Sunday, 5 April 2015

Egg On My Face

It's the biggest gig of the year in Church today, so Chris was up early setting up for the stand in vicar, who apparently is rather old and frail.
I'm looking forward to hear if there are disasters afoot

Btw You can tell it's Easter as some kind soul had given the sheep some stale hot cross buns to eat, I wondered who it was for there was also an uneaten battenburg cake on the field...Apparently Sylvia and Irene don't like marzipan.

As a treat Chris made me my favourite breakfast IN BED - a runny fried egg in a toasted bagel sandwich, which I demolished still lying  in the supine position! It was blissful

I want a lazy, pottering type day today....

Anyhow I was just putting the " pillow of porn" and the " slippers of sex" in the washing machine on a cool wash ( see previous post for an explanation) when there was a sharp knock on the window.
It was a cheerful walker out with an equally cheerful terrier who wanted eggs.
" I haven't got one" I told him honestly
" I know you've eaten them all!" He quipped pointing to my chin

I'm such a let down

I have always had this ability to cover myself and/ or my person with uneaten food. It is a skill ai have honed ever since I was old enough to wave a plastic spoon around.
My "piece de resistance" messy eating story happened when I was in the middle of a savoury pie eating frenzy on the busy train from Oxford to York.  I coughed then sneezed right in the middle of my second pie and unfortunately splattered two elderly bachelors who were sitting opposite with pork and cranberry filling.
In my experience you can only achieve a more destructive effect when sneezing whilst eating cornflakes......and I've done that too.....
Many times........
Hey ho


The Easter Lilllies in the East Window

69 comments:

  1. It makes a change from Winnie's fanny going over everything.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Its touches everything like an elephant's trunk!

      Delete
  2. That is so funny! I have been known to go out with toothpaste around my chops!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do THAT all of the time too!

      Delete
  3. I heard on the radio today that there is a chemical used in factory-made cakes (like muffins) which is lethal to dogs, even in small doses - watch out for cakes on the lawn...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My old dog finlay once ate a tiny bit of a discarded Mars bar when out for a walk and went bananas for 12 hours

      Delete
    2. I've forgotten the name of this 'food' chemical, but a R4 presenter's dog died after tucking into some shop-bought muffins. I think it begins with a z.

      Delete
  4. That paints a frightening picture. Luckily I don't travel by train.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Apparently Sylvia and Irene don't like marzipan." - what's wrong with them? I LOVE MARZIPAN! but I have never had a battenburg cake.

    good to hear the "sex toys" are being laundered properly.

    will you be taking pictures at the church today? if so, clean up first!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I shall goand take a photo of the church lillies shortly when the church is empty...i promise to post it later

      Delete
    2. thank you, dear; the lillies look loverly (ooooh, alliteration!). unfortunately, I cannot be around them due to my allergies; their fragrance makes me sneeze.

      spouse and I saw "marigold hotel" today; LOVED IT!

      Delete
  6. My friend with huge boobs removed her bra one night and a prawn head fell out! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I loved this
      Prawns are slippery little suckers
      One guy in my old psychiatric nursing group once sneezed during an induan meal and prawn shot down his nose

      Delete
    2. My mum once lost a heavy gold bracelet - 'til she undressed and it fell out of her knickers...

      Delete
    3. There's gold in them thar hills

      Delete
    4. bwhahahahahaha! 2 totally terrific tales (there's that pesky alliteration again!).

      Delete
    5. Happens to me all the time.

      Delete
    6. Hahaha! Prawns in her bra!!! I once looked after a frail elderly lady and her daughter said to me I can't find mums false teeth, I'm sure she had them in last night but I have looked everywhere. I was helping the lady to have a wash and she was very well endowed in the boob department, when I lifted her boob up to wash her the false teeth were under it and had been digging in her flesh all night. I nearly just about had a fit trying not to laugh and be professional about it!!

      Jo in Auckland, NZ

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. And a happy Easter to you Gill
      I expect you will be cooking something nice?

      Delete
  8. Yesterday I accused the hubs of having mayonnaise in his hair. Turns out it was shaving cream.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've gone out with both!

      Delete
  9. Hehee!
    My mom is good at that - in fact, when we dribble food on ourselves, we call it doing an Audrey!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like that
      " doing an Audrey"
      I think I shall steal it.

      Delete
    2. Hahaa, that would be great! ;)

      Delete
  10. Thanks for the warning, John!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am an expert in getting food in strange places! I am well known for spilling food or dropping food. People even take bets on how long it will take before I drop food down myself. In fact I think people think it's my party piece! Love to you all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Next time shiw us a photograph

      Delete
  12. Elderly bachelors is code for two old queens? My partner often manages to spill food on his clothes. Don't worry about me, the washerwoman.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They could have been
      Both men, as I remember wore shirt trousers

      Delete
  13. You never let us down! Wishing you a relaxed Easter Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You too...are you travellling today?

      Delete
    2. I am home being quiet, very relaxed day

      Delete
  14. I am the expert in cultivating a 'mayonnaise grin' and yesterday I went to the farm supplies shop sporting part of a green mustache .... we had Kale smoothies for breakfast and Lovely Hubby didn't notice my new green accessory!!

    I had spoken to the lad on the till and the farmer that puts his sheep on our field before I discovered it for myself ... oh the shame ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sue, does sucky let you know you have a food beard?

      Delete
    2. She does usually stare at anyone with food on their face, but she let me down this time!

      Delete
  15. I have a shelf for catching food which does not make it to my mouth, and that is my rather ample bosoms! Vx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So have I vera...so have I

      Delete
  16. I was on the receiving end of sneezed mackerel once. I reacted with an Angela Lansbury sense of theatre.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mackerel is revolting on a plate.....let alone mixed with spit and phlegm

      Delete
  17. My husband is the expert at leaving food stores on his person. I have asked if he's saving them for later. Ah, we all goof now and then.

    Have a wonderfully relaxing Easter Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ive just sat through KING OF KINGS on the tv........what a drag!

      Delete
  18. I spill food often enough on myself that I tend to do a quick check if i'm leaving the house. Sometimes the check is too quick, which I discover only after returning home.

    Thanks for the belly laugh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I'm not the only slattern in our bunch

      Delete
  19. Oh My Goodness...
    Great story today.
    I always have food my bra.
    It is like I have two squirrel saving food for later.
    Happy Easter

    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
  20. The church is always so beautiful. Happy Easter to you and the Professor. Keep your napkin handy.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Nothing wrong with losing yourself in your meal.

    I'm such a messy eater that, at work, they bought me a keyboard that is dishwasher-friendly. Really!

    You've got the beard to catch everything, though, so you probably don't need a keyboard like that.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Ah you favour the chin, I the breasts. Like an avalanche down my frontage. Except when I'm out and I can tie something around my neck, like a scarf which catches the debris quite secretly. There. I've confessed.
    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
  23. Try sneezing jellied eels. Please. I want to read about the results.

    Food tastes it's very best when it's decorated your beard and/or clothing; that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

    ReplyDelete
  24. With me it's tomato sauce and white shirts. They are like magnets.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love blogging about my more negative side......the comments always make me realise that I am not alone.........or even THAT bad

      Delete
  25. Happy Easter. I've just come in from shovelling snow-about an inch overnight! Probably another 6 or 7 weeks before we can plant anything here. I see the tulips are just poking their heads out of the ground. Our growing season is so for behind yours!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poor you! Glorious sunshine here!

      Delete
  26. From The Free Dictionary....
    "have egg on one's face"
    Fig. to be embarrassed by something one has done. (As if one went out in public with a dirty face.) I was completely wrong, and now I have egg on my face. She's really got egg on her face!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ah. I've been teaching my children to eat properly, but even they get a dispensation if they sneeze. That's an unstoppable force.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My mother never taught me... Mind you she was a chain smoker

      Delete
  28. Happy Easter, John! Spring looks incredibly beautiful in your neck of the woods. We in the western United States are enduring a horrible once in a 1,000 year drought. I long for the verdant green countryside in your picture!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Does Winifred have access to your bedroom at night?

    Just wondering what else you may find on your face.

    Would you even notice?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even I WOULD NOTICE A FANNY

      Delete
  30. loving the comments here!
    if i have a capuccino while i'm out i nearly always manage to get a chocolate smear from the rim of the cup across my nose. and i never ever catch it before i am home again

    ReplyDelete
  31. I can elicit loud laughter amongst the daughters by showing up for dinner with a white shirt on.....they don't even wait for the first splatter of marinara sauce.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Sounds like you need to wear a welder's mask when you eat, in order to protect those around you.

    I can be a real slob, but I usually eat very neatly. It's a weird quirk.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Richard Pryor once said "Chinese use two little sticks for their food, don't drop a speck. N***** lose 20 pounds of food with a knife and fork."

    ReplyDelete
  34. The only trouble with 'Breakfast in Bed' (only?) is not just the crumbs and detritus getting onto and between the bedsheets but also that when you've eaten, if you want to get a further bit of shut-eye you've got to get out of bed anyway to brush your teeth. All little annoyances with which you'll be familiar with, I'm sure.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Happy Easter John, you do make me laugh, and continue to educate. Who would have known that sheep don't like marzipan !!
    Twiggy x

    ReplyDelete
  36. I hope the spilt food tendency doesn't get too out of hand, or you'll end up looking like Father Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Never mind the egg in your beard I am blown away by the celandines in the churchyard.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I cover other people. It's much more satisfying. My mother suffered during her visit from a covering of tea by moi. She said I'd always been clumsy.

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x