Friday, 26 April 2013

Mrs Slocombe's Pussy

 "You know, animals are very psychic.  I mean, the least sign of danger and my pussy's hair stands on end."
So trilled Mrs Slocombe in an episode of Are You Being Served back in the 1970s

People that overly pamper their pets have always provided sitcoms and movies with stereotypical battle axe matrons and camp old queens, who kiss their pooches on the lips whilst cooing
"Whose mummy's little soldier?" 
I generally don't have much time for people that treat animals like surrogate fluffy babies
And so
What have I found myself doing?

Mr Gray's Pussy
I have been making a rod for my own back
That's what I have been doing.

A few weeks ago, in a fit of decadence, I bought Albert one of those expensive gourmet food packs from the supermarket.
bugger alone knows just why...instead of his usual non branded, foul smelling meaty chunks, Albert  was suddenly faced with a "cuisine seafood medley" or a "chef's collection" of delicate " mini fillets in a sumptuous gravy" 
And it all went to his head.
Now he won't touch his normal food
And looks at a mound of whiskers as if I have just offered him a pile of my own faeces on a plate
I have created a gourmet loving monster snob cat


"I've got to get home.  If my pussy isn't attended to by 8 o'clock, I shall be strokin' it for the rest of the evening."

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I will conclude today's rubbish with a bit of a sad tale. A woman from the village knocked on the cottage window early doors, to tell me that one of my chickens had been squashed in the lane.
The car that hit her was a 4 x 4 out on the school run, and the chicken, that was killed was left right in the centre of the road for someone else to deal with.

Escapees always run the risk of a careless driver
And Sod's law dictates that she was one of my best layers.

Hey ho

62 comments:

  1. I remember a friend of mine saying about a mutual acquaintance 'Thank goodness she doesn't own a cat; I'd hate to ask if I could stroke her pussy'. Worthy of Mr Humphries.

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    1. Let the pussy comments spring forth

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  2. Isn't there some sort of protocol in these matters in the countryside?

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    1. Just politeness..... You would have thought they would have at least moved her

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  3. Sad about the chicken...good layer or not...

    ...I still marvel at what script writers could get away with in the 1970s...marvellous, but I doubt they'd be allowed to these days, all too pc

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    1. Bringing more pussy jokes!

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  4. Did you hear that Jennifer Saunders joke about the three sisters (one of them called Fanny) with big feet? There is a family of Guinea Fowl near here which have taken to pecking around on the A4 tarmac. The family is getting smaller.

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    1. No, I didn't...do tell!

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    2. Abbreviated version: Three sisters with very big feet. One of them (Fanny) stays behind when the other two go off to a party to meet a man who comments about the size of their feet. They say, "If you think our feet are big, you should see our Fanny's".

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    3. Hahahahaha

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  5. Sorry about the chicken. :(

    We have the opposite issue with our Ginger who has been relegated to an expensive bladder health canned food diet.....he won't hardly eat it and tries to steal the dogs food kibbles when they are eating! Grrrrr.

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  6. Sorry to hear about your poor chook.

    I would have expected that the culprit would come round to let you know and to apologise, even if they couldn't
    deal with the body.

    I know it was "only" a chicken, but it could have been "only" a kitten, or "only" a disabled cat who couldn't get out of the way, or "only" a lamb....

    I'd be tempted to erect a psuedo Police Incident board at the site. "Incident here 25 April 2013, did you see anything?".

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  7. Poor chook. My cats pulled the same stunt. I kept putting out their 'normal' food. They finally figured that the gourmet food was a treat, not an everyday occurrence.

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  8. my pussies eat better than I do. and there is something wrong with a person who does not treat animals with kindness; poor chicken. :(

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  9. Sad to lose a chicken that way. And I can't believe that a driver doesn't notice that something was wrong.
    As to animals getting spoilt: they know what is good - but maybe they are more stubborn in fighting for it? And: as with children: one should (and seldom does) think whether one wants to keep something that easily becomes a 'habit or right' (I know - am still packing 24 little Adventspackages every year - though son is 29 now he doesn't see any sense in me stopping by now :-)

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    1. We must be "feeders" Brigitta

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  10. Sorry about the chicken; I hope it was quick. The hit and run aspect is awful but thank goodness a decent citizen let you know.

    Regarding the cat food, I once made the same mistake with an aging cat. I suggest you apply for a mortgage this very afternoon. Just don't make the same mistake with the canines although at least they've changed the name from the cracking 'Mr Dog' now. Talking of which, the drawings are in the post and should be with you first-class-soon. x

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    1. I will give Albert a stiff talking to

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  11. That's sad about the chicken, but that's why chickens shouldn't cross the road!!

    Loved "Are you being Served."

    Gill in Canada

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    1. Congratulations to you for the first " chicken crossing the road" repy

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  12. Un feeling asses! I've been known to throw riders towards the windshield to avoid a squirrel in the road. My outside cats stand at the door to "ask" for a treat...ice cream with a bit of milk over it.

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  13. Years ago I had a fancy to try my hand at topiary. If you want to see a grown man blanch, rock up to a gardeners' Q&A session and say to the expert 'can you give me some tips on trimming my box?'.......

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    1. Prize for the best comment as usual wanda
      X

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    2. Wild applause!

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  14. you should try feeding my teddy? fussy fussy fussy. sorry about your chook! they should at least hit one of the ones that attack you!

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    1. Is teddy a euphemism for pussy?

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  15. Poor little thing enjoyed a short lived freedom on the road. And Albert...oh my....he had no idea what delicacies were available. He may never catch a mouse again.

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  16. I could have told you that about cats and I am awfully sorry to see what has happened to your hen. :(

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  17. Mrs Slocombe! We still joke (carefully) in our office about her and her pussy, from time to time.

    Bummer about the lost layer. I wonder if the driver even knew what they'd left behind. Or else..."Meh, that's what they get for letting their livestock run loose." May they grow improperly-placed pubic hairs from consuming hormone-laced factory-farmed eggs.

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    1. Double ententres..... Don't you just love em

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  18. I once knew a cat who wouldn't touch anything but liver. And the best quality liver at that. I hope you haven't inadvertently turned Albert into just such a fussy-eater!

    The person who killed your chicken was not only careless but quite despicable for not having the courage to tell you and apologise. Was it a local or an outsider?

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    1. Someone fairly local nick. Unfortunately

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  19. My heart sank when I saw that poor chicken. I know we can rely on you to give it a respectable burial, right?

    Once when I worked for St John Ambulance we had to convey in the vehicle a wheelchair-bound grumpy old codger with his dog at the same time as a more pleasant old biddy. Dog started sniffing eagerly at this new 'acquaintance' who came out with "Oh, I think he must be able to smell my pussy." (We had to turn our faces away).

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  20. Oh, I remember that episode. I loved that show. We had many reruns on public television.

    sorry about the hen.

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  21. Don and I watched "Are You Being Served" reruns so many times we practically new the lines by heart...I even bought the whole collection plus the reunion, long since recycled for someone else to enjoy :D

    So we now know the chicken didn't get to cross the road...should I put a curse on the 4x4...perhaps not, if I did and something happened I'd never forgive myself...and OF COURSE it was the best layer looking for the most nutritious greens with which to make your morning eggs!

    No comment on your kitties eating habits...I've messed Baron up so horribly in the eating department who am I to say anything :D

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  22. I always suspected you had a spoiled pussy. Tragic about the hen.

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  23. How horrible for the poor chicken! Will you put a cross and flowers by the roadside to go with the CSI outline? You'd think the driver would at least have returned later in the day to offer condolences.

    Dear Mrs. Slocombe! The show still plays in reruns here, thank goodness. If I were a coffee drinker, I would have spit some out my nose just now reading about her pussy. Speaking of which, I have spoiled many cats, but the worst was one with a dietary problem who needed special dry food. She did not like it. I had to leave her home for a couple of days and filled one of those auto feeders with both the healthy food and some of her preferred Meow Mix to make sure she'd eat. When I returned, the "good" food was scattered all over the kitchen floor - she just dug it out of the bowl as it dropped down from the chute and ate the stuff she liked.

    Nancy in Iowa

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  24. Mr. Gray's pussy is admittedly adorable.
    "Are You Being Served?" was one of my very favorite sitcoms - but they didn't start showing it here in the U.S. until the 1980's.

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  25. Sorry about the favorite chicken. The driver was I assume playing with the phone, drinking coffee, changing the music and if they knew they hit the chicken didn't care.
    Love the CSI outline. I would have put some ketchup on it though and a sign up with cute photo of chicken with information about the car.

    I got hit by a truck that I could see in my rear view mirror. I was making a turn into another street and I saw him look down then bend down to get ? the phone, ipod ? whatever. Thank goodness I almost was in the next street so damage was ripped off bumper.

    cheers, parsnip

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  26. As soon as that blog title popped up on my reader list, I didn't have to check, to know it was yours!

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  27. To a neighbour on the phone Mrs Slocombe asked, 'can you peek through my letter box and if you can see my pussy, can you slip it a sardine.'

    Sorry about your chook.

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    1. I didn't know how many people love mrs Slocombe and her pussy

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  28. I thought of you on the way home from my chainsaw class last week when a few chickens trundled into the the roadway and stopped in the centre to watch me approach. I slowed down, and they ran back to the side from whence they came. One was a pretty, speckled black and white one.

    I was hurrying TO the class as i was running a little late, and am glad they decided to take their stroll when i wasn't rushed.

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  29. Sorry to hear this John. I am sure she didn't suffer any.

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    1. Ou don't when you are squished jimbo

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  30. *hugs* for both, John. ♥

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  31. My hens, when I had some, were part of our family. I went into my daughters room; she was 8 at the time and there were three hens sitting on her bed. I asked her what she was doing and said "reading to them Mum what did you think I was doing" when I asked her what she was reading I nearly wet myself laughing. She was reading Chicken Little!! So John, sorry about the hen.

    Jo in NZ

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  32. I hear you on the subject of shamefully indulged moggies. And I am sorry that your escapee came to an early end.

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  33. One of my hens was once squashed by a lorry - he very kindly stopped and carried the hen to the roadside - stupid birds.

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  34. I know what you mean about the cats diet, I also have made a rod for my own back by offering chef's delights to my lot for a treat, and like yours, they now turn their noses up at the standard day to day stuff !
    Sorry about the chicken, I always think these things can be avoided if drivers would drive a little slower, the carnage on the roads is everywhere, pheasants, fox, badgers etc., they all have a place in our world and it's sad they end up at the side of a road.

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  35. My condolences for your loss.

    Mrs. Slocombe--what a delight she was!

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    1. And her pussy was not too bad either

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  36. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. The sitcom song says "Going Up " right ??

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