Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Jumbo Sausage

Meg had the shits in our bedroom this morning, which was a bit of an unplanned moment as it
took an age sorting out the " bits" between the bare floorboards.....cue big sigh!
I was almost late for " fat club" because of it all, but the fact I lost another 3.5 lbs made up for the rush! ( i've lost 1 stone 1.5 lbs in just over three weeks!)
On the way back I stopped off at Sainsburys for some essential " poorly dog" supplies - namely  a scented candle and a whopper jar of hot dog sausages ( Meg had eaten a whole  sausage last night!)
I was served by a middle aged , bleach blonde checkout woman. She was the one that was always " over familiar" with Chris and I when we did did the weekly shop before changing allegiances to Tesco ...you know the sort..friendly middle aged fag hag!
Anyhow...
Picking up the jar of hot dogs, she rolled her eyes like Sid James and chirped up  playfully" Big Night In eh?"
I couldn't resist playing up to her and the other people in the queue and replied rather too loudly
" I 've got an old bitch at home who is just gagging for one of those bad boys!"


64 comments:

  1. John, do you have any old sheets or groundsheets you could put on the floor? Naughty you winding up those people in the shop!! I once did this in the chemist. I'd put my back out and gone into ask for something to help. The elderly pharmacist gave me a cream and suggested that my husband massage it in for me. I naughtily said to her that he might get the wrong idea. Quick as a flash she said, Well, that might just sort your back out!

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  2. Hee,hee, you naughty lad! Hope Meg enjoyed her sausage xxx

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    1. She ate one thats all.....all day :(

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  3. No wonder she's got the shits if that's what she's eating, oh well if it makes her want to eat she deserves to have a little bit of what she fancies.

    Naughty boy .... playing up to the lady in the shop ;-)

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    1. Sue, she has diarrhoea because of her liver problem.....iirs the first symptom that showed itself..she turned her nose up at absolutely everything i've prepared for her

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    2. I know .... sorry I was a little bit flippant there :-(

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  4. And her response was? You gave her the perfect set-up for an invitation.

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    Replies
    1. Oh she knows she'd be barking up the wrong tree

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  5. Congrats on the weight, and good luck on keeping the old girl comfortable and happy, indulge all you can.

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  6. "Wikinger" sausages - that means 'vikings' in German. Well, it is a sausage fit for a warrior. You might have one yourself to steel yourself for things to come. (At least you can use that as an excuse. Those things can be strangely tasty.)

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    Replies
    1. I tasted one....i kinda liked it

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  7. Good lord, you have hot dogs in a jar? Closest thing I'm aware of are those wretched vienna sausages I take fishing and choke down with a saltine.
    Stress can take weight off for sure, though it's often transitory.

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    1. I thought you americans have everything in a jar or a tube?
      Dont you have shitty cheese in a tube?

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    2. Oh we do indeed have shitty cheese in a tube!

      Vienna sausages remind me of my grandfather. He always took them with him when he went fishing.

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  8. Never saw a weenie come in a jar.

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    Replies
    1. Oh my. I'm stopping here with the comments. Ha.

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    2. Dont hold back susie

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  9. Your so naughty but what a hoot !
    Like what Donna said, I have never seen a "wennie" in a jar !

    cheers, parsnip

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  10. Ooh, I love those hot dogs...Meg has good taste :)
    I am hoping the meds will allow her to become more comfortable, and her appetite picks up.
    ~Jo

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  11. OH FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!!!

    (Don't worry, I laughed really...)

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  12. Brilliant! Thanks for a laugh on a sh*t day.

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    Replies
    1. What happened lisa?

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    2. A good friends husband has died unexpectedly. She's a lovely lady, A big-hearted American, full of fun, who would help anyone. It just seems so bloody unfair.

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  13. Replies
    1. would we want him to?

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  14. Great positioning of the sausage John.

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    Replies
    1. Years of practice

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    2. Hehehehe!

      Jo in Auckland, NZ

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  15. Sausage time! Congrats on the weight loss - keep up the good work :-)

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  16. If I had been on that line I would have burst out loud laughing. Cheeky monkey.

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  17. Shame on you (as if that were going to make any difference, though)!

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    Replies
    1. Feed me the line and I am a comedy whore

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  18. Quick with a quip! Congrats on the weight loss,,,Keep it going.

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  19. They must only be sold there. All we have is little finger-sized gawd-awful things they call Vie-enny [Vienna] Sausages down here. I tried one once when I first moved here - never again, not if I was starving!

    Glad the weight is coming off, not for the reason I think though.

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  20. Sausage jokes never get old, poor old dog xxx

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    Replies
    1. Especially jumbo sausages

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  21. You just can't beat a comedy sausage !!!! …… XXXX

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  22. Reminds me of the comedy Wesslers ads at the movies.

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  23. Ooh matron! Congrats on the weight loss. And as others before me have said, you can't beat a comedy sausage (boom boom!) Love to Meg.

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  24. I wish I could be so quick with the one liners!

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  25. Ooh ! That is a very interesting angle of the sausage hey John . I know when I purchase sausages from my butcher I somehow seem to remember all the carry on jokes about sausages ....unfortunately I think I have actually said them to my butcher as well ....

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  26. I am puzzled, for even if you ate absolutely nothing for three weeks you couldn't lose that weight of fat... Could your gut have been carrying more than half a stone of resident content travelling through? Maybe you were just full of shit...

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    1. Well i have! Slimming world ( my supervisor angela) will testify to .......i am a phenomenon!
      Btw men lose weight easily

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    2. I was not disputing the numbers, I was commenting on the composition of what had been lost. A fall in the equilibrium level of GI tract contents can make a big contribution in the first few weeks. Anyway, good luck with it and keep off the scotch eggs.

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  27. Do you have such a thing as the equivalent to our 'dollar stores' over there??? A couple of cheap shower curtains to cover things with would be a lot sturdier than a roll of plastic and can be showered off and reused.
    Poor little Meg. I'm sure she was distraught after making such a mess.

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  28. Middle aged fag hag? Ouch! I've followed your blog for a long time and have always wished I could meet you, but now I'd be afraid of getting such a nasty tag. Love your humor, John, but this takes me back a bit. I am so sorry for the sad news of your dear Meg.

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    1. Bora...its always said with affection xx

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    2. I hope nobody shows the "middle aged fag hag" your blog though. It's a smallish community around there and if that is your idea of a term of affection I'm wondering how you describe those you dislike... You are a brave blogger.

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    3. And you are obviously straight
      Of course it is a term of endearment andrew!

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  29. Bora? That's alright, I still love you.

    Sincerely, MAFH

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  30. From a jar?!? I'd be losing weight as well.

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  31. So funny! Glad you still have your sense of humor.

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  32. Oh my word that IS overfamiliar. And so very unBritish. Glad you coped with it so well.

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  33. A friend's father took no prisoners. When going to collect medication from the chemist in his younger days the chemist remarked, rather too loudly, 'Blue Unction?'. The father's reply was a very loud 'YES, I'VE GOT CRABS!'

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  34. Hot Dogs in a jar???? Well i never. Never mind, i live in the colonies.

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  35. Congrats on the weight loss! Meg still in my prayers.

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  36. Good lord. I had no idea you could buy hot dogs in a jar!

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