Saturday, 17 January 2015

Cleaning The Church

W/E 18th January....Mr J Gray

The vicar's bought a new Vacuume Hoover .
I don't like it.
It's one of those skinny little things that has no substance to it.
I feel like an over weight girl pushing around a child's toy hoover when I'm vacuuming inbetween the pews.
For It doesn't feel quite real.
I've gone over the carpets, polished the woodwork and buffed up the brass plates.
It doesn't take long.
The Church, strangely enough always seems devoid of any dust.
After I had done, I employed my secret weapon when it comes to proving to all that the cleaning has indeed been completed
I ran up and down the aisle blasting my own bottle of FEBREEZE into every four corners of the church.
I even gave the Vicar's vestments a quick squirt
Ooh matron!

36 comments:

  1. The world needs many more men like you.

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    1. I totally agree! And, I wish I could find one!!

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    2. A gay scotch egg addict Galestorm? Good luck with that search but be careful what you wish for.

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    3. There must be at least one other one of us around?

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  2. Ah, but you might have done no cleaning at all, just sprayed lots of Febreze everywhere.

    You gave the Vicar's vestments a quick skirt? You naughty boy.

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  3. Maybe the vicar had been into an 'Ann Summers' (mistakenly, of course) and THOUGHT it was one of those titchy vacuum cleaner thingies.

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  4. Clean and smelling fresh! Sounds a very comforting place.

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  5. As long as it smells clean the eye sees what it wants to see.

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  6. Nothing like a clean pew to sit on!

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  7. I am quite fond of the vicar's alb.

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  8. If you can clean the Church I think I can get myself in gear and clean up my destroyed studio.

    cheers, parsnip

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  9. I have a mental image of you rushing about, waving a burning paper, or perhaps a mild incense stick, to blast the mustiness from all corners.

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  10. You are brilliant. When I got my first house many moons ago, we only cleaned when my parents came for dinner. This involved shoving everything behind closed doors and squirting furniture polish about, so it smelt clean :)
    Twiggy

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  11. Maybe he chose it for the little old ladies who do other slots on the rota (or perhaps it was cheap!)

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  12. Are you saying it doesn't suck? Or that it DOES suck? I'm confused.

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  13. What Febreeze aroma do you prefer? Meadows and Rain, Greek Seaside, Wildflower, Thai Dragonfruit, Spring and Renewal? In The Lord's House there should surely be a special holy aroma - something like Olive Branch or Frankincense and Donkey Droppings.

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    1. "Warm milk and honey bedding "

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  14. Vacuum cleaners are flimsy little things these days since you can no longer by the really powerful ones. My powerful one is on its last legs, making the most awful row. So soon I shall be reduced to dancing around with one like you have - at least my cleaning lady will. The last time I used a cleaning device was a very long time ago I am glad to say.

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  15. I am in love with my Roomba. I use the vacuum for corners and spots the Rooba can't reach.

    Love,
    Janie

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  16. Top tip here from along time church cleaner. A quick blast round with 'Mr Sheen' has them all saying 'everything here is always beautifully polished'

    No it isn't, it just smells like it is!

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  17. You should have shares in FEBREEZE John !!!! …… and DOMESTOS !! XXXX

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    1. I think we need to point out that other brands of fabric freshener and bleach are available (until they offer John some money for all the free adverts). Will we see the new TV ad campaign - "Nothing freshens fanny foulings like Fabreeze.")? Probably not, even if the camera does then cut away from John holding his Febreeze by the bedside to a guilty bulldog in heat just to avoid misunderstanding.

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  18. Hello I came from Two Little Square Black Dogs blog. I love eggs...scotch eggs, yum :-)
    Your post reminded me that I need to do some dusting. Wish our house is devoid of it.

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  19. Is it a Shark? I have one of those.

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  20. The spirits are coughing, sneezing and quite cross.

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  21. Poor vicar. I hate the smell of Febreze. Less than I hate the smell of cat butt on the couch though, so I have to admit it has its usefulness.

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  22. I think the vicar, on smelling his vestments, is going to think that you think that he smells. Maybe he does. Maybe you should squirt him in the vestry before he preaches.

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    1. Like the support team with a formula 1 Pitt stop

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  23. What scent Febreeze? Original? I don't care for it much. Does the vicar smell?

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  24. Those 'stick' Hoovers are fine for small houses (such as mine), but for a church I would have thought they were useless. More industrial cleaner territory. I've never smelt 'Fabreze'; but I can imagine!

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  25. How I wish my house was devoid of dust.......although I only dust it now and again so its my own fault....but even in the long off days of dusting every day it never seemed to disappear!.....do you use Brasso John? I've tried the cheaper stuff and its no good......

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  26. Ha, Ha! I watched ,'Death in Paradise' this week and the policeman was trying to impress the new female Sgt, he said, "I have to go, I'm polishing the church pews tonight." Bet he didn't and wouldn't do them as well as you would lol!
    When I have to use Febreeze, I use 'Cotton Fresh'. It doesn't make me cough and sneeze like other scents.

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  27. I've wanted a Dyson for years. I hate those lightweight vacuums. As for squirting a vicar... I've never tried it.

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  28. Oooh errr ... you should ALWAYS squirt the Vicars vestments ;-)

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  29. I'm rather fond of buffing a bit of brass myself.

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