Monday, 30 December 2013

Turkey Emergency


Chris returned from his daily morning jog yesterday, which proved to be a little bit disappointing owing to a bit of " over indulgence " over the Yuletide period.
When he returned home he gave strict instructions for any calorie busting flotsam to be removed from the cottage and out of temptation's way..and so leftover Christmas pudding, Half eaten oatcakes,biscuits,   crackers, old mince pies, a large  tub of forgotten brandy butter,a large packet of Bombay mix, peanuts and a box of unwanted dark chocolates were all emptied into a bucket and dumped in front of the field population.
The chickens literally thought it was Christmas!
Within seconds chicken lips were smeared with crumbs and brandy butter as coffee cream chocs and the remains of a Yule log were  fought over by eager beaks.
Now, I have some advice if any of you are doing the same thing with your Chrimbo leftovers....make sure that you soften your biscotti!
For the one piece of uneaten Italian confectionary that had been discarded, was snapped up by Bingley , the turkey, and swallowed in one gulp.
Now, I think Bingley's eyes were just too big for his head, for the biscotti biscuit, quite clearly had become stuck in his throat as the turkey started to choke and bob his head frantically .
Years ago,when I was a student nurse,  I once removed half an apricot from an senile old lady's gullet by employing the Heimlich manoeuvre and so I roughly sort of knew how to approach this kind of emergency and so I clambered over the fence and went to Bingley's aid.
I shouldn't have worried, as turkeys are made from stern stuff, so after a few frantic gulps and a bit of manhandling from me , the offending biscotti disappeared and Bingley grabbed a whole mince pie to wash it down with....



62 comments:

  1. Oh no, he wasn't able to gobble it down.

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  2. Hilarious to read, but frightening to watch I am sure. Dried toast for New Years then?

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  3. Phew...I thought for a moment I may have killed Bingley!!! xxx

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    1. No....it was only one half eaten biscotti...... The others we have scoffed ourselves!

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  4. Mouth to mouth would have been amusing to watch!

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    1. I ave done it on a bulldog

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  5. Your description made me laugh, poor Bingley though.

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    1. Don't worry about him.. He's fine...this sort of thing happens regularly

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  6. I just gave my neighbours dog some apple pie. Our terrier and cat will eat most things, even Curry. Is the Ukraine village getting slippy and muddy?

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    1. Dave , it looks like the Somme

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  7. That's the first example I have heard of a turkey actually celebrating Christmas. Just happy to be alive, I suppose. What effect did the brandy butter have on the chickens?

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    1. The greedy little bastards seem to love it

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  8. Heimlich manoeuvre on a turkey ! ha ha!

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    1. Not quite....just a case of a bit of a hug

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  9. Oh John - my laugh of the day as usual.
    Incidentally I did the same. My hens loved the chestnut stuffing and attacked it as though there were no tomorrow.

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    1. Our stuffing was eaten by the dogs

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  10. It is always the last line that makes me laugh.

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    1. Leave em on a high andrew
      A Hollywood rule

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  11. Oh my gosh....I'm laughing hysterically again over my first cup of coffee!!!!

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  12. Holy carp! that must have been frightening to watch. I knew you could feed all sorts to pigs and goats. But I didn't know that you could give that sort of stuff to birds. let alone butter. if everyone had birds, no food would go to land fill.... an interesting thought.

    I now have an image of a cartoon like turkey with his eyes on stalks

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    1. Sol
      Chickens will eat most things
      Especially meat

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  13. My kind of fellow, Bingley!

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  14. thats the best thing I have read in a long time, oh my gosh, and washed it down with a mince pie! lol!!!!

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  15. My pigs and goats were very happy with my clean out. Also the outside dogs. They are getting some soft candies today. How is the old hen doing?

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    1. Eating better today....she's very thin but brighter I think

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  16. I am absolutely amazed at your restraint, as my first thought was that you would collect all the goodies and hide them away until later. But no, your generous nature came to the fore and the family enjoyed the leftovers. Biscotti can be very dangerous when not dunked, good thing Bingley doesn't have any teeth or it would have been a double panic. Who got the scotch egg????

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    1. I would never give ANYONE my scotch egg
      Even the queen

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  17. Poor Bingley.
    It would have been the shock of being manhandled that did the dislodging. He must have been thinking about what happened to Camilla..

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    1. I did very little Jess
      He swallowed the biscotti EVENTUALLY

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  18. Next time you plan on throwing Christmas to the field give me a call...I'll don my chicken outfit and be right there.

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    1. Me too! Unwanted dark chocolates - never!!!!
      Ahem, 51 and can no longer snaffle down peanuts and choc to my 'eart's desire, the belly can't take it *sob*.
      Boiled egg for tea.
      Susan x

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  19. I'd be a bit concerned that the Bombay Mix might have had an 'explosive' effect on the little dears. Still, they did have the brandy butter with which to soothe their poor scorched throats and tummies.

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    1. Spicy but not too bad.....I have used chilli powder hidden in a boiled egg to stop egg eating hens ray

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    2. I'll have to set aside some time to think about that one.

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  20. Oh you do brighten up my dull day. The vision of you performing the Heimlich manouevre on a turkey will stay in my head for a long time

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  21. What. Your lot had no Christmas cheer until the eve of new year's eve. No biscotti for you until next year.

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    1. No.....my waistline is bulging

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  22. And I thought 'The Vicar of Dibley' was a good comedy series!!
    John, you have something here!

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  23. I have learned to not drink anything especially coffee when reading your posts !
    Interesting that the chocolates don't seem to bother the animals.

    cheers, parsnip

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  24. Poor Bingley!
    As fir the hens and other laying poultry, I wonder if it will affect the taste of their eggs???

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    1. Omelette with hint of Christmas?

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  25. Lucky birds ... a late Christmas feast :-)

    Bingley obviously didn't learn from his greedy mistake to wolf down a WHOLE mince pie straight after nearly choking to death, at this rate he'll be putting himself on the plate for Easter!!

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    1. Turkeys are as think as your average dining room table ....things like this bothers him not

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  26. We had a walk on the beach yesterday and one of our dogs (the one with the food allergies) found a half eaten mince pie and scoffed it down. Then snatched a biscuit out of my hand when we were having our picnic and made off with it. The dogs have been a bit overexcited with all the different foods in the house this Christmas. Your field is going to be one lovely mess with slippery droppings after that feast!!

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    1. I like to get rid of any spare chocolate after Christmas
      Too dangerous for the dogs

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  27. Greedy bastard. That'll teach him to be less greedy in future.

    Not.

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    1. Mince pies are not his favourite food.... Cheap dog food is!

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  28. That is so funny - thanks for the laugh.

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  29. Glad to hear that Bingley was tougher than the Biscotti. Those apricots are dangerous. My mother spent two and a half days unconscious in hospital after choking on one at breakfast. She obviously needed you.

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  30. Hahaha ... poor old Bingley. Maybe that will teach him... but probably not.
    Jo in Auckland, NZ

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  31. Oh gawd you make me laugh!!!!

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  32. Bingley truly stuffed himself!

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  33. My son devoured the leftovers while watching football yesterday. He's kind of a Bingley, or a human garbage disposal.

    Love,
    Janie

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  34. I would have paid you a Kings Ransom, for a bucket of left-over Christmas goodies, especially mince pies.
    Next time consider me, or i'll hide out in costume on your field ;)
    ~Jo

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  35. "...unwanted dark chocolates." I have NEVER strung those words together before. I cannot get my heard around the concept.

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    1. I meant to type "head" rather than "heard." Apparently, my ears couldn't believe it, either.

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  36. *squeal*, The Governor from TWD is in a TV programme on Monday call 'The 7.39' on BBC 1. Ive just seen it advertised

    http://insidemediatrack.com/2013/09/7-39-first-look-picture-david-morrissey-sheridan-smith-new-bbc1-drama/

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  37. That Bingley. What a turkey!

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