Sunday, 7 September 2014

Modern Parenting

Perhaps I needed more coffee this morning?

I'm not in a bad mood...honest governor!
I'm just mildly irritated.
But what is it with some parents of small children
Now I am not about to bash all modern parents here.
Most, I will admit have a right old time of balancing modern life pressures, after school activities, psychological support, academic performance, play needs and the odd chipped tooth and scraped knee.
No, but I am about to bash that small minority of parents that think that their child is the most important thing in the world....and when I say that, I mean that they thik that their child is the most important thing in the world in a social and public setting!
Are you still with me vicar?
I had just returned to the small car park at the Dyserth walkway with the dogs when I was confronted with a large group of kids around 20) with around fifteen adults, all on bikes. The children were lined up excitedly having their photographs taken by the parents and the scene was a happy one all around.
The old berlingo was parked in the centre of all this , so I walked up to the group and waited patiently
I waited
And I waited
The cameras clicked
There was much chattering in welsh
And I waited some more.
The dogs all sat down.
I suddenly began to feel invisible
Finally one woman who was filming the whole thing on her phone, turned to me and said
" do you want to get passed?"
I smiled  and said , not  unreasonably I thought, " no , I'm just waiting to get into my car"
I smiled again and walked past her and the other chattering moms and dads and got into the car
No one moved
Everyone chatted, more photographs were taken, I was surrounded the worst type of modern parent known to man.
Modern parents who only could see their children and nothing else
It was as though I had gate crashed  a private event.
I was invisible .
I waited for , some astute adult to realise that when someone returned to a car park, their general next move was to start the car and leave.,but that just was not on anyones radar. The group had effectively taken over the car park and I ( not having a child ) didn't figure .

I took a deep breath and reminded myself that perhaps they hadn't really noticed a 14 stone middle aged man in a lurid green t shirt dragging a 25 kilo bulldog ( who was sporting a very bright Canadian flag bandana) as well as  two welsh terriers with a loud Scottie called George in tow, through their ranks.....
And so I sat in the car waiting for the bikes to move behind me so I could reverse out of the car park.
Not one bugger moved,
They only had eyes and ears for their little Megans' and their little Dafydds'
There was no little waves of " sorry" when I eventually started the car
Just a few dirty looks as bikes had to be moved and kids had to be shepherded to " safety"

This modern parent arrogance gets right on my tits!

Anyhow I will leave you with a sweet , happy photo
Albert and Winnie in a playful embrace this morning
( and not a fucking modern parent in sight)




113 comments:

  1. We just barely got out of the restaurant in time last night as we were fast being surrounded by parents and screaming children. We always go early to avoid as much of that as possible. I'm afraid I wouldn't have been as polite as yourself.

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    1. I understand that most parents understand that not everyone wants to be privy to their kids lives.....but those selected few seem to delight in sharing their spawns' every step ( and seem to do it so loudly)
      That's what's get on my tits so much

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  2. Dogs vs children, no contest. I do like children, in moderation and well trained. I love my grandchildren but in small doses as the parents have not learnt to say no and mean it. BTW I look very much like that first thing, minus the facial hair.

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    1. Me thinks we bloggers are all cut from the same cloth

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  3. You were very patient. I'd have asked then to shift themselves and made no bones about it. And I'd have enjoyed their outrage.

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    1. " enjoyed their outrage”
      You devil you

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  4. I think this is more to do with the bicycles than the kids. Stick any car-driver on a bike and they immediately think that they own the road beneath them, and nobody is more important or righteous than them, simply because they are giving themselves exercise and placing themselves in a dangerous and vulnerable position at the same time.

    They get on my bloody tits.

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    1. Here,here!If I have to look at one more boney-arse in lycra at close range through my windscreen I shall scream. The ones with those scary looking helmets and shades on are the worst!They ought to be charged road tax like the rest of us!

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    2. Hey Tom, no knocking us bike riders! Though admittedly, those in the lyrca and fancy bikes are a bit different in my mind than those (like me) whose only mode of transport is the bike. I follow the traffic laws!! Well, unless there are absolutely no cars and I'm stuck at a red light, I do go through. But if there are cars, I wait patiently like I'm supposed to.

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    3. Bony arse nana?
      Not a chance if you drive behind me.....

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    4. You wonder how we ever managed as kids to go for a bike ride in jeans, tennis shoes, a bottle of water and a sandwich in the saddle bag, no helmet, no goggles and definitely no lycra! We cycled for miles.

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    5. John even had his own following wind.

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    6. And have the added bonus of sounding
      I've the queen Mary's hooter

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  5. Wot, no extra-loud doodle dandy horn? I suggest you get one pronto.

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  6. How rude of them, and what patience you had. I would have definitely asked them move, unless it was here in France, and since I am not of French nationality I would have waited out of courtesy to the people of my host country because I don't want to run the risk of being deported!

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    1. You much almost sound like a native by now Vera surely?

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  7. This has happened to me up at the park with soccer parents taking pictures of their little ones in their cute, little blueberry uniforms. Being patient is futile because they are all oblivious to your presence. If this happens again remember, you need to get their attention. I do this by saying in a very, very loud voice "excuse me, that's my car, and I'm leaving." Then I put the girls in the car and start the engine, and then put it in reverse to back out of the space. They move.

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    1. I'll try that next time
      Or perhaps I should just get Winnie all hot in the mouth and yell " rabid dog" as I try to push by

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  8. You are too polite. You should have gotten into your car and then forced them out of the way. The excessive English, and it seems Welsh, politeness will do your countries in.

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    1. Hummm....... Not sure about that
      I do generally like our ability to queue

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  9. This attitude that parents have gets on my proverbials.
    Jane x

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    1. Not all parents have that attitude! :-)

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  10. Don't you just hate that? Yes, I think you just need to speak up when it comes to rude people. If they don't have a social radar, then you won't be hurting anyone's feelings JG.

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  11. As a parent of a young (7) child I am shocked at how rude this group were! Mine would never get away with that behaviour, well done you on keeping your cool!

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    1. The kids were not the problem
      It was the adults that's were getting me all pissy

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  12. You get in your car. You lean on the horn. You put the car in reverse and start moving.
    And so will they.

    Why stand around being...wimpy? I mean polite.

    lizzy

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    1. Wimpy?
      How very dare you

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  13. Sounds as though there were more "children" there than you thought!

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  14. You are a saint, I'd have shouted or leaned on the horn. It it an international phenomena, I had a mother with two young boys being absolutely clueless that anyone else was in the supermarket yesterday.

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    1. I think the most irritating thing in a similar vein, is they way some parents make sure they are talking loudly to their kids so everyone can hear.
      It's as though they need to be overheard being good parents

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    2. Hahaa, exactly, John!
      "Now put that down, Timmy, I don't want to say it again" and then they say it again 100 times, and Timmy has no consequences from his actions. Sigh.

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    3. I remember taking my young son out for lunch and other parents commenting how beautifully he sat as their kids treated the restaurant like a soft play centre, nearly knocking waitresses carrying trays off their feet. My reply was that he knew better - if he didn't sit nicely, he wouldn't be back!

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    4. You sound like my mother x

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  15. Could have sworn I left a comment but it hasn't published. Oh well, neve mind. Won't repeat myself in case it turns up. Have more coffee!!xxx

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  16. Amen bro. AND fave rant of mine on kids: brought uninvited to night time dinner parties (way past their bedtime in this old fogy's estimation) of adults and then completely dominate every single conversation as old bonmots of "excuse me" or "be seen and not heard" have never figured in the parents' lexicons. it has happened too often for this old geezer.
    XO
    WWW

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  17. Pity the dogs didn't start shitting all over the place. I hate all people who think they are God because they produced a fucking child and I also hate all cyclists who think they own the fucking road.

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    Replies
    1. Big breaths Rachel.......big breaths

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    2. You're too late John. I opened the wine.

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  18. oooooooh, I second rachel's comment; pity winnie did not squeeze out a big wet smelly one RIGHT THERE.

    politeness from me would be 60 seconds, then loudly EXCUSE ME I AM NEEDING MY CAR, with a few horn blasts thrown in for good measure, and perhaps a few "f-bombs" too.

    I despise the "entitlement" of parents and spawn.

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  19. Imagine if you'd had 4-5 cups of coffee!!!
    It's a pity Winnie had already done her 'stuff' on the walkies, she could have 'performed' and they would have scattered pronto!
    Love the pic of Albert and Winnie xx

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  20. In the states they are called helicopter parents...hovering over them every minute.....
    Love the picture of Albert and Winnie.......

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    1. Helicopter parents ...never heard that one

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    2. I'd heard that term but didn't know what it meant. Thank you.

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  21. I have no patience whatsoever, in my best Hyacinth Bucket, I would have asked them to make way. Winnie is lovely.

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  22. Love all the advice about being less, er, British. Hee hee. My pet peeve is parents who believe their gimungous stroller gives them right of way in any situation, no matter how crowded.

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    1. Especially as they drag em fully erected on the train

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    2. I just read your reply John in isolation. I had to be picked up off the floor and given mouth to mouth.

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    3. Picked up from the floor
      Not for the first time by girl?

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  23. My solace, John, when we are dead and gone these little self centered bits of arrogance will have to figure out how to cooperate--on their own. Won't that be a howl.

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  24. You're just too polite. I would have got in the car started the engine, given them two minutes, and then hooted very long and very loud, and shouted out of the window that I had an emergency .... getting away from them would have been emergency enough for me.

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    1. It's the thought that the fact that the kids are the centre of all that irritates they are not the centre of my universe that's for sure

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  25. In such trying circs all credit to your own 'little uns' for keeping you sane and 'earthed'.

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  26. I wonder what the average age of your follower is...;-)

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    1. You're the youngest me thinks susie.....

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    2. @susie: I just turned 60 yesterday, never had bratleys, never wanted them, life is good.

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    3. Belated happy birthday

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  27. When my son would get a scrape on his knee I would say "can you still walk?"

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  28. My biggest moan is kids running round the supermarket making stupid noises and getting under the wheels of the trolley! Kids using trolleys to 'surf' is even worse as they come hurtling towards you with a great big grin on their face while the parents whine into the shelves 'Will you stop that'.

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    1. I've been known to shout " stop running" in tescos

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  29. I think it's just people in general. I went to a flower show yesterday and despite the room being large and very few people being there, some still gathered to chat right in front of the exhibits - they saw us, and didn't move, I said excuse me, they still didn't move, so I 'nudged' them out of the way. Last week two cyclists rode at me at high speed on the pavement despite the fact that the road was quiet and there was a designated cycle lane on the road. I stood my ground - they had to slow down and wait at one side, and then had a go at me for not thanking them. They were left in no doubt that I shouldn't have to thank them as they shouldn't have been on the pavement in the first place. A few weeks ago it was a crowd of people( of all ages) who were gathered on the pavement outside a house at the end of my road. They saw me walk around the corner, and didn't move, just looked at me. Not one of them had the common sense or manners to move, or to tell one of those with their back to me that I was there, so I walked into them, and then pointed out that other members of the party had seen me coming. Then there are those who walk 3 abreast on the pavement, and expect me to step into the road - they get shoulder barged too if they don't move across. There's no hope for the children, because most of those I've encountered are adults - of all ages. If they are that ignorant then they're not going to teach their children any mannners, or make them aware that there are other people in the world who have just as much right to be somewhere as they do. Sorry for the rant John, but it's something that drives me to distraction!

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    1. Scarlet....I am so in tune with what you say
      I am a big fan of calling out a lusty " excuse me" in supermarkets.... And don't get me started on the subject of bikes on pavements

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  30. As you noted, this is not a typical parent who actively condones thrusting their child's life into other adults or strangers. And you showed forbearance in waiting.
    I'm always rather surprised at the vitriol a publicly misbehaving child can raise on the part of adults. I always wondered if everyone who seems to be following the old adage of "children should be seen, not..." were perfect and docile around adults when they were young, and attentive to the wishes of the adults around them. Perhaps so.

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    1. I think you are right about the intolerance thing
      I try to be understanding...... But loud kids do my head in

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  31. Some people are just arseholes, and when they flock together you have to abandon all politeness (no matter how much it goes against the grain) or you won't get anywhere. Whether it's parents, cyclists, drivers, ramblers or whatever.
    Unfortunately this sort of self-obsessed mentality seems to be becoming more and more common.

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    1. Perhaps you are right Dave
      It's this " me and mine" are more important than " us the community"

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    2. this "me and my dogs and my Berlingo" and not so much "a whole bunch of kids and parents and bicycles and camera's having a great time"
      I guess it's in the eye of the beholder who "the community" is at any particular moment.

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    3. Good point els
      But I would like to think I have the politeness upper hand

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  32. You do have patience...
    I would not have lasted at all, swung my cane at the nearest father and told them to move it. Yes, sometimes, I can be a bit of a crab.

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  33. I did not have that much restraint.

    I embarrassed my Hubby yesterday over a lady blocking the isles where I was TRYING to shop. I kindly waited. She had no cart. She was totally involved in her conversation. I got closer and said, If you stick that cell phone up your ass there would be room for people to shop. Hubby ran to the next isle but amazingly the lady moved and I found him quickly.

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    1. I love you so hard for that comment! :)

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  34. Patience is a virtue, desired by many, acquired by few.

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  35. I think I would have ended up with an argument here. People blame the kids of today for bad manners etc, but its the parents who need educating. I've had 3 children and all of them were well behaved, they knew they had to be or they were for it....
    Love the Albert and Winnie picture.
    Briony
    x

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  36. You know, I'm not an aggressive person but I would have got in my car and started laying on the horn. Just a couple of beeps at first as I started to back up and then longer blasts until it sank in that the vehicle was moving. Maybe I would have played a little tune on the horn -- beep diddy beep beep, beep beep!

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  37. I haven't seen anyone behave that badly in years. Children in my neighborhood are pretty well behaved and are watched by parents.

    Love,
    Janie

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  38. Perhaps if you had started your car, it would have been a clue that you wanted to leave. I often sit in my car to read or eat, so I don't expect people to move unless I've turned the ignition on! However, from your description, even that might not have done the trick.

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  39. Should have mowed the ignorant mofos down.... Whoops should I have said that, damn right.

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  40. organic parenting we call it.

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  41. My husband calls it the "me me me society". Nobody else matters and manners don't exist.

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    1. It's a sad thought if true

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  42. You've more patience than me. But then I drive a transit and people tend to move out the way a bit quicker!

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    1. Yes kev..... A berlingo doesn't have much kudos

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  43. Wow John, you mean you actually had to ASK if you could move the car out? They didn't read your mind and the rows of children didn't part like the red sea when you and your entourage entered the scene? It really was too much for you saying: hi there, great you're having such fun, now I can I get to my car and leave?
    Sjjeessh!

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  44. Me thinks this blog entry has touched upon a nerve?

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  45. Hear, hear.
    And thank you for the photo of Winnie and Albert as an irritation antdote.

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  46. no need to wonder why "modern" kids have no respect for their elders, as they've not been taught by word or deed to do so...it's the hangers on of the "I, me, mine" generation...LOVE the photo :)

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  47. Just come back after eating out. Some modern yummy mummy proceeded to get two little girls ready for bed, pj's dressing gown and teddy. WHY.?¿?? She did have the sense to take them to the ladies, but wtf......

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  48. The parents should have known better. One day they will piss someone off who's not as kind as you, and then they will be in real trouble.

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  49. You should have just started the engine and hooted them non-stop until they let you drive away. I have no patience with selfish idiots.

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  50. I speak as parent of four who are 20 13 and have to say I FUCKING HATE THIS KIND OF PARENTING and am ashamed to call myself a parent when faced with it, just saying. You were very restrained John, I just tell em what I think and my offspring cringe.

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  51. These 'modern parents' obviously were not taught by their parents to respect other's space.
    Either that or they are so wrapped up in their egos that they can't see straight. I feel sorry for their kids because they just will not be prepared for this world of ours. Shame on their very ineffectual and selfish parents!

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  52. I've been interested in this post of yours John, so I came back for a second read of the comments. What I've read is about 30 variations of "Oh these kids today, with their music and their hair...."
    Good lord, people. We all get inconvenienced. The whole world is not wrapped around you, which is exactly what you're complaining about. I'm hearing "Hey, it's about them at this moment, and I don't like it! I can't be bothered with the fact there are other people in the world! Good lord, don't they know their actions should be based on my presence!"
    Get a grip, people. Other people live here. Babies cry, kids misbehave, adults with kids make mistakes, or in John's case didn't pick up on clues that he wanted to leave. Perhaps they were focused on the kids. I know I was when mine were young.
    If it's the case you didn't have kids, didn't want them...fine. You don't want to be bothered at anytime in the day by kids? Move to a gated, 'adult' community.

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    1. I hear what you say... And I slightly disagree
      There ARE , I feel a section of parents that see their kids and themselves as totally separate from the community as a whole
      They are not unique in this as I think this " separation" from a wider society and community is endemic in modern times.
      I am sure I can class myself in this group on occasion , I just think it is more noticeable in the example I experienced yesterday morning.
      Courtesy is taught to children by example
      I saw no courtesy by those parents
      If I had. There would have been no post

      Delete
    2. Having said all that
      My tolerance for what I see as bad behaviour, bad service, bad communication, bad manners, and bad ANYTHING is much lower the older I get
      Perhaps all this is me

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    3. John
      Well, you know my ilk, at least professionally. Seldom can resist having perhaps the last word. Apologies, and you can ignore a old doc, with two decades on you.
      We all form our 'communities' don't we? Our friends, the people we see each day, etc. Parent's tend to link up, choose for their community other parents. Few people without kids want to be part of it, because the kids are all-consuming. Unless you're a parent who has a nanny who takes over at birth and drops the kid back at age 18, they take up all your attention. People without kids are bored and often irritated by this focus. "They are so different now, after that kid" is often heard. Yep, they take over.
      So, the point being here after that digression is that in the case, as my little understanding of it is, of your experience in the park as you describe is a bunch of kids and parents doing something. You come up with some dogs and stand at the edge of the group surrounding your car. Nobody notices you. Time ensues, you get irritated.
      How about this if it happens again. Get their attention. A loud voice. "Hey folks, I need to get to my car and leave, sorry."
      Do they have to notice you, perceive what your needs are, and then act?

      As to your last comment, yeah, I'm the same. I get irritated now by hints of things in conversations, reading posts, etc. I put a spin on it, my spin, and often that's not what is meant.
      I gotta fish more.
      Cheers

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    4. And do you know when you speak like you suggest they all turn and glare at you as if to say "who does he think he is asking us to move", only one or two will smile kindly.

      Delete
    5. @Should Fish More: Relieved I'm not the only one with this view. Daily life isn't so much about being right, but about making it work. And looking in the mirror from time to time.
      Me thinks...

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  53. I'm with Lizzy....lean on the horn.

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  54. It's my blog
    So I WILL HAVE THE LAST WORD

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  55. Oops. Late to comment. But I am with you, John. There are way too many parents like that and they are raising too many adults like that.
    My hubby would likely have been quite obnoxious after the first minute or so of no one moving. You were quite patient.

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    1. Ok.....THIS is the last word

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    2. Oh no, it isn't! :-)

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  56. And "Isn't my child adorable as he rolls his scooter all around the restaurant screeching at the top of his lungs? He's pretending to be an ambulance. So clever."

    I do so often want to just get up and smack the parents.

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  57. Oops. I see you wanted to have the last word... (Life is rough.)

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  58. Okay you know all you had to do was tell that lady who asked you that you were leaving and needed to get your car out....right? Or perhaps announce loudly that you needed to get your car out....Your the one who decided to sit there and stew and then complain about it...right???? geesh.

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  59. FINALLY...THE LAST WORD

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  60. Nope....it's me ;o)

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  61. Give it up john...the last word is highly over rated.

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  62. Don't get me going. A generation of narcissists is currently being raised.

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