Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Fat Bastard

Chester Selfie ( I had to crop myself off)
Yesterday Chris insisted that we drive to Chester in order to do " shopping" I wasn't happy, but eventually I went along. But I was petulant and sulky all the way there.
I have had enough of shopping recently.
Anyhow, as it turned our the " shopping bit" was a ruse, as it was a ploy of my best friend Nu, to catch me unawares for a surprise meet. She had been seeing family over in Liverpool and wanted to catch me before she went home.
It was lovely to see her, but the subsequent " selfie" ( obligatory in our meets) was a little bit of a shock. For it underlined that my lapse with weightwatchers since Christmas has severely taken its toll.
I look like a cushion.
A large fucking scatter cushion with hair

My relationship with food is a simple one.
I don't particularly comfort eat. I don't eat when I am bored
I just love eating tasty things!
Simples!
And I serve up dinners on dustbin lid sized plates at the end of the day
More " simples!"
I love scotch eggs and takeaway squid.
I adore baking and trifle
And I am sure I can put a whole bagel in my mouth in one go
Food, is there to be enjoyed.
I learnt that from my grandparents.
Wartime grandparents never wasted anything.

So I am back on the wagon. Strict weighwatchers, more exercise and one scotch egg a week.
Already this morning I have dragged my sorry fat arse out for a power walk and am now resigned to do it without the dogs in tow. ( the terriers are getting on a bit now and bulldogs DONT  power walk)
It's not rocket science...I've don't it before
Eat less, do more
Simples
The wedding is on 6 th March ........and I don't want to look like Michael Ball in the wedding photos

67 comments:

  1. I occasionally crop myself off as well. It's very comforting.

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  2. 6th March? I thought it was imminent ….so you have 10 months to get thin? Easy peasy.
    Never heard of takeaway squid…sounds revolting. Chris and Nuala look lovely..and happy, as does your left eye!

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  3. ho my god ho my god i thought it was me talking fair fat and over 40 well 50 go on then over 60 meet someone from the past and in i got to get slim mode i go in to sod it i will join you dust bin here i come

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  4. I think Chris was a dear.
    Heck, John, you can lose the weight, gain it back, and lose it again by then - just remember that it gets harder to lose after the warranty is up!

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  5. I've been gone to long :/ Is this your wedding? Good day to pick if it is, my wedding anniversary too :) Mo

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    Replies
    1. No...not until next march

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    2. Erm... I meant are you getting wed on 6th March? This 6th March has gone, silly ;) Mo

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  6. Almost an 'otherie', but not quite.

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  7. I need to join you on a power walk John! It is true that as you get older you lose your bum and gain a belly - I am a fine example of this!

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  8. Had a horror moment myself this week, dont' try any jeans on your haven't worn since last year as it makes you cry! Weigh in Wednesdays here I come x

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  9. Smaller plates and just stop baking!

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    Replies
    1. Easier said than done I'm afraid:{

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  10. As your coach, I prescribe a jogging regime. Don't worry - you start with short distances around the village before building up to full scale runs to Rhuddlan Castle and back in a loop. You will need a fluorescent running vest, tight silk shorts. a pair of trusty trainers from "Windsor World of Shoes" and a stretchy headband. The pounds will just fall away.

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    1. Just the advice I needed yp

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  11. Well I DO eat for comfort...when I"m bored, angry, sad, happy...you get the picture and in between those events I eat because I like food. What's a girl to do? You can accomplish a lot between now and March. As my hubs is fond of telling me, just eat three sensible meals a day and nothing in between. Sounds simple doesn't it? Yeah..right.

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    1. You must have jaws of steel

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  12. I don't know what you're talking about; in the photo, you're already half the man you used to be.

    Wishing you luck with this (and continued determination).

    Jerry notices a huge difference when he drinks 3 liters of water every day. (Just don't drink any right before weigh-in.)

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    Replies
    1. I'll try more water..........but not before bedtime...... My dickie bladder couldn't quite cope

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  13. You will easily shed the unwanted pounds before March! You are such a determined fellow!!

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  14. All the more of you to cuddle x

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  15. you have plenty of time to get into shape by next march! though you do have to make it through the holidays!

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  16. A large scatter cushion with hair is better than a large scatter cushion WITHOUT hair. Seriously though, in a perfect universe eating tasty things wouldn't have negative consequences. I wish I could eat ice cream and pizza every day. But alas, I would turn into a blimp. Kudos for walking again. Walking is actually great exercise and will make a difference if you do it regularly!

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    Replies
    1. It's middle aded spread Keith ......The dreaded curse of the 50s

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  17. Are you sure that you just not short for your weight John?

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    Replies
    1. Too effing short johnno

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    2. That made me laugh so hard I got a pain in my right side. Diagnose me, John.

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  18. John you are not alone, I have gotten a big fat "F" on weight lost. We could be matching cushions. xx

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    Replies
    1. We could hold hands and make a sofa!

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  19. So Chris has now matched you in 'perfect partner' points?
    Jane x

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  20. I have a similar relationship with food, and it shows. Though I never really appear on the blog.

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    Replies
    1. Perhaps I should suddenly " disappear"
      Or failing that.... I'll buy a kaftan

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  21. Wish you hadn't cropped yourself out... I bet all 3 of you have those gorgeous smiles!

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  22. WW works as we both know....but it is hard as you say. Limiting myself to one-fourth a cup of anything is not ideal. I need to be more active especially now that I've developed diabetes. Being told that potatoes (my very favorite food in any form) and rice and pasta are off limits is a bummer and corn and peas and carrots have too much sugar. I was never much addicted to sweets although I do enjoy. You will be looking great by March ! I have all the faith in the world in you! Good going for Chris for the surprise day!

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    Replies
    1. I've done it before linda. I just need to be firm

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  23. Dearest Cushion,

    March? Plenty of time for pre wedding nerves to assemble a large congregation of them. That should burn a calorie or five.

    Whilst I share your love of food I am one of those lucky bastards who can eat a horse followed by an expertly butchered pig and you wouldn't know the difference. So you can imagine my utter, complete and vomit inducing chagrin that I have LOST all my appetite.

    It's awful. My stomach grumbles. As stomachs do. But without appetite you amount to zilch. The Angel has taken to force feed me: "Mama, YOU HAVE GOT TO EAT." I know. I know. There is another Aesop fable in there, John. I'll write it. It'll be a slim volume but better than nothing. In the meantime a banana and an apple will do.

    I am no nurse, not even a matron, but by way of comfort, John: Only those who have something have something to lose.

    U

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  24. John, tips for slimming 'selfies' (gawd I hate that word) -
    when taking the photo, hold the camera slightly above, not straight on (does that make sense?)

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    Replies
    1. Failing that....turn the flash off

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    2. And just use B&W - everyone looks great in B&W

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  25. I wish you hadn't cropped yourself out, as i'm sure you are being far too hard on yourself. Glad to know you've got time to take off pounds sensibly before your nuptials.

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  26. Jim Harrison (the writer) claims to have lost over 1500 pounds, over the last 40 years. He too loves to eat good food, has written some very funny stories about meals with Orsen Wells, 40 course dinners that lasted hours.

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    1. Rosen wills looked like a barn with hair

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  27. My acupuncturist told me if I go gluten free I would lose the weight and lose my intolerance to dairy. I told him to go stick a pin in it.

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    Replies
    1. And what do you weigh doc?

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    2. 18.5 stone or 260 pounds

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  28. Good luck with the slimming down. I think the most effective way is reducing portion sizes. Whatever you normally eat, have three-quarters of it. Or even a half. Simples!

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  29. I was going to comment, "Why did you have to crop yourself out?" and then I kept reading. I understand, totally. I hope you have an uncropped version in your files, though, for the "before and after" shot! (And here I thought the title was referring to Chris, for tricking you with that traumatic anticipation of more shopping!!)

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    1. Agh haaaa wrong footed you

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  30. My pathetic attempt at rejoining a fitness / weigh loss class clashed with taking over the shop so something had to give .... and that was my waistband ! Shop brilliant and bringing in extra pounds ( as I am gaining them )

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  31. What a lovely thought of Chris and Nu to surprise you …….. a lovely day that you didn't expect.
    I really love the fact that Chris always looks perfectly dressed for all occasions and I can only think of you { from your own descriptions } in crocs and a pair of trousers kept up with a piece of string !! { even though we know that you scrub up so well }….. and, you'll be back to your svelte-like self before you know it. XXXX

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    1. Whe would dress up if he was going to put the bins out

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  32. I crop myself in half. The photo of me smiling, sometimes I crop it in half and sometimes if I really can't bear it it goes into an eighth ..I might publish a half version of it later if I've had enough wine.

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    1. Me thinks you are in fact tea total

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  33. One hundred marching steps on the spot indoors if it is raining = swinging the arms in time, and every twenty steps insert an extra twenty bring the knees up as high as you can and the arms too. Believe me, if you do this three or four times a day it will make a difference. Also you definitely need aversion therapy over the scotch eggs. Read Mrs Nesbitt's Space on my side bar for some super Weightwatchers recipes.

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    1. Ok

      Just one scotch egg a week?

      Not too much to ask

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  34. I have an idea John! Get a younger dog....even a puppy.....(hey, you won't even notice another!)......that requires a lot of exercise/walking every day. If it doesn't get its exercise it will be the bane of your life! Sophie our dog needed lots of exercise for the first 3 years.....and we haven't stopped in her 7th year! It works!!!

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  35. Chris will love you no matter what size you are.

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  36. WE love you no matter what. :) I'd be happy to lose twenty pounds too.

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  37. YOU MEAN I gotta wait til NEXT YEAR to throw the virtual rice?

    harrumph! (flounces off)

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  38. I usually eat one meal a day and one snack. I've started walking more. I lose weight very slowly. I probably need to eat more regularly, but I've gotten out of the habit. It's too much trouble to eat.

    Love,
    Janie, who thinks you're gorgeous no matter what and you don't need to lose weight. Diets make people gain weight.

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  39. Diets are not good....a little less of what you fancy and moving more..as you know..is the way to go....lovely pic and putting the date on the calendar!

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  40. My mum's partner is about 20 stone and buys his clothes from the FF range at T**co. He says the FF stands for Fat F*****!

    Only diet if you want to. A wedding is just one day, marriage is for life and he obviously loves you as you are. If you want to look totally amazing on the day, wear a kilt (do you have any Scottish connections?) x

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  41. I had a similar realisation on a picture taken at the weekend. But as someone said above, don't diet just for the wedding ... who wants wedding pictures with an impossibly slim you on them if two years down the line the comfy padding is back and you look like a different person.

    Chris loves you, just as you are. Sure slim down a bit to be healthy and comfortable but for everyone's sake .... especially yours and Chris's .... be YOU on your wedding day.

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  42. I hate Weight Watchers - im more of a Watching Weight kinda girl and there's a lot of it to watch, all over my 50 year old self. Good luck, i'm going to enjoy the roller coaster ride to your wedding day. Some of your followers are so funny. I may just skip your post and go straight to the comment section.

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