Sunday, 19 October 2014

Always Take The Positives


I've just been watching Chris hanging our " unmentionables" on the clothes horse in front of the bedroom window
I couldn't imagine sharing a home with a woman
Women's habits are a complete mystery to me

I have just been mentally listing the positives of sharing your life with a man
So
Here goes

Sharing underwear : ( only applicable if you roughly the same size)
Not getting upset when the toilet seat is constantly " up"
Not having your best razor nicked for the occasional emergency leg shave
Not having to sit through Eastenders or Coronation Street twice weekly,
Not having Sandra from down the road sobbing at the kitchen table after her boyfriend dumped her for that cheap slag who works in Tesco's
Not getting too upset when farts are unleashed under the duvet
The slightly embarrassed look on someone's face when they automatically assume that " Chris" is a girl's name.
No hormonal incidents
Not having to buy embarrassing feminine articles during the weekly shop,
Having a perfect understanding that reading on the toilet is an acceptable practice
and not getting freaked out at the sight of the odd skid mark!

Hey ho


128 comments:

  1. Pfft, any woman who carried on like that wouldn't last long in our house either. :)

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    Replies
    1. You are my kind of woman

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  2. there are three women in this house and sometimes it feels like "feminine hygiene" fills half the trolley!

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    Replies
    1. Too much information .......

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    2. says Mr Skidmark :)

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  3. So that's why my razor goes blunt so quickly....
    At least me and the other half can happily have farting competitions after an onion-heavy meal, and embarrassing feminine articles are a thing of the past now.
    Oddly enough, I'm the one who gets agitated if the toilet seat is left up. Perhaps I'm the more girly one...

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    Replies
    1. I am obviously on a steep learning curve!

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  4. You'd be perfectly happy living here John. I farted three times in P's bed this morning and skid marks are taken as read.

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    1. I will be asking for photos

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    2. Too shocking John. The weak might have apoplexy....

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    3. But the strong will prevail

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    4. I would need to identify the strong first.

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    5. Me and weaver could take it

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  5. legs, men don't mind, but borrowing a razor for a full summer de-minging really gets on their nerves!

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    Replies
    1. Deminging?
      How very unsavoury

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  6. Would Chris have the same list though?

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    Replies
    1. His list , listing defects of sharing with me would be much MUCH longer

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  7. I admit that the toilet seat 'up' is a grave issue between me and 'The Man' ... Last summer I broke the toilet seat -- slamming it down...

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    Replies
    1. Say after me
      " out with anger...Lin with love"

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  8. Women fart in our house! But we are posh!

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    Replies
    1. Posh people " let off"

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    2. Men fart. Women fluff.

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    3. My hubby call them Trumps!

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  9. You would be fine here then
    Always thought I was a bit odd! None of those things bother me.

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  10. I must be odd too, I can out fart & out snore my hubby, I also never complain about the toilet seat being up & he never complains about it being down.

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  11. "Not getting too upset when farts are unleashed under the duvet" - by chris or winnie?

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  12. I don't think I could live with that woman you have in mind either.....

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  13. You're right John, this is why Carl has his own bathroom and I don't go in there -- Except when I need a razor of course! And we wonder why *we* live longer? :-)!!!!

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  14. I was with you right up until you added the comment about skid-marks after you said what a boon it was to be able to share underwear.

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    Replies
    1. I bet you say that to all the 63 year-old men.

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    2. If John hadn't said it I was going to..

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  15. Where to begin. I shall start at the beginning. Sharing underwear? That is a queer thing to start with. Skid marks? Not in my washing machine, thank you. Straight in the bin if I came across such a thing. There may be a time in our old age when I have to deal with messy stuff, but I am not there yet. One still makes apologies for the very occasional bottom burp.

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    Replies
    1. I don't believe you andrew
      All men have an odd " marking" incident

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    2. Read Martin Amis, the Rachel Papers, for the female skid mark reference. (Name is purely coincidental).

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    3. Why is it suddenly so revolting?

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  16. Sounds like a match made in heaven John.

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  17. It is nice to live in the land of clothes dryers. No racks of drying laundry around here.

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  18. I have a wife and three daughters. Every time I open the airing cupboard door a cubic metre of sanitary towels and the like tumble down on my head.

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  19. I had thought that I was a menopausal woman living alone, but now I've read this I realise that I too may be a man! LOL

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    Replies
    1. Have you a hairy chin?

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    2. There are other more obvious and less ambiguous tell-tale signs John...

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    3. And pray what are those

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    4. Meat and two veg are a more reliable indicator of maleness than a hair dropping from the chin into the soup.

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    5. You miss nothing!

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    6. I know my onions from my plums

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  20. I was told she worked at Asda not Tesco and she's just left her Husband because he was having an affair with Mindy from the Petrol station ;)

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    Replies
    1. She's rea real shag isn't she?

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  21. A LONG time ago I used to wear first husband's tightly whities if I ran out. They were SO comfortable. Now they make men's underwear for women. I think they sew the flap shut. I don't buy them...

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    1. What if you got run over and the ER STAFF had to cut your pants off?

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    2. That would such a worry wouldn't it? Would completely displace the worry of "why are the ER staff having to cut my pants off?"

      Perhaps not.

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    3. They cut EVERYONES pants off..it's a perk of the job

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    4. Ah, so as I am screaming "but I've only got a nosebleed that won't stop!" the scissors will be attacking my pants? I've always managed to avoid ER so far so thanks for the briefing.

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    5. I have the special scissors too...cut through anything...knicker elastic, bra straps etc

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    6. Maybe that's how the female men's underwear trend started...some nurse with scissors invented them. ;-)

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  22. Now that's LOVE! But I draw the line at undies sharing...

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  23. You are a star, John. You make me laugh every week.

    Why is it only women who work in chemists? At least you can get most things in supermarket these days.

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    Replies
    1. Only every week Dave
      I aim to get you chuckling at least four days out of five

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    2. If it's only women who work in chemists then I have been seriously misinformed about what women look like.

      Why is it generalisations are generally not valid? :)

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  24. What happened to retaining a bit of mystery about oneself ?!!!!!
    I don't fart or go to the toilet …. I have injections, like The Queen !!! XXXX

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    Replies
    1. Injections? Please elaborate!

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    2. I don't really John …… I think the joke about the Queen not farting or going to the toilet and that she has injections, has been going for years !! …. my Dad used to say it all the time. XXXX

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  25. My son found it hilarious when his accountant said of his partners name '"isn't that the male way of spelling Leslie?" Umm yes, cue very red faced accountant...and yes they are always sharing clothes.

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  26. I'll have you know that Howard nicks my razors, as men's razors are too rough for his delicate skin. (My skin on the other hand, can take scrubbing with neat bleach if needs be) I borrow his boot socks for gardening in the Winter, though as I have a fondness for quirky animal motif socks, he doesn't do the same. He has on occasion, in the depths of Winter, when the house is freezing, nicked one of my onesies to wear in bed.

    He has said, that from student days experience of some knuckle dragger type flatmates, and then being the sole single male in a house until all the couples spilt up, he would only share with women.

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  27. When did you last meet a woman?

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  28. Hm. Interesting list. Particularly liked the reading in the toilet one. I have a small library in the bathroom- always have done.

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    1. The toilets at the Sarah Raven gardening school have built in bookcases, full of particularly lovely books. Have been known to note down the names for future reference.

      Thing is, the food there is so healthy, I doubt anyone would be in there long enough to do more than read the back cover.

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  29. My own not-so-dainty unmentionables are currently airing in front of the bedroom radiator and I have a small selection of reading matter in the bathroom.

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  30. My uncle's wife used to yell at him for leaving the seat up, he once said "Hell, sometimes I don't even put it up first."

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  31. I think those pluses could apply to many relationships. I call it being comfortable.

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  32. "Not having Sandra from down the road sobbing at the kitchen table after her boyfriend dumped her for that cheap slag who works in Tesco's"

    But on the other hand, you may have Trevor from up the road sobbing at the kitchen table after his boyfriend dumped him for that legendary lothario in Lidl...

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  33. I wore X's underwear when I was pregnant. I hated it.

    Love,
    Janie

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  34. No skid marks in this house.
    I've wore my husband's underwear several times, and him mine....oops that's another story.
    ~Jo

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    Replies
    1. Do tell jo....no ones reading

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  35. Hi John - I've emailed you but it keeps bouncing back. I am diane008@btinternet.com xxxxx

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    1. Speak up like the rest of us Diane, fear not.

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  36. Who are these females of whom you speak? Not me. I'm surprised our house hasn't taken off with the amount of fartrogen emitted during the average week.

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    Replies
    1. Now.....em...you're a country gal that's why

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    2. No wonder we have global warming.

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  37. We share everything except pants (different lengths) and shoes (different sizes). Everything else is fair game, undies, tshirts, socks, dress shirts, ties, etc. Makes life so much easier when doing laundry or buying new stuff. And as Gail said, I think it's just being comfortable. I think when we are "courting", don't we still try to avoid farting and skid marks? And don't we always wear the new cool undies for that 'first impression'. ;-)

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    Replies
    1. At last!
      Someone who agrees!

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  38. Some men lift the toilet seat before they pee?

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    Replies
    1. Oh dear, I am sure you are well used to sprinkle stains

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    2. Reminds me of a coworker who put up a sign in the unisex bathroom....

      "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat".

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    3. I sit down to pee. Does this mean I have gender uncertainty issues?

      (I don't mean that I sit in the urinal at the gents, just to be clear - that would be silly and inappropriate, but then spraying all over the seat and the floor like most men do is also inappropriate. Sit down lads, for goodness sake).

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    4. the seat, the under side of the lid, exposed tank, the walls, and let us not forget that 2x2 square of floor in the front of the throne...

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    5. Ah, your husband is a waterer

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    6. Andrew, I sit down too......only because I like to read

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  39. We women surely are bitches, aren't we? I say, kill the lot of us and end life on planet earth.

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    1. A tad drastic old chum

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    2. Here is me being a tad pedantic again, perhaps, but S.J's remedy would hardly end life on planet earth now would it? Just one less silly messy species after the males die out, leaving the millions of other species to perhaps evolve into something better. So not drastic at all John, just minor tinkering.

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    3. Oh dear
      I am sure you are a Star Trek fan too andrew x

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    4. Was talking about the millions of other species on Earth John. Science Fiction not required.

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    5. And I'm not much of a Trekkie actually, although I do rather suspect there are also hordes of living things out there too, but probably not with pointy ears and funny ways with finger signs. But whatever they are, if they are, I suspect the men will still mess the toilet more than the ladies... just a law of the universe that.

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  40. Don and I used to watch "Men Behaving Badly" :D

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    1. I never did but I enjoyed the cushions

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  41. Interesting that you count skid marks in your list of blessings.

    lizzy

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  42. Will I reach 100 comments
    Amazing for this shitty blog entry!

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  43. Let me help with that, John! There! 100!

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    Replies
    1. Always supportive jimbo...I can alwYs count on you!

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  44. I live with 3 men (4 if you count the dog).

    They have fits if they get the wrong underwear by mistake. Each has a different brand of socks, I kid you not. Oldest son, Tommy Hilfiger and Army issue, second son Calvin Klein everything, Husband whatever I buy or he "accidentally" acquires from his sons.

    Hormones???? Have you ever dealt with two teenaged males at the same time? Menopause and puberty is not a good combo.

    I solved the toilet issues quite simply. The en suite bathroom is MINE.

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    Replies
    1. " Have you ever dealt with two teenaged males at the same time? "
      There's a joke in there somewhere

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  45. OK John, that did it , I'm out as in lurking that is he he. Hi I'm Jenny from the land down under, I love your blog, you make me laugh most days and that's a pretty wonderful thing that you do. All my love to you and yours....😄

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  46. Hubby says farts are funny. Skid marks happen. And thank the Good Lord for menopause.
    Have a blessed week, John!

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  47. Totally agree, makes laundry day much easier, no sorting!
    Just added a new word to my collection, 'Fartrogen', love it! Sounds more specific than methane, nitrogen etc! xx

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  48. Can't argue with the good points you make LOL

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  49. Dave and I have never shared underwear, though I wouldn't rule it out in a time of need, I suppose. As for reading on the toilet, that's about the only place I have a chance to read, some days!

    (I'm laughing at your commenter's "legendary lothario from Lidl.")

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    1. That amused me too steve

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  50. You'd be fine here the, only our toilet seat is always down, the plus side to living with an ex-submariner ;-)

    And there are no razors for me to borrow ..... the downside I guess, of living with a man with a full beard.

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  51. Everyone reckons i must have been a bloke-I can read maps, rarely hissy fit, do the DIY, cook, clean and out do the husband on most fronts. He is a big girl's blouse and got worse as the years have gone on...i now feel obliged to indulge his feminine ways ;-) His unmentionables are totally unmentionable

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  52. On the other side, a woman is best off if she chooses a man with sisters - the more the better. We don't have to train them; he already has been indoctrinated.

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  53. About time we all stopped being embarrassed by "feminine articles". Good grief, this is 2014. As for farts and skidmarks, I have no knowledge of either. I'm far too well brought-up for such unsavoury emissions.

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  54. Is it true, as you get older the skid marks get wider? Or some shitzer like that.

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  55. One time Himself bought a package of men's underwear that he discovered weren't Y-fronts only after he had opened the package and taken out a pair to put on. I said i'd wear them, and I did. The last pair is still hanging on by a thread. He hasn't worn mine, and I don't blame him, as none of mine have Y-fronts.

    As for feminine sanitary items, one rule I made was that I wouldn't ever put Himself in a position where he'd have to buy those for me. He had a minor surgery (haemmorhoid removal) where the doctor suggested he use a pad to save his undies. I showed him how to use the pads to his best advantage, and he was very embarrassed. But grateful that I was willing to share my stash and show him how to line it up for maximum protection.

    Early on in our marriage, he'd keep the toilet seat up. I learned to look first before sitting down; one night he went to use the loo, didn't turn on the lights, and forgot he left the seat up. Went to sit down, and cried out when his bum hit the water, which woke me up. I smiled to myself, never letting on that I heard anything, and the seat has stayed down pretty much since.

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