Sunday, 30 November 2014

Memories of Fighting Lesbians


This week our pub was taken over by two manager landladies.
I only know this because three separate people have told me, when I have been out with the dogs throughout the week.
One told me that Chris and I were no longer " The only gays in the village"
So I am presuming that a lesbian couple has taken charge.
But of course, it's always dangerous to presume anything.
Not until you get the info from the horses mouth
When the third person, commented with a knowing look that two ladies were in charge of the pub, I decided to have a little fun
The conversation went roughly as follows
Villager 1: " There are two women managing  at The Crown" said with a theatrically wide eyed smile
Me: " Great stuff.....a lot of people commented that the previous manager was a bit stand offish"
Villager 1: " Have you met the " girls" yet?"
Me: " no what are they like?"
Villager 1: " Well...they ARE very friendly and nice enough.........you'll have something in common of course !" ( another knowing look)
Me: " why? .........Do they keep chickens?"
Villager 1 ( thrown for a moment) " errr no, I don't think so"
Me" oh that's a shame"
I left it at that

Speaking of lesbians and pubs, when I was single and living in Sheffield , I would occasionally go to " The Cossack " one of the few gay bars in the city.
It was a dive of a place, situated between the University buildings and the railway station, and I remember one Thursday night many many years ago now , when a massive fist fight erupted in the centre of a large contingent of very butch women.
Apparently the argument started when two bulldog dykes fell out over a particularly sweet looking lipstick lesbian!
There is nothing more dangerous than a butch lesbian scorned
Bar stools and several pint glasses flew, the swearing was worse than anything that could have been heard on the terraces of Hillsborogh football club as lesbians from across South Yorkshire seemed to join in with the bar room brawl, and I remember killing myself laughing,when quite suddenly, a very camp and frail elderly man clutching a rather battered cocktail staggered out amongst the denim dungarees gasping for breath with a hand around his throat
" the horror! .......oh......The horror!" he cried
God love an old queen!

49 comments:

  1. Me: " why? .........Do they keep chickens?"

    Absolutely brilliant ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was going to say that! :-)

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    2. I'm usually not that quick

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  2. You should stop in for a pint and see what comes out of the horses mouth. I am looking forward to being a dramatic old queen some day - my how time flies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suggested it to chris this lunchtime but he had to work!

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  3. snappy comeback, john! do go check it out and report back to us!

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  4. The nearest pub to here used to have lesbian darts nights. They were the friendliest bunch ever. We have one young gay man serving in our local, but he had to be shipped in from Bristol. There's more happening in rural Wales, by the sound of it.

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    Replies
    1. I wouldn't put money on it.

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  5. Oh do go and come back to us with a report of the goings on at the Crown! Maybe they've got a bulldog..........

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  6. I once heard a mixed raced comedy poet/singer singer say he once walked into a posh rural pub in Cheshire and bought a pint. The landlady said:

    "We had one of your sort in the other day."

    He turned to the audience and said:

    "How did she know I was a City fan? I wasn't wearing my scarf".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A better line than mine!

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  7. Looking forward to finding out if they keep chickens....or dogs....

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  8. My best mate once took me to a long gone gay pub in Doncaster The Vine , it was to prove to me that she shouldnt try to put herself out there more , scariest place ive ever been to and i used to frequent biker bars . She was a petit pretty lesbian and they were all like shrek with tattoos ...so stereotypical

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What did you expect?
      It was Doncaster

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  9. This should liven up your local; if it needs livening up.

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  10. Villager 1 managed to dig a hole without a shovel!
    Jane x

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  11. You should have told the villager that it was a "takeover"...labels. You are our sunshine John! I can never think that fast :)

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  12. Two bulldog dykes and a lipstick lesbian. Sounds like a title to one of my art works.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or the title of your latest?
      Go one do me a drawing

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  13. The image of the elderly gent will forever be with me. "The horror...oh, the horror!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He was playing to the crowd but I was funny

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  14. Perhaps the thing you have in common is that they love Scotch Eggs?

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  15. And now it's just a patch of grass. Happy days....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's talking about the cossack

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  16. I like anyone who can come up with a Conrad quote.

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  17. Hope they turn out to be sisters!

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    Replies
    1. PS On the other hand, they may be a lesbian couple, hoping for a life in a quiet Welsh village, only to be exposed by the (in)famous blogger, John Gray...Visions of you pursued round Trelawnyd by angry landladies with rolling pins, calling in the dogs for protection!

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    2. Outing is not my style x

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  18. You kept a cool head; well done!

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  19. Loved loved loved both stories.
    Oh the horror ! Still holding a drink !
    I hope the ladies are mother/daughter, sisters or even adopted cousins ! hahahahahaha

    Tucson is a very welcoming town despite what Obama, La Raza, the Mexican government and the news says.
    Daughter and her partner love it here. But every once in awhile Daughter will get a few weird looks, I think because of her hair shaved super short on one side and long on the other. It has been pink and my favorite purple. So she gets the look.

    Hope Phillis is feeling better.
    I have a similar dog and coyote story that I will post on Monday.
    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gayle, Phyllis is looking ok today, still a bit quiet but she has eaten all of her treat of dog food

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  20. OK, I really wish I'd seen that fight!! (Though I can kind of see it in my mind now...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Think of a john Wayne bar room brawl... And you get the gist

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  21. Lyndsey who used to run the Cross Foxes in Prestatyn was a lesbian. Quite an imposing lass but a heart of gold and a great sense of humour.
    Maybe it's her who has taken over the Crown. Be a good pub if she has. Saw her face down a couple of thugs one day, they slunk away with their tails between their legs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ro
      Welcome.....another local.....nice to have you aboard
      Let's hope it's Lyndsey
      Chris is working away all week..... I may pop in and have a crafty half...........
      Perhaps affable despot jason may want to come along

      Delete
  22. I keep chickens, too! Maybe they have something in common with me! And the bar fight? Oh, the humanity!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well if you look good looking chicks you certainly do have something in common

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  23. I saw one once, lesbian brawl, and it was funny in a really odd sort of way. They screamed and yelled at each other, then they threw things, then they threw a couple of punches, and then they backed off for a few minutes before starting up again, yelling, throwing and punching. We left when a little cocktail table went flying through the air.

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    Replies
    1. We're YOU at the Cossack in 1989?

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  24. I was in the middle of a lesbian brawl on board a ferry in San Francisco (I couldn't make this up)! You are spot on when you said that butch dykes can be testy. Thank goodness some professional football players stepped up to quell the disturbance.

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  25. people say some strange things. i once struck up a friendship with a woman who was rumoured to be gay and a couple of people weirdly warned me that she might be "interested"
    like she couldnt figure out im straight and like i couldnt enlighten her as neccessary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well,beIng fancied is always a bonus

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    2. yes!
      but she didnt, i'm sure

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  26. Made me laugh out loud. Thank you.

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  27. Bless you for your "innocent" response to the nudge-nudge, wink-wink. I find it irritating and somewhat demeaning when folks assume all gays/lesbians will get along famously because they're...whatever the hell we all are. Human?

    ReplyDelete

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