Monday, 3 November 2014

Poem


When it comes to " art" I have a couple of blind spots
I have never really " got " Shakespeare and in general poetry tends to leave me all a bit cold.
When I was 16 I dropped out of o level English literature because I couldn't be arsed with studying The Tempest. CSE English Literature studied The Catcher In the Rye, which was much more my style . I was the only person in the class to get a grade 1 in the exam......
I don't think we studied poetry in CSE English, I don't recall we did.....perhaps that is the reason I have never read poetry as a rule.
Having said this , I do love listening to the odd clever and humorous piece of poetry
Like this David Sidaris dog poem
Enjoy

A former purebred Boston terrier,
Her family's wond'ring where to bury her.
Each Saturday at half past one,
Miss shih tzu has her toenails done.
In the chair she pouts and squirms,
Not knowing that she's full of worms.
Most ev'ry evening Goldilocks
Snacks from Kitty's litter box.
Then, on command, she gives her missus
Lots of little doggie kisses.
Hercules, a Pekinese,
Was taken in and dipped for fleas.
Insecticide got in his eyes,
Now he'll be blind until he dies.
The Deavers' errant pit bull, Cass,
Bit the postman on the ass.
Her lower teeth destroyed his sphincter,
Now his walk's a bit distincter.
The bitches loved the pug Orestes
Until the vet snipped off his testes.
Left with only anal glands,
He's been reduced to shaking hands.
Each night, old Bowser licks his balls,
Then falls asleep till nature calls.
He poops a stool, then, though it's heinous,
Bends back down and licks his anus.
Dachshund Skip from Winnipeg
Loves to hump his master's leg.
Every time he gets it up, he
Stains Bill's calf with unborn puppy.
A naughty Saint Bernard named Don,
Finds Polly's Kotex in the john.
He holds the blood steak in his jaws
And mourns her coming menopause.

32 comments:

  1. Okay. Never read that one and it is now one of my very favorite poems ever written. I am such a poetry peon. I really do like the ones that rhyme. And make me laugh.
    So thank you.

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  2. I'd find it hard to imagine anyone not being impressed with this poem, J.G. - but 'enjoy'? Well, I know what you mean. Very graphic - and some of it quite disturbing! But David Sedaris is always one who's worth one's attention.

    I wonder if your blind spot for W.S. was due to your having a teacher who thought he was a bit of a drag. We were lucky to have a young priest-teacher whose enthusiasm for the Bard was so infectious that I caught the 'bug', influencing my life probably more than any other person I know. Since I left school 52 years ago I've read a Shakespeare play every single month - and he simply never palls. In fact for me his profundity is endless. Aren't I lucky? No, I can guess that that you don't envy me in the least.

    I only read 'Catcher' for the first time about 20 years ago - and was a bit disappointed at the end to find that the final episode is of Caulfield escaping the advances of a man he describes as 'flitty'. Very much a product of its time, I know, but I feel a pang of discomfort that such a seminal work of literature, read by so many young people, often under compulsion, should present such a negative view of same-sex attraction (plus, in this case, an implied paedophilia?) when there are hardly, even now, many positive examples in existence.
    (I'll stand back now while I'm shouted down).

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    1. I had two English teachers that I liked and respected. One, a Miss Betts, was particularly kind to me.
      I think this is why I enjoyed English so much.
      I remember finding " catcher" rather depressing but interesting.funny but I never saw Holden as a teenager.

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    2. I read Catcher In the Rye at school and couldn't remember anything about it. My son brought it home from school and I read a month ago - I found it depressing and as you say, difficult to see Holden as a teenager.

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  3. Yes, this poem seems a perfect fit, if not inspiration, for you. David Sedaris has become a truly distinct voice in American literature, and I expect he'll go down in history as the latest James Thurber.

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  4. I read it in a DS voice in my head. Relaxed me nicely for the journey home. Thanks John.

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    1. We all need a bit of relaxation eh?

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  5. Dear John; you never fail me. Only those that are owned by dogs will "get" this poem. Thank You for my Monday laugh.Your fan in Alabama.

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    1. Funny Sidaris is not a dog owner...he states he couldn't be due to his OCD

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  6. Funny! (And somehow very true)

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  7. Very funny poem - like a grown up version of the Hairy Maclary books I used to read to my son when he was little. Have you read any of them?

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    1. Hairy maclary?
      Sounds like a porn FILm star

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  8. Can't comment, too busy bleaching eyeballs ...

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  9. Blind spot for poetry? I thought your blog was taken from Dylan Thomas: "do not go gently into the night...". (It was his hundredth birthday last week).

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    1. Actually the title comes from the title of a novel
      Going Gently by David nobbs
      Which is a lovely read....a story of a feisty welsh woman and her journey through life ( remembered in retrospect by her as an independent odd woman in a hospital bed)

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  10. Uh, I don't really know what to say about the dog poem. I always tell people who claim to hate poetry and all the classic novels and plays that it's because it wasn't taught to them properly. One must have a teacher who makes it fun and interesting. I can make anyone adore The Scarlet Letter.

    Love,
    Janie

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  11. Has a jaunty rhythm, what?

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  12. I LOVE David Sedaris - he can do no wrong in my view. Also, this poem could have been written just for you.

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    1. How come you never said this before when we talked about DS? Were you asleep?

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    2. I didn't know what DS stood for, that's why. Keep your knickers on.

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    3. The bickering has lifted my spirits x

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    4. Or did you mean the above references? If so, it's because I came late here - still keep yer knick-knicks on!

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    5. Just like the old days, eh?

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    6. You've made my awful day so much better x

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    7. And mine too x

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    8. We'll have the violins out in a minute.

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  13. Haha ... love the dog poem.

    I loved English at school, mainly thanks to my inspirational teacher, Mrs Simpson, and got my CSEs and O levels. Although we studied Lord of the Flies, Merchant of Venice and something else that was so memorable I've forgotten ;-)

    I fell in love with Dylan Thomas after leaving school and hearing Under Milk Wood on the radio. Richard Burtons' voice caught my attention and held me spellbound. I too thought your Blog title came from 'Do not go gently into the night'.

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  14. Shakespere is an acquired taste and it took awhile, but Willy and I are on good terms now. However, it is probably due to seeing his plays rather than reading them.

    After reading that poem, I may become a little less inclined to let a dog lick my face. The line about Goldilocks did me in. I think I will just stick to shaking hands and paws.

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  15. Right on the nail for the breeds! I've always wondered if I had the only dogs who had these weird habits.

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  16. I missed this post don't know how.... great poem but a bit gritty for me in places. But I get it.

    Jo in Auckland, NZ

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