Friday, 25 October 2013

" what have you done today dear?"


Ok , perhaps I am being somewhat of a martyr again
Chris went into work late today
And before he left, he caught me scrubbing dog  paw prints out of the living room carpet
" what are you doing?" He asked
" origami" I almost said but thought better of it
" getting shitty footprints out of the shagpile" I told him
" what happened to the carpet cleaner?" He asked
" he got to 51 almost unscathed" I almost said again

It's 2pm and so far today I have
Scrubbed the lounge carpet'
Bleached the kitchen
Done some washing
Cleaned the bog,
Bathed Meg and carefully cut four clingons from her bum,
Cleaned shit stains from bath enamel ( Meg's btw)
Updated online bulldog insurance
Moved ladder out of the church at church warden's request
Collected layers pellets from farm shop
Made cup of coffee ( forgot to drink it)
Fed and watered the animals,
Delivered eggs around village,
Walked dogs ( twice)
Fed cat
Fed dogs
Fed rabbit,
Petted cat
Petted dogs,
Petted rabbit,
Cleaned logburner out
Stubbed toe on corner of couch during hoovering
Swore a great deal
Cleaned bulldog face wrinkles out with a cotton bud
Did the weekly shop at the supermarket
( According to the checkout girl we saved £ 1.22 shopping at Tesco)
Cut grass in front garden
Made two phone calls
Prepared supper
And cleaned cottage

I have just sat down with another cup of coffee
And the cat has just puked up on the living room rug
And four dogs are now  fighting over the spoils
I give up







75 comments:

  1. well, honey, a woman's work is never done!

    make chris take you out for a scotch egg and a pint or something!

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    Replies
    1. I would settle for a foot rub

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  2. I'm tuckered out reading this and I'm still in bed!

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  3. Shit stains, vomit, paw prints, swearing. A typical day in the Gray household then....

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    Replies
    1. May be too much?
      Just noticed I lost 3 followers today.....

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  4. We have people for dinner tonight, so Lady Magnon has been doing much the same, whilst I give useful advice.

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    Replies
    1. I am sure she values your support

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  5. You have also written another great blog post! Who knew that you had to clean out bulldog face wrinkles? I think I better search for the cotton buds and do mine!!!

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    Replies
    1. They need to be cleaned regularly a bit like under a fat lady's titties

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    2. Cathy it's a known fact

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    3. Oh dear.......that's gross.

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    4. Too much information!!!

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  6. You DD need a maid.

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    Replies
    1. She would need a strong stomach

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  7. *DO* or do do or shit.

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  8. But what you have created by having centred the text is a beautiful candlestick of words! Am having a similar day but on a smaller scale. x

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    Replies
    1. Lol
      Always look on the bright side of life em

      Delete
  9. Despite its awesome length(!) your list of 'dones' doesn't seem to include anything about having written a blog-post. Maybe you just didn't have time to mention everything.

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    Replies
    1. Last on the list........
      Off now to collect eggs

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  10. Shall I amend the old saying? Behind every successful man is a very busy man :-) You deserve your cup of coffee, for sure.

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    Replies
    1. Behind every successful man is another bloke with a puke covered carpet

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  11. Been there, done that....add 2 kids to the mixture.....

    Full time job teaching school too

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    Replies
    1. Point taken
      Add 2 kids to the mix and a full time job and I would be locked in a rubber room

      Delete
  12. After all that you deserve to be a martyr.

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  13. I've been up for a little over an hour, but after reading your blog I need a nap!

    Nancy in Iowa

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  14. ..To make you feel proud." You sound like Stevie in 'Miranda.' When she does her Heather small impersonation. Keep up the good work John!

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    Replies
    1. Reach for the hero inside yourself!

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  15. Cling ons - tick
    several hours in the company of The F*ckwit - tick
    ditto tempremental teenage girl - tick
    swallowed down the replies to petty sh*t/reprimands - tick
    superfast asda shop - tick
    counselled friend so that she can counsel others - tick and tick
    watched the dog scratch - fleas again? - *sigh*/tick
    washing And ironing - double tick
    Susan x
    Anyone got a tick remover???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susan
      And the prize for the best blog reply goes to you xx

      Delete
    2. I did not expect that, thank you. I will sleep happy tonight, for tomorrow am helping another friend with her horses and by 'de-stressing' her with a few choice comments like "get a grip, get a ruddy grip!" whilst pushing barrow loads of sh*t around the field.
      N'night xx

      Delete
  16. What you call cling-ons we call dingle berries and what a pain in the ??? to clip off... are all Scotties that sensitive? Thanks for the smile this morning.

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    Replies
    1. Steph...they were on Meg.. The welsh terrier.....
      Dirty madam

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  17. Do you suppose Gene Roddenberry knew what clingons were when he invented Klingons? I wouldn't want to tell Worf his kind was named after dingleberries.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Schoolboy humour....... Bit like pronouncing Uranua in school

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  18. Your life is so.........glamorous !!

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  19. Just another day in Paradise?
    Lovely

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  20. John, I've been following your blog for a very long time (2 years perhaps) and me thinks you could use a wee bit of a getaway....perhaps a few days in London with your friend (her name escapes me right now). Seems like ages since you've been away for a bit of fun....just a thought.

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    Replies
    1. Lol
      Booked to see NUALA in December
      And will be going to see my friends in Sheffield in November
      I also have a friend in Manchester..... And will g and see him very soon...... I am not doing too bad
      X

      Delete
  21. Damn that's a hell of an eventful pre-2pm day. Take a nap!!

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    Replies
    1. I am a martyr ,,,, nap NEVER!

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  22. You do make me appear lazy by comparison.

    Great job.

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    Replies
    1. Just justifying my existence

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  23. Oh dear ~ enjoy that quiet time for the moment it lasts. My cat is notorious for gobbling her food and then chucking it back up just as we are about to sit down to have a meal.

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  24. I need to sit down after that. Highly recommend getting rid of carpet and installing wooden flooring....

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  25. Well, you win. What I don't know LOL
    What is it with dogs wanting to eat puke or poop? Gross little buggers.

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  26. Busy Busy Busy!

    What is it with dogs wanting to eat puke or poop? Gross little buggers.

    Poop is probiotic, think of it as "dog yogurt".

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  27. Burst out laughing when I reach the last line. I have learned to not drink my coffee when I read your blog. My computer can't take anymore.
    Between the dogs and cat that is why I have tile floors ! except why do they all run for the carpet when throwing up ?

    cheers, parsnip

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  28. You get the martyr prize. Also the put upon prize. It's even better.

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  29. Cringing at that picture..
    It would be murder by feather duster if that were me.

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  30. What is it about cat puke and litter box trinkets that dogs find so delicious?

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  31. I'm tired just readin this post. lol
    Briony
    x

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  32. I made myself some chocolate milk, which I remembered to drink; turned on Mrs. Roomba; and now I'm perusing blogs. I live the good life.

    Love,
    Janie

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  33. You should have a nap, then wake up with a headache to keep the matyredom rolling.

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  34. I've awoken the last two mornings to a cat's puking. It's better than any alarm clock as i'm immediately awake.

    The second favourite puking time is a tie between when we're eating or right after i've done the cleaning.

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    Replies
    1. You are right about the alarm qualities of that ominous retching sound. Just the same, I would rather wake to it than wake as I put my foot in a fresh deposit getting out of bed.

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    2. A house guest once found a small pile of cat sick under the dressing table in the guest room.
      The really embarrassing part is that the cat had died several months before!

      Delete
  35. I feel your pain. The trouble with housework is that it never ends! Albert's contribution to your living room decor must have been the last straw. As for followers, with your total I shouldn't worry about losing a few weaklings who can't hack the pace.

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  36. Busy, busy, busy. And yes I too feel your pain. One of our cats is never very sick - she is a little bit sick in a lot of places - all of them carpeted.

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  37. I bet Klingons are rife with dingleberries.

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  38. dog broodiness over. I gather dog clingons are poop balls or something. Cats vomit and dogs eating it. and poop in the carpet.

    That's me done with the thought of a pet.

    Maybe that stone with eyes and cork legs isn't one of the worst ideas OH has said when I suggested a tortoise. He even offered to move it around the garden when I wasn't looking

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  39. If you genuinely saved £ 1.22 shopping at Tesco, you would have saved £11.22 shopping at either Lidl or Aldi. Wear dark glasses so that people don't recognise you.

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  40. Now, that sounds like life with three toddlers, all of whom have chicken pox. You did better on your day than I did back in the day...

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  41. Oh gosh, John. What a day! You have more energy than my brother, and he has tons!
    Hope the weekend gives you a little rest. ♥

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  42. Wow John... will you marry me?
    I know I know you're taken... all the good ones are... oh and that pesky gay thing.
    SIGH!!!! Does it help that I live about 2 miles rom the beach in Southern California?

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  43. Our dear little pets....What would we do without them?

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  44. Oh that made me laugh out loud. The joys of sharing our lives with cats and dogs x

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  45. Dearest sweetest Heart, haven't I told you before you should have married me instead of shacking up with sarky Chris? In the best of our parents' tradition there'd be a Gin and Tonic waiting on your return. The house spick and span. Kids safely tucked up in bed. Casserole wafting smell as only casseroles can.

    Greetings from my neatly nipped in waist and apron,
    U

    PS Mind you, where the above paradise would leave you I do not know

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  46. LOL. Sounds like a normal day to me.

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  47. I can't stop laughing
    You've got a great life!!!!

    Debra

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