Friday, 5 July 2013

Visiting

This afternoon, I went to visit a friend.
They are ill and the illness can no longer be treated.
I suspect that deep down I had been putting the visit off
It was a sad visit, but not a tragic one.
My friend talked candidly , in a matter-of-fact way about things,  a bottle of morphine sitting on the table in between us.
I felt slightly odd but privileged to be there.
Chatting and listening in the cool darkness of a small kitchen.

32 comments:

  1. Sorry John. I'm glad you went. People often avoid those who are dying for fear of having to discuss the subject they fear so much. xx

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  2. I am sorry. We forget from the moment we are born we are heading toward death. It is never easy.

    Glad you got to visit.

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  3. The closest I got to my aunt was when she was dying,she wanted to tell me about her life and thoughts. We had some laughs as well as tears.
    Jane x

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  4. Good of you to go. Hard, yes, but good and necessary.

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  5. i think being more in touch with death ultimately makes it easier for us. glad you went.

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  6. It's hard to go to visit someone you love when you know that soon you will have lost them, but it's so vital to make the most of every moment you can, while you can.

    I'm glad you got there while you could.

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  7. Hard or not it was good to visit. There must be some nice times to talk about among the sadness. It all helps.

    cheers, parsnip

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  8. Have been under the migraine-rule for a few days, and now have caught up on your posts. You clever man, you. Organ donor in Welsh. What would they do with a dead American?

    Your sweet poetry above demonstrates the depth of your kindness. God bless you, John.

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  9. Much better to visit now, than to wish you had - later.
    )))Hugs(((

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  10. When the same thing happened to my one-in-a-million best friend from teenage-hood (it was this time last year that the doctors handed her her time limit which ended three days after Xmas and 19 days after her 59th birthday), she used to talk matter-of-factly too and I tried to go along with it while I was in her company. I never showed her how heart-broken her cruel illness and deteriorating condition made me feel, although she probably knew it anyway. I think it's harder for the sick person to have to deal with healthy people than vice versa.
    Sorry about your friend. x

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  11. You have reminded me. I have been putting off a visit to my aunt, for too long.
    I'll do it next week.

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  12. The Samaritans sounds like a perfect fit for you. I am glad for you both that you had this visit.

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  13. I made the mistake once of not visiting someone who was very dear to me...I have regretted it ever since....I will never do that again...now no matter how difficult it is I am there and I have never ever regretted that....
    Your a good soul mr.Gray....

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  14. You are a good friend John.

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  15. Your visit may of been sad. But it would of mean't a lot to your friend and you.
    Rosezzeeta.

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  16. What a gift. To both of you.
    x
    Els from Amsterdam

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  17. Aw, I'm sorry. We've just been through the same thing with Adam's grandma (not the one you met!). After a long battle with cancer, she died a few weeks ago. Bloody awful. She did hang on to see the birth of her grandchild, though, which is something, I guess...

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  18. A friend of mine had cancer afew years ago. He fought off two lots but took it very philosophically when it returned. Somehow he managed to make me feel better - which wasn't the idea.

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  19. I am sure your friend appreciated your visit.

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  20. You did a great thing meeting your friend. You might have the chance to make and meet new friends, but they are unlikely to meet new friends.

    If possible, go meet them again. That will make them real happy, and surprised :-)

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  21. So hard to know what to say...but just being there I'm sure meant so much...hugs to you.

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  22. I have always found when visiting a terminally ill friend, that the time spent with them is so precious and we are often enabled to mutually speak freely of things that may be otherwise not be discussed and surely that is rewarding in itself ?

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  23. You have worked in healthcare most of your adult life - latterly in ICU - you understand death more than most of us. Who better to listen to those who can see the never ending darkness just ahead?

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  24. My heart goes out to you and your friend. I've been there (and I know you've been there before) and it hurts to visit but hurts even more not to. I'm so glad you did.

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  25. As difficult as making those visits are, it is so important to be there for both that person and yourself. Too many people shy away and don't want to face mortality, and then live with regret.

    You are a good man, John Grey.

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  26. From my own experience of dealing with terminal illness in my first husband, what such folk really want is a bit of normal conversation. Sounds like you gave your friend just that John.

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  27. I agree with A Heron's View. When my friend Ruth was in that place, we talked about everything and nothing.

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  28. My mother recently passed away from liver cancer after a long illness, with my brothers, husband and I taking care turns on a daily basis, all day and overnight...her "close" friend rarely came, and then maybe for a few minutes...now she is the bereft friend who is pissed off at us for imagined wrongs....my mother was ill, yes, but so happy to have friends and family around on a daily basis, even when she would just close her eyes and doze as we chatted...thanks for caring, John.

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  29. PS said-friend has been very vocal about what she wants from the house....even told mom "when you die, can I have..." I was told not to give her "one damn thing...."

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  30. friendship is a great comfort when the end beckons

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