Saturday, 29 November 2014

Mothers & Sons


Well I think the Burton mother and son combo enjoyed the Ritz, it's nice that they like the same sort of day out. Shopping is a passion of theirs.....Unfortunately I cannot abide shopping.

A friend of mine has an extremely close relationship with her gay son, and I once asked her if she minded that her son was in a close relationship with a man
" oh no," she replied without really thinking about my question " I am just happy no other woman will have him!" Her look of shock after she realized what she had said was telling.

I am lucky as I have never been threatened by Chris' relationship with his mother and I am sure Sorrel has never been threatened by my relationship with her son. We are simply not jealous of each other and without that tension, we get on very well together
I wonder if it would be different if I was a woman, and I suspect in some ways it would be,for the dynamic between mother and son can be a very complex thing.

My mother, never met Chris, and I really wish that she would have done, for I suspect that her acid brittleness and jousting nature would have dovetailed neatly with his aloof and measured responses.
They would, I am sure, have gotten on  very well in their own way.

And on reflection it would have been me that would have felt slightly jealous of their relationship...
Funny that

83 comments:

  1. I think that very rarely is any woman good enough for a mother's son. How she would judge a male partner is probably far more complicated.

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    1. An interesting quandary though

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  2. Very interesting point John. I do agree that most mothers think their daughters-in-law are lacking in some way. I suppose, as you say, it is the competition thing.
    As to gay relationships - I have a trans-gender grandchild, and she is in a very loving relationship at present - I just want her to be happy. But of course, that is one step further removed.
    I must say that in your photograph Mother and Son look very happy together.

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    1. I guess that the trams gender thing can complicate everything if you let it

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  3. You have made me think about my sons & etc. Which is amazing since it's very much the end of the day and I have been painting all day, and didn't think I had any thunk left.

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  4. They look great and what a tash!

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  5. They look like the celebrities that they probably are in your part of the world.

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  6. Lovely picture. I like the tie.
    My sis-in-law is so lovely that my mum probably prefers her to my brother!

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    1. I'm glad you said that...I bought it!

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  7. What a lovely photo.

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  8. Does the expression "Gone for a burton" have its origins in Burton beer or Montague Burton - the tailors? In your case it means something entirely different!

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    1. I am sure you have read this but for the sake of my own knowledge
      Gone for a Burton
      Gone for a Burton is a euphemistic phrase meaning to die. It was used in World War II especially in the Royal Air Force when referring to aircrew who had crashed or been killed in action.

      OriginEdit

      Before WWII the Burton Brewery ran a series of advertisements for Burton's Beer. In these adverts the characters would use the phrase to explain the absence of one of the characters in the advert, implying that they had gone for a pint of Burton's. One of the adverts (at least) was football related and featured teammates asking the location of a missing player (probably the goalkeeper/referee??) and being told he had 'gone for a Burton'.[citation needed] During WWII pilots used the phrase to describe the absence of pilots who had failed to return from a mission.

      A variety of origins have been suggested for the phrase. The term Burton is thought to refer either to Burton ale or to Montague Burton, the tailors. A detailed account of the latter was given by Mr Peter Sanders,[1]

      “ My wife, who was in the WAAF during World War II, tells me that the RAF took over some billiard halls above the Montague Burton shops as medical centres and consequently the excuse "he (or she) has gone for a Burton" originally meant no more than absence for a medical inspection, inoculation, etc. ”
      My father, Norman Geare from Bournemouth, told me his certainty of the origin. He and I often discussed the often obscure linkages that others were ascribing to the expression. He volunteered for the RAF in late 1939 or early 1940. This was before the RAF had expanded its training camps to accommodate the tens of thousands of conscripts. In those early war years, the RAF used B&Bs and small hotels in Blackpool as billets for the RAF recruits. They were marched up and down the prom, and then given technical and procedural training in cinemas and theatres. A significant element of that was radio and Morse code. Before leaving their basic training in Blackpool, the recruits were tested on their radio/Morse ability. Those that passed would be designated as radio operators - either airborne or ground based. Those that failed would go on to General Duties - including training as Air Gunners. Even in those early years, the recruits knew the life-expectancy of bomber-crew gunners was very short. The test was held in a large room above Burtons the Tailors in Blackpool. So, to go for the test and fail was almost a fate too terrible to contemplate. "He's gone for a Burton" simply meant its odds-on he'll be a tail-gunner in a Wellington, and dead in a few weeks! My father passed the test and served throughout the war as a ground-based Radio Direction Finder. His experience of the expression was very early on in the war, and he carried it with him thereafter. It is quite understandable that others, especially RAF, picked up the expression and applied it in a similar context

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  9. They look like they are enjoying each others company.

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  10. a nice photo of two important people in your life; hope chris returns to the cottage today for you have missed him much.

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  11. From past posts I think you and Sorrell do quite well together. She is lovely. you and Chris are both lucky to have her.

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  12. I got along well with Jay's mother, he jokes that I was the daughter in law she always dreamed of, she didn't really think either of the other two were quite suitable for her sons.

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    1. Humm perhaps that supports my theory!

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  13. I adore my daughter in law. We live a bit far away but she is always texting me and emailing me. I see that she makes my son happy and that's all I ever wanted. My own MIL and I, however always had a weird relationship. She was all soft and sweet on the outside but there were things that drove me mad. She once rearranged my living room while I was out, she only had beer or red wine in her house (I prefer white wine) and so I would never even get offered anything to drink. When I had my son, I asked that she give me a week to settle with the baby before she came to stay. She arrived the day I left hospital. The first morning home, I was up with the baby and she made my husband breakfast and not me. I was LIVID. It went on like that for years and years with both FIL and MIL. Years later I realized that it was not only her attitude that was ill towards me (she had 5 DIL's and all reported the same, but it was partially my husbands fault. He allowed her to make snipes, move my furniture and cook for him and not me, never had a drink for me etc. He should have spoken up and insisted if was making breakfast that she included me etc.

    My daughter in law and I joke about that saying.."a daughters a daughter for the rest of your life, but a son's a son till he takes a wife".
    I'm lucky because I don't feel that at all.

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    1. Yes I agree Chania
      It was your husbands fault it continued and all of the other siblings that let her actions go.
      At least she was consistent in her behaviour....which means it wasn't too personal

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  14. I wished I'd had a mother-in-law I liked.
    Jane x

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    1. Tell us more about your jane
      I'm all ears

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    2. Where would I begin..perhaps our wedding day, when she grabbed table flowers saying that HER family should get them before anyone else?
      Jane x

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    3. You know how I feel about my MIL Jane; mine and yours really could have been separated at birth.

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    4. How about that Chris only needed glasses because I wore them. (said with such spite she almost choked)...erm, every woman she'd ever known was prettier than me,if I died early enough Chris would marry someone who wanted children....there's worse...much worse!
      Jane x
      Scarlet,I swear they were.

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  15. My SIL has the same relationship with his mother. After 15 years my daughter has quit pretending he realizes he has a MIL. She and I meet for lunch occasionally.

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    1. I got mixed up with all the SIL AND MIL

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  16. My MIL is 6 feet under and we get along great.

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  17. As like as two peas in a pod!

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  18. A very complex subject but I will just say that those are two very beautiful people and it makes me happy to know they love each other.

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  19. That is a lovely photograph of the two of them together, all soft and serene.

    My mother made no attempt to get on with my brothers' wives and in fact made it quite clear she disliked them all.

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  20. That picture makes me smile, those two are like my son and I and I hope our relationship lasts through whatever comes our way. He brings his girlfriends home to meet me early on because, though we think a lot alike, we obviously have different priorities. A new girlfriend who can't tolerate a house full of animals and hold up her end of an intelligent conversation with "mom" isn't going to last past the passionate stage. I'm also a good lie detector.

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  21. My husbands mother hated all her three daughter in laws - luckily it worked both ways.

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  22. What a wonderful photo of Chris and his Mum. I adore her name Sorrel is very beautiful name as the lady is.
    I love and adore my Japanese DIL. In fact her whole family is wonderful to us. My son often says that we all love her more than him. It is a family joke.
    Son even took her Japanese family name which is a very big step in Japan. He had to ask all of her family if that would be fine, as he became the oldest son in her family. He called to ask me if I was going to be fine with that. I said of course. Why not ? He is a terrific son and now has a wonderful family of his own.

    I was so happy to read that Phillis is doing great. I was very worried about her. I am glad she has a friend to keep her company.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. Love the fact he look her family name
      What is it btw?

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    2. His new last name now is Kawabata.
      RThere are a few reasons why he did it.....
      The oldest son has many duties in a Japanese Family. He is also the one that takes care of the Mother and Father as they get older. He only has a Mum right now and has always helped her out. She is the most delightful Lady. I adore her.
      side note
      The family members on her Mums side that live inland (the land also holds the family temple) have a large farm that grows the best rice I have ever eaten.

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  23. My mother in law and I could not stand each other; the competition thing being what started it all. My husband could never confront her or stand up to her, so he is partly to blame. Because of that, I don't get involved or manipulate my daughter in law, so she doesn't feel threatened. My son in law became another son in our family; we love him still though he and my daughter divorced this year. It is very difficult now because we love him. They were childhood sweethearts and together for 18 years so we watched him grow up essentially. And, with my two young grandchildren, I feel like we should still include him to teach my grandbabies that it is all going to be all right. It's hard.

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    1. Do you keep in touch with your son in law?
      I hope so

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  24. Lovely Mother/Son photo!

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  25. Lovely photo. I love my father in law but have always had a tricky relationship witn my mother in law. I think as my son is getting older and I realise I will have to share him with his partner of choice one day, I feel a bit more sympathetic towards my MIL. Perhaps I'm mellowing with age :)
    Twiggy

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    1. I think we all do when we eventually turn into our own parents

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  26. What a lovely photo.

    My husband lucked out, if you want to look at it that way, as both my parents had passed on by the time we met. I think they would have liked him.
    My MIL is a nice woman, but she is not big on any of her DIL. I am not really sure why, but I think it has to do with the fact the she is not completely happy in her own life so I have learned not to take it personal. She constantly likes to suggest what we need to do to the house even though she knows we are on one income. They have never really praised their son for all he has achieved on his own, but he doesn't care which is good.
    I do text my in laws every day pretty much as I always send pix of their grandson. That sort of gives me points ;-)

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    1. Brownie points count big style in my experience

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  27. I loved my Mum in Law to bits, in fact I thought of her as just Mum ..... it's always lovely to have two Mums.

    And she said I was the best one out of Lovely Hubby's three wives, in fact she told him he had to stay with me or face her wrath .... and she could do wrath amazingly well :-)

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    1. Omg you are number three?

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    2. Third time lucky.
      Jane x

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  28. An interesting observation and I have a feeling it's spot on. I know a lot of women who have problems with their MILs but mine is exceptional - she is a lovely woman and she always gave all three of her sons' wives lots of respectful room to take care of their husbands and kids, no interference, quiet love and support, easy to get along with ... we are lucky and I know it. Chris and his mother do look alike! It's nice they enjoy things together.

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    1. Your MIL IS a wise old bird

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  29. Chris and his mother look so happy together. Which is lovely. My/our relationship with our mother was always a bit fraught so I am a tad jealous. And my mother tried very hard to be destructive to her DILs. Sniped at, and about them.
    She liked my partner though. Better than she did me.

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    1. That's sad......but I understand it only too well

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  30. That's nice, the lack of jealousy. I don't think my mother has ever been that keen on Jenny, even though we've been happily together for 33 years. She would never actually say so though. I suspect Jenny's not feminine or domesticated enough for her taste.

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    1. Have you ever asked her?

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  31. I can see where you are coming from, I think I will be jealous of my sons partner and their relationship, silly really maybe I will change as he gets older...maybe I'll be pleased to see the back of him! I was wondering (being nosey) have you decided how your surnames will be after the marriage?

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    1. The first completely honest mom comment

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  32. My goodness, Chris and his mother could easily pass as brother and sister! One can see that they have a good relationship.

    I was more than a little jealous at first of Ron and his mother's relationship but over time I believe we both (his mom and I) realized there was nothing to be threatened about. I became her third son.

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    1. Brother and sister eh?
      That went down like a pork chop at a synagogue

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    2. An older sister....of course!!
      Why are we gays so sensitive!! lol

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  33. Lovely photograph. I haven't got a MIL, and it's almost certain I never will.

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  34. My MIL hated me before she even met me; that alone speak volumes about her. I saw my brother-in-law's ex at a family do a few years ago and she told me she was thrilled when I came along as the MIL hated me even more than she hated her!
    I think it must be wonderful to have a MIL that you get on with, but I was never given a chance. She didn't like my children much either - their crime when they were born was to be female.

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    1. Scarlet
      How did she behave ? Was she openly hostile?

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    2. She tried everything- open hostility and cruel remarks, usually when nobody else was in the room or could hear her, ignoring me ; you name it I experienced it. I'm still here though, 33+ years later. I'm still the love of my husband's life, our children love us, but are apathetic where she is concerned. My husband doesn't visit her as often as he used to; I guess that you really do reap what you sow.
      Conversely,my parents welcomed my husband with open arms, and my husband was devastated when my Dad died, shedding tears for him, which is something he didn't feel or do when his own Dad died.
      We have been the same with our SIL, and will be spending next Saturday with him and our daughter, and also his Mum and step-dad . They love our daughter very much, and we have a really good relationship with them too; they're great company and we get together with and without ' the children'.

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    3. I think there comes a time when you have to be the bigger person and let it go
      It will always hurt
      But laughing at it helps
      Been there with my own mother
      Worn the t shirt...

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  35. I can see the similarity if I ignore the specs and transfer the facial hair up to the top of the head

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  36. Some of these MIL stories are awfully sad. I could add mine too (speaking as a MIL) but this comment box isn't big enough! Good weekend to you, Sir. x

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  37. They make a handsome pair!

    Unfortunately I cannot abide shopping.

    I'm with you 100%. If it weren't for birthdays and Christmases, I'd be a nudist.

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  38. I hit the jackpot when it comes to in-laws. My mother in law was a wonderful woman - we laughed, cried and drank wine together till she passed away 5 years ago. My father in law, one of a kind with a wicked sense of humour.

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  39. You tweaked a memory for me, I remember being quite jealous of the relationship my mother had with my 4 brothers. Flirtatious in a way she never was with me, bemused, almost bewitched by her boys.
    Lovely pic and I hear you on the darker house. Mine too.
    XO
    WWW

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  40. For some reason, when I saw the picture of Chris and is mother, I thought 'How debonair.'

    Have a wonderful Sunday, John. ♥

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  41. The nicest thing that was ever said to me was said by my partner's mum. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was sure she was a girl (you didn't find out in those days). My nearly MIL had three boys and had always secretly wanted a daughter. I said I thought I was having a girl for her and she said that was great but she didn't "need" one any more as she had me now and that was good enough for her. I cried, she cried, great times :)

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    1. Nice we almost ended the comments on a happy note

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  42. I am MiL to three. I think I get on really well with all of them, but it would be interesting to hear their thoughts...or maybe not!

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    1. Perhaps you can ask them?

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  43. It's very sad that so many MIL's have not worked out that you get more love by sharing it...I was lucky, mine was lovely; just as well as she lived two doors up. When she died a few years ago, my husband suggested that my Mom, then almost 80, should move into her house, which she did. It's worked really well for us all. Dave is like the son she always wanted - but that doesn't mean she hasn't time for me. how lucky we are!

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  44. I hope that you will print that photo and have it on your wall/piano or wherever . Sorrel is a very beautiful lady. ( Chris isn't bad either! ) Have a good Sunday.

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  45. Gorgeous photo. I have a wonderful mother - don't need someone else's mum x

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  46. It's a nice photo of mother and son. Hoping Chris doesn't read your comments, she looks ever so middle class.

    "or I suspect that her acid brittleness and jousting nature would have dovetailed neatly with his aloof and measured responses." I think I may sleep on this one, as the thought does amuse me. No, got it. It is how the different classes meet and get along.

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  47. I broke up with my wife last 5 months due to many misunderstandings i was fighting so hard to get her back. none of her friends would give me any information about her. The only thing I could do was to go find help from anywhere, so i looked for a way to get her back then a friend recommended me to contact Therapist Oniha of the winexbackspell@gmail.com that he will help me and as my friend said, Therapist Oniha helped me to bring back my wife in just in 3 days, I now have her back and this is the biggest joy of my life oohhhh am so happy now with her forever.

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  48. With terrible morning sickness we went to my mil for lunch....faggotts. I told her I wouldn't be able to eat them and she replied that she thought that so hadn't done me any and my husband thought she was being kind

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  49. Great photo!

    My MIL let me know I was not the woman she wanted her son to marry. I continually proved it over the years, but towards the end of her life, at a gathering at our house, she looked over and said "Himself is very happy." Which he was and is. And it was then the penny dropped for her, I believe. That even though I wasn't the one she wanted as a DIL, her son was happy to be with me all the same.

    She looked me straight in the eye and said, "He's really very happy." I knew that was as close to an apology as i'd ever get, so smiled and replied, "Thank you."

    My FIL and his dad both loved me and I them.

    I would have welcomed a warm, caring relationship with my MIL, but she had other ideas, so we were cordial and polite and left it at that.

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