) do remember...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Most parents let their kids pick out the colors to paint their bedrooms which is why I see a preponderance of very bright colors. Except for one woman who showed up with a little boy. She said "his father picked out a color and it was too pastel... too girly, so we're going to go with this," and she laid down a pale gray paint swatch. So I looked at her and said, "Mam, that's a pastel." She frowned a bit because it was the color she wanted for his room. I hope he remembers that when he has kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Both our sons chose their own paint colours - one dark red and blue the other a vibrant green. Their rooms - their choices. Did the colours harmonize with the rest of the house? No but their choices for their rooms was more important.

      Delete
  15. Yes they do, and the best of them learn how NOT to treat others just as you did.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ah, John.
    It's a wonder any of us every survived childhood. I remember exactly one time my father took me anywhere. It was to a bar.
    And any time my stepfather took me anywhere, I was in terror the whole time.
    Bless us all.

    ReplyDelete
  17. It could have been worse.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nay, thrice indeed. All the poor sod was doing was having a little drinkies with an old friend. Some people lead very sheltered lives to be scarred by something as harmless as this.

      Delete
    2. Oh tom..........it was the first time ever my father had taken me out by himself....i know compared with most Dickens characters it all seems rather tame to you

      Delete
    3. I've been traumatised ever since and under a psychiatrist.

      Delete
    4. Sorry that came out in the wrong place.

      Delete
    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  18. yes, they do. have several memories of my own.

    ReplyDelete
  19. That is so sad :(

    ReplyDelete
  20. i remember everything and i wish i didn't.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Aaaah s John, sorry about that hurtful memory.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Indeed they do John and it never ceases to hurt.

    My first husband always remembered that Teddy Tail was in The Daily Mail and he always wanted to look at it before he went off to school. But his father would be enraged if anyone looked at the paper before him, so he used to peep, trying not to damage or crease a page. If he did he would get out the iron and gently iron it flat again.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Makes me realise how lucky my brother and I were.
    There was often very little money but the memories are all good.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ouch. I have some memories like that, too. What I came to realize was that my parents did not intentionally hurt me; sometimes in working out their own problems, I simply got fragged. And other times, they had no idea how much I was looking forward to something and how much hope I had heaped on it.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I do remember the bad moments very clearly, but never felt it was a reflection on me and never felt unloved. I knew my mother was under a lot of stress, and anything either parent did was not about me. So I think you are right. We do remember, although we may or may not carry negative feelings into adulthood, depending on how we were hurt and the causes.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I remember the bad (too many of them to my notion) and I remember the good too. The bad out weighed the good and I cling to the good. It's better that way.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Just don't go there John. That way lies madness....

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ouch...I'm sorry for this...Have some of my own hurts, too. I'm so glad your present life is so wonderful. It seems men of a certain generation did not know what to do with kids or simply did not care...

    ReplyDelete
  29. Find the gang of Gud Dugs and give them a big hug.
    Everyone will feel better.

    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
  30. Same story here - asshole father left me and my brother in the car to go in and screw his girlfriend. What a great visitation day with dear old dad. If I ran the world you would undergo psychological testing before you were issued a license to have a kid. Think of the misery that would prevent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My father wasnt an asshole.. Just a dad from the 1970s who didnt think....

      Delete
  31. Forgot to add that my estranged brother turned out just like him and I never had children due in large part to his example. This poem says it all.

    They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

    But they were fucked up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,
    Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another's throats.

    Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
    Get out as early as you can,
    And don't have any kids yourself.
    ― Philip Larkin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I ve done a post on that poem

      Delete
  32. I remember everything and wish I could forget. My son remembers some things, but he has blocked out a lot. I think it's interesting. I wonder how his mind works that why and mine won't.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Males have selective memories.

      Delete
  33. I am seeing similar with my children and their dad (the husband aka Fuckwit) he left all the parenting to me but liked to play with their toys (the boys, not daughter's), now she has grown he has a Trophy Daughter who is lapping it up and he can do no wrong. I cannot and will not tell her that he did not want another child after our two sons. Our sons are aware of his personality now they are grown, and they see why I despise him. But, I am staying for daughter's sake. I have no choice.
    I fully understand your hurt, John.
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does he know you call him a fuckwit? Lol

      Delete
    2. Susan..you are not on your own....nor you John. Parents, who`d have one, who`d be one.

      Delete
  34. Ah John this made me sad. Sometimes parents can be oblivious to the thoughts and wishes of their children. I empathise with your hurt and disappointment.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Some children deal with this often. I am always surprised how they turn out to be such lovely caring adults.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess disappointment is just a part of growing up

      Delete
    2. See
      http://disasterfilm.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/this-be-verse.html

      Delete
  36. This is so sad.

    All the bad things and the good things help make us who we are today.

    Blessings.

    ReplyDelete
  37. John....I commend to you this Bernadette Peters video from "Into the Woods". It'll ring true.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gey1PtXYwLI

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think i saw mandy patinkin sing it...very true

      Delete
  38. I think as parents all we can do is have enough of the good, fun times with our kids to try and balance out the wrongs they will one day turn round and tell us we did to them.

    ReplyDelete
  39. As a child who remembers, this makes me appreciate just how lucky I am. Lucky that the things I will remember will be happy things, like meeting you (and your animals) and being there for the beautiful flower show on our visit from New Zealand. Yes I have hard memories, but the good far outweigh the bad, thank you John for being part of what this child will remember.

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x