Thursday, 13 November 2014

Cosmo

In 1980 I briefly dated a local girl called Sandra B.
We met at the " Stables" disco in nearby St Asaph, and sucked each other's faces off after drinking Pernod and lemonade beneath the ultra violet lights which always had a nasty habit of showing up any dandruff problem.
This morning I bumped into her in a supermarket ten miles from Trelawnyd.
I had just dropped Chris off for a boffin meeting, she, like me was doing the weekly shop.
We haven't spoken for 34 years.
Chic and well groomed, she looked ten years younger than her 52 years, and I recognised her immediately as she looked at me at the checkout with a slightly quizzical look.
Now I know that I am not looking at my best today, but despite the red snotty nose, the grubby woollen hoodie, the bloodshot eyes and the grey beard ( dotted with breakfast Muesli) she did indeed recognise me.
I know, I know...I look like shit

Now, I don't know about you, but catching up in a supermarket check out , looking and feeling like shit is not the easiest of jobs ....especially as the last time we met up, I had a 32 inch waist, wore a bow tie and was a straight bank clerk!
It was one of those silly conversations
" I've been married -divorced, have three grown up kids and am now dating again" Sandra chirped in way of a life CV
" I've been a nurse in Yorkshire most of my life, am getting married next year and am gay" I recipocated with a snotty smile
" How Cosmopolitan" Sandra said without pausing
I could see the check out girl looking me up and down
I couldn't have looked any less cosmopolitan if I had tried.



83 comments:

  1. only you John...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Didnt Dan Fogelberg write a song about two middle aged people meeting at a supermarket?
      Same old Lang syne

      Delete
  2. Why must we always run into people we haven't seen in forever when we're looking and feeling our worst?! It's like some kind of shitty natural law of the universe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to be honest.. I actually recognised her when we both entered the supermarket together.. But said nothing
      Fate was having a laugh sending me to the till she was already standing at

      Delete
    2. Well you've only yourself to blame. I'd have hidden behind the Quality Street display until she'd gone....

      Delete
    3. Wanda..she would have heard me coughing behind it

      Delete
  3. Life sometimes has a sense of humor.

    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
  4. Quite staggering that you recognised each other at all. I wonder if that "How cosmopolitan!" was a put-down jibe. Sounds like you'll be happy if there's at least another 34 years before your next 'reunion'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I am very good at faces
      Not names but will always remember a face

      Delete
  5. Oh my, that's hilarious! Wish I could have been there and watched.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You didn't miss much mike

      Delete
  6. She said phew as she mopped her brow and drove off at speed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think she was frothing at the mouth in anticipation of our next meeting

      Delete
  7. Brilliant ..... you both had a lucky escape by the sounds of it ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's the last time I go to tesco's in Abergele

      Delete
    2. Why .... are there lots more ex's you might bump into ... Lol.

      Hope you're feeling a bit better today. xx

      Delete
  8. Oh God that made me lauggh so much. You brighten my day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. How cosmopolitan?! Prat.
    Jane x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jane it was said cheerfully and somewhat ironically me thinks

      Delete
  10. When I went to my 20 year high school reunion, I wouldn't have known anyone if they hadn't had their old picture on their name tag. I think she was probably glad to see you again and meant cosmopolitan as a compliment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Donna,, she was laughing her head off and was friendly
      So yes she was just having fun

      Delete
  11. Reading your post while at work and my co-worker and I had a giggle about this -- We both agreed we wouldn't have known what to say if we'd been her, and would have just stood there, probably silent -- How cosmopolitan would that have been?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If she had told me that she was a lesbian I would have said
      " fuck me"

      Delete
    2. And I'd been her, and you said that, I still wouldn't have known what to say! :-)!!!

      --Thanks for the 2nd giggle today, John!!

      Delete
  12. I wnder if she has a blog and what she would write today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. " met an old beau today...he looked dog rough"

      Delete
  13. At least she didn't exclaim, " So kissing me was so bad you realised you were gay ! "

    ReplyDelete
  14. If she recognized you - she had to have been keeping tabs on you these 34 years...

    ReplyDelete
  15. this is why i dont leave the house without blusher and eyeliner on. maybe she reads your blog

    ReplyDelete
  16. "In 1980 I briefly dated a local girl called Sandra" - I am SHOCKED by this news. lucky for you that you met chris.

    and I am sorry to see you are so under the weather; go snuggle with the doggies and all will be well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm off for another hot bath with Vic shortly x

      Delete
  17. What an embarrassing encounter. I notice neither of you suggested a catch-up in the nearest coffee shop. Clearly you both wanted to escape as fast as possible.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It wasn't embarrassing Nick...just a bit weird
      And I am glad a coffee wasn't on the agenda
      Mind you I am in such a bad " head cold" mood today..I wouldn't have been any company

      Delete
  18. No one should be judged in supermarket check out. I bet she dolls up all the time, just in case. You kept it real.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She sniffed ,Ike a man, as I recall

      Delete
    2. That should have read " snogged"

      Delete
  19. Nice that a chance encounter with a formerly serious acquaintance came off so briefly and well. Another tissue?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another box please joanne

      Delete
  20. When I read 'Sandra B', a brief time of 'I don't remember that', went through my thick head! I'm a Sandra B too.
    Good job I know what you mean about 'Vic', thought perhaps you'd met another 'beau', in reply to Anne-Marie in philly!
    I do hope you get over your snotty cold soon, I hate the bl**dy things!
    O.K you look like sh*t but, we all still love you xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That very nice.... But I still feel like shit

      Delete
  21. Oh dear, Pernod, that brings back memories.... or not!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Heh ... that's life: go out ill or scruffy and you're bound to meet someone you haven't seen in ages ...

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wow, how your life has changed. Good for you.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I haven't touched Pernod since a friend's birthday party in 1989. It didn't end well........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes......aniseed tasting vomit splashes

      Delete
  25. Sorry, you lost your credibility after the first sentence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lost my street cred from the " old pods club" too

      Delete
  26. It never fails when I nip out for a bit of something dressed like a fish monger with a snotty nose I always run into someone like that. Makes a body just want to say fuck it all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I am hallucinating too.....
      I was convinced that it was Friday today too

      Delete
  27. "How cosmopolitan"! I'm still laughing into my coffee. She sounds like a good egg.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She kissed me...why wouldn't she be?

      Delete
  28. You think you have problems, back in the 90s I was having a procedure in hospital (Gynae, no need to tell you which half was on show) asked if I minded a student observing which I didn't until in walked my sons best friend at school. Mortified isn't the word for it on both our parts. Fast forward to now again a Gynae situation, again said yes to a student observing, great thinks I, don't know her at all. And what happens she turns up the very next day at my workplace as the new GP student.
    Winnie and her fanny I can sooo relate too.
    Bless you for a wonderful blog that has my stomach aching at your antics both canine and human

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Annie
      Thank you for your own funny fanny story
      ( and try saying THAT after a couple of wines)
      X

      Delete
  29. I thought a cosmopolitan was a kind of ice cream!
    I just read Sandra B's most recent blogpost - "Met an old flame in the supermarket. His trolley was filled with scotch eggs and dog food. God that fellow could snog! Like a vacuum cleaner! He's still really cuddly - like a great big teddy bear and his ass is still tight - like a pair of Mike Tyson's boxing gloves!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The best comment YP AS USUAL

      Delete
    2. WHOA BABY! you really impressed her, john, snotty nose and all!

      Delete
  30. Well at least that conversation is out of the way now. Tick. Funny how we do a life CV with people from our past.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes..I must admit, even though I did sideswiped her originally, it was kind of sweet meeting up again

      Delete
  31. Reminds me of my ex-brother-in-law who always advocated that 'Cosomopolitan' magazine was to blame for his divorce!! Bet you're the talking point over your old-flame's dinner table tonight! Get better quickly. x

    ReplyDelete
  32. 'Cosmopolitan', even!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me wanting to be the centre of someone's conversation?.......never..?

      Delete
  33. A boffin meeting? My mind is in the gutter today.
    Hope you get well, soon, John. ♥

    ReplyDelete
  34. Ha! Good laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  35. History is history....but I always enjoy seeing how those I thought were so handsome ( they thought so too!) have fallen :) and I thought it was just me! Get over that cold!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Do you think she secretly thought she'd had a lucky escape! It could only happen to you.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Gah, I hate when that happens, and it ALWAYS happens to me! San Diego, California... in the Old Town section... and what do I hear? Hey Jacqueline! Over here! No, over here! Don't you remember me? I went to the same dance teacher when you were in kindergarten and I was ready to graduate. You look just the same, I'd know you anywhere!
    Same in Oklahoma...Miami, Florida... Wheeling, West Virginia... Atlanta, Georgia... even at the Grand -bloody- Canyon! Not once have I recognised these people. It's a conspiracy I tell ya!

    ReplyDelete
  38. I sometimes wonder about people in the past, I have made a couple of major geographic moves and I am unlikely to run into my past in the market. I still wonder what happened to Shirley,

    ReplyDelete
  39. Boy! This Vic is becoming quite a' regular' with you John!

    ReplyDelete
  40. "How cosmopolitan"....I LOVE it!

    ReplyDelete
  41. I had no intention of even grimace at 5am when I first read this, but I did smile widely, especially at cosmopolitan.

    ReplyDelete
  42. She was probably happy to see you and didn't even notice the red nose and whatever else. She probably saw the handsome bank clerk she enjoyed snogging. And when you said you're gay, she was probably grateful she didn't marry you.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  43. Cosmopolitanism is more than skin deep, obviously. At least you didn't cough in her face or sneeze in her trolley. *eyebrow waggle*

    ReplyDelete
  44. Could have been embarrassing; sounded like fun.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Does Chris know about this Vic you keep bathing with? Hope you feel better soon.

    ReplyDelete
  46. She was probably referring to your time in Sheffield! I have a dread of bumping into ex's. I don't want to be considered the "Lucky Escape"!!!! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  47. I like the giant white fur belly look you seem to have acquired there. No wonder she was so impressed. xx

    ReplyDelete
  48. Oh John! thank you for brightening this bloody miserable rainy day. xx Hope you feel better soon.

    ps Is Meg in training as a Santa beard?

    ReplyDelete
  49. This is one post where reading all the comments was worth it :-)

    ReplyDelete
  50. I would never want to run into an old boyfriend after these many years. I think fading memory is kinder than reality.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Whenever I run into someone from my past, it never fails that I look like a sea donkey at that moment.

    ReplyDelete
  52. It's just like that Dan Fogelberg song about running into his old girlfriend at the grocery store -- "Another Auld Lang Syne," or something like that. You were channeling Dan, whether you knew it or not.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Hehe, there are some people I dread to meet.

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x