Wednesday, 4 February 2015

A Pig In A Drainpipe



I was busy at work last night and didn't go for my break until 4 am?
I fell asleep in the coffee room right in the middle of eating a banana, and was only woken 25 minutes later after one of the doctors , who was on his break, coughed very loudly.
I knew I had been snoring
I always do.
I had been dribbling too......with a little line of spit was hanging down from the side of my mouth and what was left of the banana had been squashed flat in my lap.
I'm a real classy chick
" have I been snoring?" I asked the medic
" like a sick pig caught in a drainpipe" he said rather huffily.
It's not a nice habit.
Years ago, I was helping out at the Inter Spinal Injury Games at the Stoke Mandeville para Olympic village, where I had to share a dormitory with an eclectic mixture of paraplegics, quadriplegics and able bodied " helpers"
One night I was snoring so loudly that two paraplegics got up in their wheelchairs and tried to push my bed out of the fire exit in order to get a little bit of peace.


77 comments:

  1. That is the one (and only one) advantage of being deaf. You always get a good night's sleep.

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    1. I'm slightly deaf and sometimes I even wake myself up

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  2. Years ago, The Family rented a cabin and my BIL snored so loudly Hubby and I got up and went into the back of our Jeep to sleep. Well, not much sleep happened but lots of laughing and mosquito slapping. Easy to do when you're young.

    BIL wears a CPap now...

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    1. Oh, something to look forward to now

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  3. The words on the card above apply to you and Chris then. xx

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    1. He's remarkable sanguine about it Rachel

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    2. P sounds like a road drill when he snores. I sleep in the east wing to get as far away from the noise as possible.

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  4. At least you admit you snore. The kids once videoed their dad snoring as proof. He still insisted they'd dubbed it.

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    1. I can think of other habits I would rather hide away

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  5. I shared a room with my two German mates once, and in the morning they were looking at me as if they wanted to kill me, with dark rings under their eyes.

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    1. You were probably singing " two world wars doodah doodah, "
      In your sleep

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  6. You must be related to Larry the guy who I shared a dormitory with in rehab.

    One his first night in Steve and I did really contemplate murder! His wife kindly then supplied us with the ear plugs she'd found most successful in combating the din!

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    1. The paras managed to get half my bed out into the open air before I woke up

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  7. When Matt was in the army his mates used to draw straws to see which poor sod was going to have to sleep nearest his godawful snoring :)

    I used to liken it to an enraged warthog with its head in an aluminium bucket being interfered with by a baboon. It's better since he stopped smoking but I still spend the odd night on the sofa.

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    1. Lol........i don't know if I sound like a sexually molested warthog
      But chris word probably disagree

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  8. The aim of palatal surgery is to reduce or stop the collapsibility of the oropharyngeal segment (area around the throat). This is usually done by reducing the amount of soft palate and/or removing the tonsils.Worth considering.

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  9. Like a cat drowning in porridge is the other phrase I like! I like the thought of pushing you out of the room!
    I've never snored in my life, much....

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    1. Strange most of these comments are from men kev

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  10. I've always said when my husband snores that he sounds like a bulldog with its head stuck in a bucket (sorry Winnie).

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  11. 'with an electric mixture of paraplegics, quadriplegics and able bodied " helpers" ;

    This makes me see a sleeping dorm full of people plugged in to recharge their batteries... Don't dribble on the sockets please!

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  12. Gosh your snoring must be really bad to try & push you out of a room! Oh poor Chris, getting married to such a snorer. I'm trying to imagine now what a healthy pig stuck in a drainpipe would sound like! I've been told by my husband that I'm a particularly bad snorer, not that he is without the habit himself x

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  13. John I really wish you had used a picture of you sleeping in the chair with the banana in your lap for the caption to this blog post lol.

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  14. You should write a sitcom based on your life! It sounds much funnier than anything on the tv at present. I just cant get that image of the two paraplegics being in such a huff that they got up and even that didn't wake you LOL

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  15. mine snores like a bull moose in heat. I sleep alone; otherwise I would be a stark raving sleep-deprived bitch constantly!

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    1. A sleep deprived bitch
      A grand phrase

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  16. The loudest snorer in our house is the Pug!!

    Whenever anybody phones they always say 'Is Suky sat somewhere near you ... I can hear her snoring", we even have to increase the volume on the television as the evening wears on, she just gets louder and louder.

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    1. Our first bulldog , Constance was a dreadful snorer
      I made several vides of her for the blog when she was alive

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  17. Luckily both dh and I snore, so we drown one another out!!! I am talking about snakes on my blog today.

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  18. We all snore here. Tom, me and 5 cats. lol
    Briony
    x

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  19. Neither I nor my sweetheart snore (although I do sing in my sleep, but that's another story) but our four pups are quite vocal...

    Lily, the doodle, yips in her sleep.
    Abby, the dainty pitbull, snores like a motor boat.
    Buddha, the Boston bedrat, snores like a jackhammer.
    And Geraldo, the little Pomeranian/Chihuahua cross? He hiccups. Every time he sleeps....

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  20. Replies
    1. I forgave him, he had just worked 24 straight

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  21. You unintentionally made me laugh today. At least I think it was unintentional. Elsewhere alluded to it but didn't come right out and say it, so I will. I don't think you meant "an electric mixture" -- I think you meant "an eclectic mixture"....

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    1. Dammm this automatic spell check!

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  22. My daughter once, when she was young, told me I snored like "a dying moose."
    Sigh.

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  23. And Dr Chris is STILL going to marry you? He must love you very much indeed.

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    1. He grinds his teeth in his sleep

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    2. Oh well then, all is "even steven." Carry on!

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  24. Snoring is amazingly common. Jenny and I both snore but only occasionally and not too loudly so usually we don't wake each other up. I'm more likely to be woken by the patter of rain on the windows.

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  25. That's loud snoring!

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  26. Ha ha...I love the idea of pushing your bed out so they can sleep!

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  27. Is it a habit John?...I don't have any control over my snoring......and I've had my tonsils out, tried the nose strips, etc., but nothing seems to work. Last time I was in London I shared my daughters bed...I awoke to find her glaring at me with a murderous look...she couldn't stand it and went to sleep on the couch!..I wonder what that medics bedside manner is like...he sounds like a right pain...x

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    1. I have a fat neck Libby..."on my back...the snoring starts

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  28. My wife snores when lying on her right side. I have found several different ways to remedy this.

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    1. For instance? A heel up the arse?

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  29. How does Chris stand it? I made my hubs sleep in another room and even with the door closed he wakes me up.

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    1. The only reason I don't make my husband sleep in the other room is that it's far more effort to get out of bed, go along the hallway and tell him to shut up! Much easier to jab him in the ribs with my elbow!

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  30. This is hilarious! I can picture it all!
    I snored more years ago I am told. At one point it was so bad that Ron recorded it on a tape that I used daily with the kids at school. And yes....when I switched it on the next day I wasn't sure what the hell we were hearing! The kids were laughing and I made up some excuse or another! Ron has paid for that one ever since!!

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  31. That postcard is genius. Though I am more impressed with pissing off paraplegics so much that they wheeled you out of the room. LOL
    I usually, gently, turn my hubby's face to the other side to make him stop. But being a back sleeper, it can get bad. There are times he and the pup are both snoring. Lord help me. I have woken myself up while snoring and it is pretty funny. Our snoring happens more in winter I think it is the dry heat from the radiators. I am also a mouth breather which I try to correct as much as possible. I fear my toddler may be one as well. Poor kid.

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    1. Chris just calls out " turn over"
      And still asleep over I go

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  32. I had a great auntie that snored so badly she had us (kids) convinced that there was a wild tiger in the living room when she slept over. Only trouble was, the bathroom was on the opposite side. Bedwetting was preferable.

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  33. Have you had your nose examined?

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    1. Only by a welsh terrier

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  34. My MIL lives with us, and is a seriously problematic snorer for the both of us. Sometimes I grip the pillow so tightly.......but she keeps managing to push it away.

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    1. The best line of the comments Gary

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    2. Splort! Oh, very good indeed.

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  35. My wife and daughters have for years had this running joke about dad snoring and make mock complaints. I laugh along with them but of course I would be mortified if it were true.

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  36. Good people can be driven to do bad things by lying awake exhausted, listening to a spouse chainsawing logs.

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  37. Hahaha the last line has me chortling into my morning cuppa John!! I am a snorer I hate it, I sometimes snore so loud I wake myself up! I once was asleep in a chair (it happens sometimes) in a "den" in the lower part of a very huge house and one of the guests was woken up and wondered if the house was haunted lol. Then they followed the sound and I got a very big telling off .... hahaha.

    Jo in Auckland, NZ

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    1. I hate those short little " snorts" you make just as you are falling off to sleep when sat in a car or train etc.........

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  38. Every Christmas in Ireland, there would be brawls at Granny's house between everyone who absolutely did not want to share a room with Aunt Biddy. Her daughter was the biggest complainer, though perhaps because she was trying to cover up the fact that not only does she snore louder than her mother, she also makes very strange noises between snores....

    I laugh in my sleep. Multiple college roommates said they would have preferred snoring.

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    1. I have woken myself up laughing...well giggling more like.....it always makes my day ( or night) x

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  39. I wonder why a lot of folks will deny they snore? What the heck... how would they know? It's kinda like when the phone ringing wakes you up and the person asks if you were asleep and we (most of us?) deny it... Oh no... I was awake, I was just... what? letting the cat out? Like it must be embarrassing to caught asleep? Well, maybe drooling into your lap which holds a smashed banana might be ;-)

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    1. I never thought about that before but you are right.. We often never really say the truth do we?

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    2. My husband always denied that he snored very loudly until my son recorded him on my phone one day!

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  40. Why not go for the combo John. Farting, snoring and dribbling in your sleep.

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  41. Your post is perfectly timed: sleep deprived bitch here to quote an earlier comment. The better half was snoring to beat the band and there I was walking downstairs in the middle of the night to the chesterfield with pillow and blanket in hand. It was either that or there would have been unsightly blood stains on the upstairs carpet.

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  42. My husband snores so loud that when we were camping this summer, the family next to us asked the following morning when we had heard the "bear" in camp last night. John, there were no bears in that part of the country... I explained that it was, in fact, my husband and they replied that they didn't think anything human could make that much noise....I still laugh....

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  43. It takes talent to entertain while sound asleep.

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