Wednesday, 18 March 2015

One, Two , three.........


My husband, The Professor, is working away again for the next few days and today after dropping him off at the station, I am due to take part in my yearly CPR training.
Contrary to general belief, full cardiac arrests on intensive care are few and far between. this is because most sudden deteriorations in patients' conditions are usually preempted by good medical and nursing practise.
During my thirty odd years as a practising nurse I must have performed resuscitation perhaps 30 times.
28 times in hospital settings and twice in the community
I have performed CPR on a bulldog which was a challenge given the size of her mouth and once brought back an indian runner duck from the dead after she had strangled herself in some netting.

Nowadays , most people have an idea of what to do in the event of a witnessed cardiac event. The training has been simplified so that any lay person can get stuck in, sing the BeeGee's " Staying Alive " to themselves and compress someone's chest successfully.
Resuscitation , thankfully, is not the domain of health care professionals anymore!

I once chatted to a woman who had collapsed outside the Town Hall in Sheffield. She had suffered a full cardiac arrest and was brought back from the brink of death by two workmen in hard hats who had been working on some nearby roadworks.
I asked her what she remembered of the event.
" not much" , she answered " But when I came to, I did remember thinking that that it was slightly odd that one of those blokes had my worst grey bra slung over his shoulder"

78 comments:

  1. I'm too sore to be laughing like this John! 'Worst grey bra'... that would be me, lol.

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    1. That would be just my luck, too! No doubt in the same situation I'd have on my rattiest bra!

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  2. Perhaps my mama had a point when she told me to wear nice underwear when I went out 'in case of an accident'.

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    1. My mother used to tell me the same thing EC... and, me being me, I assumed she was referring to a different kind of 'accident'.

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    2. Same here, although mother used to say 'what if you get knocked over by a bus' It was a long time before I realised what she meant!

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    3. what did she mean? I've always taken that expression literally...?

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    4. Exactly! that's why it took me so long to work it out. She meant knocked over by a bus and had to be taken to hospital. I always thought that if I had been knocked over by a bus I'd be more likely heading to the mortuary.

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  3. OMW John, I started off laughing at the mice doing the job and then collapsed in a heap at the last sentence in your post ! You are the best! xx

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  4. I wonder if she'd have felt mollified if it had been her BEST one.

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    1. Has Inrecall she wasnt bothered either way......

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  5. They took her bra off ? I wasn't taught that on my recent first aid course !

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    1. that was going to be my question, do you have to take off the person's bra when doing CPR?

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    2. I think the workmen were a bit over zealous

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  6. Your husband, The Professor. My husband the retired pensioner. How did I get it so wrong.

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    1. I kisseda few frogs before chris believe me

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  7. 50 times seems quite a lot to me.

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    1. I think you may be right... Perhaps 30 would be a more realistic number

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  8. Listen to you - "my husband The Professor". I have only performed CPR twice - neither of the poor victims survived. Perhaps I did it wrong!
    (Funny about the grey bra though.)

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  9. "My husband, The Professor" - doesn't that phrase have the most beautiful sound when read aloud! you are still in the honeymoon phase!

    as for the rest of the post - bwhahahahahahaha! at 6a.

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    1. PS - any more wedding pix/vid to share?

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    2. A few ...ill see what i can do x

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  10. A spoonful of sugar might help the medicine down but a good dollop of humour helps to get the message across.

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  11. It would be strange enough to see my bra across a blokes shoulder outside the Town Hall whatever its hue.

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    1. Stranger to see mine!

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    2. Bet you've lost your bra in more interesting places

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    3. He'd have to have awfully big shoulders for mine....just sayin'!

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    4. Swinging hammocks?

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    5. Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders!

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  12. Two men in hardhats surrounding me, I might have through I had died and gone to the great beyond.

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  13. Obviously, not 'The Nutty Professor'! lol While I'm typing this, I've just seen my eldest son's name on the credits at the end of 'Homes Under the Hammer'!! He's a VT Editor. He's in London right now working on 'Dog Rescuers'. I don't know what relevance this has to any of your post but just wanted to share!!!!Have a good week. xxx

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    1. What super news for your son and the fact you were able to be happy for his success.

      cheers, parsnip

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    2. Thanks, Parsnip. I was so happy that I took a screenshot of the credits when his name appeared and posted it on my FB page. He was not impressed and made me take it off immediately! Well, that's what Mothers do, innit??!

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  14. LOL! nearly wet myself laughing at this and yes, I do take CPR seriously.......
    Remind me never to start reading even the title of your blog post with a full bladder!!! Close call! Too much info? xx

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  15. I once performed CPR on a goldfish. Oh yes I did. It was dead, floating on top of the water. My dad took the other fish out of the tank so he could clean it. Being a curious kid I began playing with the dead fish, pushing it under the water with my finger and watching it float to the top again. All of a sudden the fish wiggled and swam away! A miracle and no mistake.

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    1. Mad as a badger x

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    2. I once thought a goldfish was dead and tipped it into the toilet, it started swimming again just as I flushed.

      The moral of this story ..... don't sit still for too long I'm around :-)

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  16. Mom always told me to be wearing my best underpinnings when I left the house. At my age, perhaps I'd best make more of an effort to do just that. You never know when guys in hard hats may have to save you. Best of luck with your training John.

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  17. You couldn't make it up!!! Excellent anecdote, totally unexpected...

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  18. when you say The Professor I think of Gilligan's Island...sorry about that Chris...training my brain to think leather elbow patches...

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    1. Patches are very trendy now

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  19. I've never been on either end of CPR and hope to always leave it to others.

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  20. Maybe the bra was interfering with the compressions? I am baffled.

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    1. I think it was a robust underwired thing

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  21. I only performed CPR on CPR Annie, it involved a lot of rubbing alcohol and no bra.

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    1. All rather boring then!

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  22. I admire people who know CPR. I went on the course once, but after a few times my OCD made me hyperventilate about having to touch other people so much that I had to stop. I did learn the CPR and choking stuff. The teacher got fed up with me. I think I should maybe do it again, but on tranquillisers.

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    1. Perhaps you are better suited to something more relaxing x

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  23. I love reading the "my husband" bit! :)

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  24. As part of our antenatal classes many years ago, we had to practise mouth to mouth on a very realistic looking pretend baby. I must have got a bit carried away because the midwife told me to go easy; that I was trying to resuscitate the baby, not inflate it!!

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  25. ' My Husband. The Professor. ' Absolutely Brilliant. :-)

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  26. The moral of the story seems to be always wear your best undies when going anywhere - you never know.

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  27. I think we need to hear more about the bulldog CPR!

    You are an excellent storyteller.

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    1. I'ts a sad story

      http://disasterfilm.blogspot.co.uk/2011/08/you-give-your-heart-to-dog-to-tear.html

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    2. ahh ... I didn't realize it turned out like that. I'm sorry to open that wound. We very recently lost a cat to a suspected blood clot. It was sudden and sad. This was the cat who stayed by my side last summer after surgery (see my comment yesterday). There are worse ways to die, for sure, but it is hard on those left behind when it's so sudden. I did my share of crying and then some. Please accept my very, very late condolences on your loss.

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    3. Its fine jenny
      No old wounds just happy memories

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  28. My husband, the Professor'! How cool does that sound and how posh... of course if you'd been the old lady (gods forbid) the workmen would have had a choice of embarrassing Ukranian village garments to choose from.

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  29. Have you done any cycling lately, John? Grey bra. I bet she was married. Only joking!

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    1. Funnily enough i plan to get the bikes out this weekend!

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  30. DH got his certification about six months back. Its good so many people get certified now. LOL on her best grey bra. :O)

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  31. This is why so many mothers tell us to be sure and wear clean underwear in good repair.

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  32. Is it true that you people will ignore a "Do not resuscitate me" tattoo on the chest? Was considering getting one but my dear wife helpfully suggested it might be better as "Please do not resuscitate him", with her signature beneath. What a joker she is eh?

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    1. Get a living will drawn up

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    2. That's not going to stop some "do-gooder" in the street banging a person's ribs to resuscitate them when they would prefer to be left alone if their heart has decided it's time to stop.

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    3. Make sure you piss yourself
      No one will touch you then

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    4. Too much to expect them to just read the bloody instructions and respect my wishes then?

      Seriously, the medical profession's insistence on preventing death at all costs regardless of the possibility that their work so often condemns people to years of misery (as I have seen at close hand) is a problem.

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    5. Andrew the nhs is getting better at dealing with DNR
      ( do not resuscitate) but with people suing the system left right and centre, i can understand just why things get complicated

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  33. The old gal probably opened her eyes and thought she had died and gone to heaven!

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  34. Don't you love the words "my husband"? Occasionally I forget and refer to Willy Dunne Wooters as my husband. I usually say, You are the best husband in the world. Then I remember we aren't married and aren't getting married. He's still the best husband in the world.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I find it ......well rather sweet........boyfriend is innapropriate
      Partner too impersonal

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  35. OMG good reminder to buy new undies for sure...

    Congrats upon Chris! A Professor! Remind him that behind every successful man is a dedicated spouse, ;) .

    xoxo

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  36. LOL, too funny! We have a friend who had a massive heart attack out of blue while on an exercise bike at the gym. He remembers nothing but fell dead off the bike and was jump started by one of those machines they have in public buildings these days. He has a pace maker now and a happy second marriage to a lady he met afterwards, and lives in an idyllic place in WA called Broome, so I guess he feels very lucky the right person and right machine were there that day!

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  37. Just how much did you enjoy writing 'My husband, the Professor'??!!

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    1. More than I thought it would x

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  38. Absolutely priceless. I thought the mouse pic was funny but the grey bra OVER the chap's shoulder had the tears running down my legs!

    I'll bet the resus officer cries when you come to the update class and certainly doesn't ask the attendees to share any of their experiences.....! Now, are you any good at enlivening a mandatory fire lecture.....?

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