Wednesday, 29 October 2014

" Jesus is a transvestite"

Zombie head no more ( look closely you can see Albert hunting mice in the background)

Despite waxing lyrically on village life in yesterday's post, not everything in the garden is indeed rosy. Last night some delightful character took my zombie pumpkin lantern from its position on our garden wall and smashed it down the lane
A nice little act of silliness, I thought.

I collected the skull bits  when  I took Winnie out for a wee this morning. She's much brighter today by the way.......her mood was connected to the fact that she is coming into season
Last night she spent a good hour rubbing her fanny on the fireside hearth tiles, and was much better for doing so, I can tell you..... But that, as they say, is another story!
Anyhow the hens enjoyed the bright orange pulp of the destroyed pumpkin  for breakfast
At least I could recycle some of the damage.

Talking of hens, does anyone remember Jesus, the single  chick that hatched on Easter Sunday.? Well as it happened Jesus has turned out to be a bit of quandary
For he/she is a hermaphrodite!
As it happens 1 in 10,000 hens turn out to be such a mixture . Big cockerel feet, shapely hen's body and not a f'cking egg in sight, Jesus is now just a non contributing extra mouth to feed!

,

Jesus

Not that I mind too much, for this strange little bird is now one of my favourite characters on the field. Ostracised by the other hens, who know she/ he is different Jesus has set up home in Mary the disabled rabbit's old hutch.....alone but safe from sharp bully boy beaks.

I was telling one of my elderly egg customers about Jesus the other week. 
" bloody useless " I said in way of explanation as the hen walked past  "half male half female ..bloody useless" 
My customer looked surprised and said in her sing song voice

" dewwww fancy that! Jesus is a transvestite then!"
Best oneliner of the day.

64 comments:

  1. This rare bird has provided another brilliant title.

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    1. for a moment I thought it was a "Tom" title :)

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  2. Did I miss something ~ is Mary no longer with you John?

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    1. Carol
      Mary died in April
      See
      http://disasterfilm.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/the-object-of-williams-affection.html

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  3. There is nothing crueller than hens if they find one to pick on, is there?

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    1. Especially if there is a sick (I mean ill) transvestite to pick on.

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  4. Good line. How nice that Jesus has a place of refuge with you.

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  5. Jesus may not provide eggs, but the one-liners are great!

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  6. I had no idea that Mary the rabbit had died. Is Jesus's mother still around?

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    1. Yes she's around..... It's just mary who died
      She died suddenly in april

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    2. I thought Jesus's mum was Mary?

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    3. Who's on first??

      Haha

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  7. Will you desex Winnie John or are you going to bred her again?

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    1. I have debated whether it is wise to spay Winnie but given her ? Age and her airway problems I think she's fine as she is.....
      No point rocking the boat...... And no , she won't be having puppies

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    2. We've just had one of our bitches spayed as we found a lump near one of her teats so got both jobs done at the same time. But we were reluctant to do so as she's had a really bad reaction to a general anaesthetic last year. The other bitch may not be done as it's hell just getting her into the surgery for her annual jab!!

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    3. Unspayed dogs can have increased chance of mammary Cancer can they not?
      It's balanceing the good and the bad

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    4. Yes, that's right, but apparently spaying bitches early increases the chance of bone cancer, according to some studies.

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    5. I once adopted an older dog whose owner had died, and he had never been neutered. When he was 12 or so, he developed a small tumor on his butt that the vet said was triggered by hormones, and so we decided to have him fixed so it would be less likely to grow back. In hindsight, the anesthetic seemed to have a terrible effect on him and he got old seemingly overnight. He also went deaf, which I read somewhere can be a side effect of anesthesia in older dogs. Long story short, after a certain age I would hesitate for my dogs to have any surgery that wasn't absolutely necessary.

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  8. Smashing pumpkins, a horny bull dogs and a trans chickens, you lead a colorful life.

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    Replies
    1. Oh you don't know the half of it

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  9. Brilliant, eye-catching title John lol! In any other country, you might be 'done' for blasphemy........
    Not for the pot then? half-joking!

    Is Winnie going to be spayed? Don't envy her seasons bless her xxx

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    1. See above for the Soay answer x

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  10. It is hard to be different, even in the world of chickens.

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  11. Poor Jesus. It sounds like he/she is making the best of it, though.

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  12. Dare to be different Jesus!

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  13. John you make my day :) So glad Jesus has you as his/her keeper.

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  14. Instead of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, you have Jesus, the RuPaul of the Village. Good God man, you need a webcast or a book deal LOL

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  15. One in 10,000 and he found you...one in a million.

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  16. Ah bless Jesus (never thought I'd say that as a raving Athiest). Maybe I'll try Winnies method of fanny rubbing on the hearth when I feel out of sorts. With my crappy joints I may get down there but need help getting back up. That will take some explaining.

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    1. Don't video it for the Internet......
      Just a bit of free advice x

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  17. "Male and female created He Jesus." Doesn't it say that in the Queen James Version?

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  18. Sorry to hear of the wilful damage, some kids just live/love to smash what others have and they don't.

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  19. Well that doesn't surprise me about Jesus. Always suspected that mucking around with virgin births would throw up anomalies.

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  20. Do dogs have a menopause?

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  21. Too bad some of Winnie's excess female hormones couldn't, er, rub off on Jesus. Never knew that about chickens. I learned something today; guess I can go back to bed then.

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    Replies
    1. My work here is done... I am off to bed too..on night shift

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  22. It disturbs me that you're making religion somewhat attractive.

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    Replies
    1. Am I? Well that's afirst

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    2. Well, probably not more attractive to most, but....if my local priest started wearing gowns and heels around town I'd be more likely to go to a service or two. Pretty boring here, I'll take any diversion.

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  23. I have a guinea like that. He/she has taken up with a barred rock hen.

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  24. I'm so glad that s/he found you.

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  25. Very busy with visiting friend from Laguna, I try to read blogs with no time to comment. But I just so enjoyed today post !
    Must dash...

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. Did you know I have two Laguna ducks ?

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  26. John, I love your blog and read it every day but seldom comment. Given Jesus' new designation, I thought you might be interested in some research I've been doing recently before launching into my writer's group annual short story competition contribution which must have the title of "Gospel according to..." I was thinking about Dead Sea Scrolls and finding a forgotten epistle so googled info on the two Scottish Victorian sisters who found a second century copy of St Marks Gospel hidden under a 7th century book on female saints. I'd not heard of most of the saints so went searching further and found myself in a plethora of academia concerning transvestite saints who all took themselves off to worship in monasteries and were only discovered as women after their death or when they became pregnant. Apparently medieval art, who had used Roman images of Jove for God the father, used Apollo for Jesus and incorporated many female attributes into his persona to show how he took into himself femininity. Sorry for the long comment but I thought you would like to know that your Jesus is completely "in sync" with the medieval catholic church.

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    1. Well I never....we'll jesus has never really been depicted as burch has he

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  27. So even in the world of hens there's discrimination against gender ambiguity. You'd think hens would be indifferent to such things. How strange.

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  28. Just think about it from the point of view of Jesus (the hen/cockerel I mean, obviously) Consider if he/she phoned you when you were on a Samaritans shift.

    'Well, I've got these great Cockerel feet and a shapely Hen's body, I don't know who I am. He's called me Jesus then harps on about how I never lay any eggs.'

    With your Samaritans hat on... what would you say?

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  29. I don't remember Mary dying. Now I'm sad. I'm glad you love Jesus and are a member of His flock. I, too, rubbed my fanny on the hearth this morning. It did me a world of good.

    Love,
    Janie

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  30. Please stop talking about rubbing fannies John. I can't stand the frustration.

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    1. Next morning. I don't have any recollection of making this comment.

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  31. Was it not extremely windy last night? I wonder if Wild Wind was the character that blew your pumpkin off the wall and rolled it up the road 'til it broke. If not that then I suspect the good Reverend in a rage against pagan ceremonies. The poor youths take the blame for everything.

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  32. So are you going to crucify Jesus for Xmas dinner?

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  33. Time to carve another pumpkin!

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  34. Well if you have to be something might as well be a transvestite!
    Cockadoodledo

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  35. What a day. Sad that people have no sense of other peoples' things not being there for their amusement.
    Here in the states, Albert would be a shut in for Halloween and the days before and after.
    Take care, John. ♥

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  36. Some git kicked my pumpkin lantern down the lane one year
    ( probably after fleecing me for sweets ) so I don't do one now but I do put out candles in jars to light the way down the path for the hoards of little trick or treaters !

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  37. Here's an interesting Jesus bit - back when I worked for Interstate Hotels Corporation I was sent to the O'Hare Hyatt to set and run their payroll during a take over. Upon running the first payroll I was surprised to see I was paying Jesus 13 times.

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  38. I think Jesus would be better described as "gender fluid."

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  39. I wish those vandals had been attacked by those crazy ass geese you used to have!!!

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