Friday, 15 May 2015

Lesbian Lists


I saw BUNTY yesterday afternoon. The strong armed lesbian smallholder from Llanfair T H had collected some bantams from a breeder in Cheshire and stopped to water them on the way home.
I showed her my wedding ring before she even left her land rover and she boomed a massive
" FUCK ME!" through the window before congratulating me with a painful bearhug.
She may look and act like a North American lumberjack, but I've always known that she is soft as butter.
I have known many lesbian couples in my lifetime, but I can't think of a singleton dyke that I have befriended. Lesbians , in my experience, are not single for very long...they prefer being a part of an often intense, inclusive and  loving  relationship.

Years ago, when I was with a previous partner,  We use to " double date" with a painfully intense couple called Sue & Helen.  You know the sort, they were a couple who would kiss and " mew mew" at each other 24/7 if you let them and I remember that once during a dinner party of nut loaf and bean curds ,Helen showed me a life sized sculpture she had made of Sue's vulva !
I never liked either of them

Another long term lesbian twosome we used to know was Jo and Liz. These two always had a lit scented candle floating in a golden bowl filled with water on top of the piano, which signified the constant nature of the love they had for each other.
I always had the urge to throw up in that golden bowl

Micky & Sig own lots of cats, drink too much wine and clearly love each other dearly  and are perhaps the most " normal" of the couples we know and only today I got a phone call from Pam & Mal ( the lesbians with  tremendous DIY skills who constructed two of my donated hen houses in a matter of minutes) They invited us to a nibbles and drinks do  after they get married tomorrow!

Bunty

91 comments:

  1. I know quite a few Bi women, but not so many men - unless they are less open about it. I used to play darts with a lesbian team occasionally, and they were a good laugh. Those were the days of the boiler-suits.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps they all worked for British Gas?

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    2. Yes it was helium. They all filled balloons for kid's parties and had squeaky voices.

      Delete
  2. My ex neighbours Jannine and Odette were Zen Buddhists and very quiet. Not at all brash or dykey. I miss them.

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  3. There is quite a market for vulva pendants on Etsy.......obviously the demand is there. You (well not You obviously) can send in a photo of yours and have it replicated.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bloody hell i've learnt something new

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    2. I have to ask myself why this would be a thing... I like mine well enough, but wouldn't want it bronzed and on display to the world.

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    3. not so long ago i was at a meeting of birth workers and there were "crowning vulva cupcakes" served at morning tea

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  4. At least dykes remain 'good friends' after they split, not like gay men who call their ex 'a f*** slag' when they are speaking kindly of them. Whoa, did I just see the above? vulva pendants? Is it spam? It got my attention.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There speaks a gay scorned

      Delete
    2. ooh, I've known a few that carried a grudge....

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    3. Well, some do Andrew; others, not so much.

      Delete
  5. Now I'm feeling totally left out .... I don't know any lesbians, a couple of fellow bloggers that I think of as 'mates' but no one in 'real' life :-(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok...i'll send you one or two of mine

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    2. Sue, we might not always be so in your face as the gay men!!

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    3. Haha .... I'll put a shout out then ... stand up and be counted if you know me and you're a lesbian ;-)

      Delete
  6. 'I never liked either of them' . Do you mean Helen and Sue or Sue and her vulva? :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didnt like sue and helen, i hated the vulva and on reflection I didnt like my ex partner too much either

      Delete
    2. Hell, if dinner was nut loaf and bean curd and a vulva showing I wouldn't like them too much either.
      oh like gag me with a spoon fer sure

      cheers, parsnip

      Delete
  7. There's a lot of dykes in this office. They talk about children and one has just had twins in fact. I always want to ask the wrong questions so get a sock shoved in my mouth by the boys I work with. I don't think I had better mention the vulva things either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Go on
      Say the vulva word

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    2. None of them have ever shown signs of fancying me, in fact they always seem rather frightening.

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    3. Frightening or frightened

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    4. Frightening. I think. Maybe it is my perception of them, I have never known so many lesbians in once place before, this side of a gay bar; perhaps the collective name should be a vulva of lesbians. It could just be all the talk of babies, (and Doc Martens) - always puts me off, lesbians or not.

      Delete
  8. Which one was the lipstick lesbian you had living with you for a while?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Helen........im surprised you remember her.......on reflection she was the nicer one...sue was a bitch

      Delete
  9. Women are just more sentimental.

    Where does one display a life size sculpture of a vulva?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was on topof the fireplace

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    2. Fond of Swedish motors was she....?

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  10. I've got a few golf buddies who keep their record scorecard in a drawer.

    Doesn't really compare, does it?

    I'll get my willy model ordered right away.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I didn't mean to repeat myself but it seems I did, or your silly software did.

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Helen showed me a life sized sculpture she had made of Sue's vulva"

    And that's where I would cross them off my Christmas card list! =)

    ReplyDelete
  13. On my first date with my long-since ex-girlfriend Big Bad Butch, we went to see a performance artist who dressed up in a big foam rubber vulva costume. Her head was the talking clitoris and she did a great stand-up comedy routine. Hahahahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG. How do I erase that image.

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    2. Bet that looked good on her CV

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  14. Vulva...a waitress at a popular local restaurant showed her co-workers her boyfriend's package. She had a picture of it on her cell phone. In full bloom. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whats WITH that? A girl did the same at me at work!

      Delete
    2. apparently most young women these days have a collection of dick pics

      Delete
  15. Not really relevent to the topic, but I have just seen a female customer in a sex scene on the telly a few minutes ago. Shall I tell her or not?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes
      And drool a bit when you say it

      Delete
  16. Yes, it seems like most lesbians are commitment machines, just looking for the opportunity. Lesbian dates are where you meet Mom and Dad. Nobody knows what a second date for gay guys is like...

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    Replies
    1. (Clearly, I was kidding, by the way. The fact that you were showing off a wedding ring in this very post is proof of that...)

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  17. Well I'm currently doing my daughter and her girlfriends washing ( flooded flat!) and I haven't come across a single dungaree. Neither of them are particularly butch either. Perhaps they're pretend gays? hehe x

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  18. Lipstick lesbians lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is there a male equivalent of a lipstick lesbian John? I feel I'm lacking in the slang department, having only recently being introduced to the concept of a "beard". Hope all is well and the Prof is back to normal x

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    2. I guess a couple of butch guys ......

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  19. Back in the days my sister and I did art festivals together on other exhibitor was convinced we were lesbians. Another artist friend told her, "They're sisters. I know their mother."
    The reply: "That's what they say."
    It's a running joke among friends, now.

    ReplyDelete
  20. The photo that you posted looks like a typical west Texas woman. It's difficult to tell if they're Lesbians or not.......(wry humor intended....)

    When I lived in Hollywood I knew a vampire Lesbian couple. They lived on the top floor of an old apartment building, always wore black, and never went outside in the daylight.

    Were they REAL vampires? All I can say is they never tried to bite me.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Vampire lesbians?
      All very American

      Delete
  21. I have many gay men friends, but I have no lesbian friends. wonder why that is? perhaps cause I am str8 and like men better than women?

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  22. My hubby was thinking of trying some modelling clay sculpture; I'll mention this to him, that should traumatise him completely. Thankfully our fireplace doesn't have a mantlepiece - phew. The things you become grateful for.

    Thanks, yet again, for having me in helpless laughter John. i'm assuming Chris is fully recovered? xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. His bottom is now back to normal...thank you for asking x

      Delete
  23. I wonder if there's a second-hand market for vulva sculptures? I could imagine someone taking one up to The Antiques Roadshow, 'I found this in the local charity shop...'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You could lie them down and use them as an ash tray, i suppose

      Delete
    2. John! Smoking is so last year!

      Jo in Auckland, NZ

      Delete
  24. my BFF is a lesbian , with very bad taste in women as i always point out ,as she points out i have the same problem with men...ho hum . I also see it as my duty to remind her that ive known her since the days of cock

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. " days of cock"
      This blog entry is generating some interesting comments

      Delete
  25. Admittedly I first misread the title as Lesbian Lusts which obviously grabbed my attention, but then I became confused as to why someone would bother making a sculpture of a Vulva when a Lamborghini would be a much more exciting car to do a sculpture of.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would get excited over a sculpture of a berlingo

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  26. Talk of sculptures of vulvas reminded me of a TV documentary some years ago which featured a female artist who made bronze casts of erect penises of famous people. I can't remembers whose were included except one that stood out was Jimi Hendrix.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Plaster Casters!

      I've read about them. Rock fandom used to be so much more exciting...

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    2. Jimmy hendrix's penis stood out?

      Delete
  27. i have to say, John, that you have pretty much cornered the bloggy market on witty readers.

    which is unfortunate for my keyboard, having been sprayed with toast crumbs more than is probably wise.....*wipes tear*

    ReplyDelete
  28. Oh My Goodness.
    I am in tears, laughing over all the comments !
    Just what I needed today.

    Happy to know Chris is better.
    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
  29. Oh, what a lucky chance I found you today! My life is pretty much shit right now and I'm a total whiner but you gave me a little tweek of perspective in my crap attitude and I love you for it.

    I'm not very funny at all, well, not right now in all the shit, but if and when I comment again I'll try to keep the tweek and not embarrass you nor me. Thanks so much for the laugh today and a peek into your well lived life. It was just the best!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Liv.....chin up.........we have a nice load of affable despots who call in here....you are always very welcome dear heart x

      Delete
  30. 24/7 kissing? A life-size sculpture of a vulva? A floating scented candle? Well. it takes all sorts, I suppose. It would take more than that to put me off someone. We have two very long-standing lesbian friends who are reassuringly unremarkable. No vulva sculptures or floating candles anywhere in sight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well to be fair only four of my eight were pretentious

      Delete
  31. Oh, I forgot to say, enjoy the wedding!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Mmmm...... Homophobia from a gay man? Interesting!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No homophobia just a bit of gentle jesting x

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    2. Maybe a little sensitivity on my part xx

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    3. Just a little perhaps........ Bet you have some funny gay men stories?

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    4. Many... From some very special friends. And equally from as many straight friends. Lucky to have so many friends...hey?! I love your blog because it so often leaves me on the edge of hysterical laughter and .....eughhhh!! Thank you xxxx

      Delete
    5. Lol my work here is done

      Delete
  33. I like the Fosters ad picture. I could do that.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Dear gods and gollywogs... I would run away from these people. Sexual equipment is pretty, if more than a little goofy much of the time - I would neither wear it nor display it.
    Outwith the fact that I recently got a 'Carol' hairstyle (Walking Dead's Carol) the thought of me being butch is laughable... nor am I at all fond of PDA's by, or with, either gender. Can I be a lipstick lesbian when most days I can't apply it without looking like Heath Ledger's Joker?
    Dear me, I'm neither fish, nor fowl, nor good red herring. Suppose being (relatively) normal and boring will have to do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you look like carol...you are A1 inmy book

      Delete
    2. I could only hope to look like Carol, I just have her hairstyle.

      I need a hug.

      Delete
  35. Read the blog... read the comments... And.... keep coming back to when I met Bill... he believed, and emphasized to me... that we ALL were equal. I loved him for that... then realized that he also meant that I had to hold up my share of the work/cost/load. Joking aside, we have friends of all races, beliefs, and sexual orientation... no problem..... it's sometimes those who have had problems being accepted that create the stress. Now... about that sculpture.....

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hmm vulva art as a homage! Now that made me laugh.x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i dont fancy having the cast done for that

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  37. A friend of mine has her lovely bosoms on display... a clay cast she made herself.

    A butch tractor driving australian girl called me " very pretty " at a fancy hat party right in front of my then very possessive violent Irish boyfriend. He completely missed the inference & she lived without a black eye & a lost tooth thankfully. ( I did say former boyfriend didn't I ? a lucky escape for me )

    All the comments you receive make my day John xx

    ReplyDelete
  38. Have you not heard the lesbian date joke?
    Q: What does a lesbian bring to a second date?
    A: A U-Haul!
    (Does UHaul exist in Britain? In case not, I'll ruin my joke by explaining it's a moving truck rental company...or, lorry, if you prefer. Gawd, you're just ruining this joke for everyone!)

    ReplyDelete
  39. Oh dear. My gf and I are really letting down the side! No vulva jewellery, no floating candles... Just too many cats and a penchant for corduroy.

    ReplyDelete

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