Monday, 29 April 2013

....as a box of frogs.......


It was 7.30 this morning,when I was right in the middle of having a long awaited and satisfying dump in the loo when I heard the slightly familiar " Yooooooo hooooo" from the "mad lady of the village"
The bathroom window was open so with some difficulty I did that slight limbo dance, all people tend to do when they are caught "halfway through a job"  and I popped my head through the window and called down with a rather testy " I won't be a minute" .....I have worked out recently that I can't really keep her waiting.
"Mad lady" is thankfully only visiting the village...apparantly she leaves today....
Now, I only say thankfully here, because she has a noticeable " pressure of speech"  and has a difficult tendency to keep you talking when there is much to do...but she has a thing for fresh eggs, which she has bought on almost a daily basis for a week or two now and seems to gain a great deal of pleasure talking to Bingley, who because of his hormones, is spending most of his time watching passers by at the fence by the gate.
A few years ago, before the Professor and I arrived in Trelawnyd,there was a really disturbed character living in the village who went by the name of "Mad Mick". He was infamous for slashing the tyres and damaging the bodywork of scores of cars up high street and with a drink problem compounding mental health issues, he was not a guy to be trifled with....

I notice I have used the word mad three times in this blog entry. As a previous psychiatric nurse I should really know better, but as a generic description of " not the norm" I find it lazily useful....
In fact " mad as a box of frogs" is one of my most favourite of phrases.... But like I said, I really should know better.

Anyhow, I sold another six eggs to my early morning customer this morning and before I said my goodbyes ( so I could return for a comfortable read of Empire Magazine on the loo) I rooted through our freezer and gave the lady a juicy bit of home grown pork " for being such a good egg customer"
She gave it straight back to me, before I had even said " goodbye"
" I don't eat pigs " she said cheerfully " they carry diseases"
Nuff said..........

76 comments:

  1. what a way for me to begin a rainy monday morning, 5a...reading about you taking a dump! can the rest of my day get any better? :-0

    you gave me a good laugh, john! :)

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    1. I take it you're NOT going out today x

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    2. I DID go out; I had to go to work. :(

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  2. Hopefully you hadn't had time to wash your hands, as you carefully counted her change into her outstretched paw.

    LLX

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  3. But are frogs 'normality challenged'? Or is it just slander?

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  4. It's the diseases that make Pork so tasty!

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    1. I told her that.... She also added that the meat has hair on it

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    2. You see; great for baldness too!

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  5. I had't known frogs were "mad" when put in a box all together, John. xx

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    1. You haven't lived cindy x

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  6. From my experience, most women like a juicy bit of home grown pork. Never something to turn your nose up at.

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  7. Why do all men read on the loo? I can't think of anything I do on the loo apart from the obvious...regularly...every morning without fail. In - out.....job done. I know I am out of sorts if I don't poo every day....is that too much information John. One day in Ireland when the kids were little we rented a cottage in the mountains and sometimes we had to call at the Farmers house next door, as he owned the cottage...his loo was right next to the front door and the kids still laugh now at the memory of him saying 'just a minute..just a minute'..and grunting and pushing and making all kinds of noises and smells before he ansered his front door.....we heard a flush but didn't hear a tap run....

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    1. Never in my life have I read in the loo. I'm in and out in a minute or two. John, maybe more fiber for you?

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    2. The only thing I ever read in the loo is the word "Izal" which appears on each individual piece of toilet paper. Who was this Izal fellow anyway?

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    3. In the Army, the toilet paper resembled greaseproof paper and was marked with:

      Government Property
      Paper is Scarce
      Please Use Both Sides

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    4. Men ADORE reading on the loo.... This is why so many women suffer from constipation

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  8. The picture with the frogs in the box will keep me happy for some time. Random and hilarious :-)

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    1. A bless you KK....... You are so easily pleased x

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  9. Very funny post John. What about another northern British saying: 'a couple of butties short of a picnic?"

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    1. Butty is such a grand northern word

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  10. Of course men read whilst busy in the loo, it is the ONLY place they can more or less guarantee a bit of peace and quiet (except when the local village mad person is on the loose I suppose, we have one here as well and she starts chanting at the top of her voice at 4am if she is having a 'bad' day)

    Nothing worse than having to snip one off mid birth, is there John?

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    1. BTW, the Germans reading this post will be saying:

      'Ach Ja! Ze typical Britischer Toilet humour, nicht war?'

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    2. Would Ursula agree?

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    3. Of course not! She flies in the face of logic. We need more people like her. She makes life interesting although I would be quite terrified to meet her.

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    4. We Germans are just glad when 'one' is regular. Alles muss in Ordnung sein! (There HAS to be order!)

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    5. Actually Iris, regardless of nationality, I think we are all grateful to be regular.

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  11. I was never a psychiatric nurse but would have known she was mad at Yooooooo hoooooooo.

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  12. Well, that's put me off my Weetabix.
    Jane x

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    Replies
    1. Good job you weren't eating black puddin

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  13. One of my faves: "His brain was squirming like a toad ..." the doors.

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  14. BTW, I'll pitch my sackful of cut snakes against your box of frogs anyday...

    The rules are simple. You give me your box of frogs and I have to take them out one by one. Then I give you my sackful of cut snakes and you do the same.

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  15. As usual, I'm pleased to have finished my lunch before reading this...I would NEVER be disturbed by anyone mid-dump..it's a pleasure not to be interrupted...

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    1. Hope you didn't eat meat loaf?
      ,


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  16. NO ONE interrupts me......NO ONE. Not the phone, or the doorbell, or a mad woman at the gate. Let the turkey have her for lunch.

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    1. That's for that delorasX

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  17. So pigs carry diseases but eggs don't? Did she never come across Edwina Currie? I got terrible food poisoning on a flight to Australia once. The cause? An egg sandwich I bought at Heathrow.

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    1. I came across Edwina Currie only last week. Thoroughly unpleasant woman, though she stated that (and I have witnesses to this statement) I EXUDE GOODNESS FROM MY EVERY PORE! ha ha... watch this space, bottled exuded goodness available quite soon on t'internet. just like all those fake copies of the Turin Shroud... What next? Snake oil? Nah... I have plenty of frogs to turn into boxes!!!

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  18. When I lived in East Anglia a doctor working in a psychiatric unit in Norfolk told me that they had long had a category

    NFN

    Normal for Norfolk

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    1. I have seen it written just once!

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  19. Never heard that expression so shall add it to my list of favourite phrases.
    Pleased to hear that I am not the only one who reads on the loo (I have been known to do the crossword too).

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  20. well there ya go - diagnosed by a package of pig sausages...yep, crazy... ;)


    xxx

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  21. I cold never forego eating pigs, as bacon is a staple of my diet.

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  22. I was reading a Facebook page this morning, it's a chicken site and people were apologizing for talking about the different kinds of chicken poo. One of the commenters said this: "Did you know that poop is one of the favorite topics of conversation in England? I was beyond shocked when I moved there in the early 90's and I was sitting in a group of new friends and they all started gleefully talking about poop!"

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  23. I had never heard the saying "Mad as a ..." until I started reading your blog! I say it all the time now!!

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  24. there is one in every bunch!

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  25. you're right she's MAD! but then I don't eat pig anymore either so I guess it's a case of "it takes one to know one" BTW I do hope you got quite finished on the loo!

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  26. I would rather be constipated for a day or two than end up with hemorrhoids. I came across a study in a medical journal where the findings showed that men had a significantly higher rate of hemorrhoids than women. They concluded that this was due to a combination of prolonged sitting time,(related to men's habit of taking reading material into the loo), and men's propensity towards vigorous straining during the extrication process.
    Clearly reading whilst you poo can threaten your anal health. I trust you will take measures to avoid this complication of your treasured reading time.

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    1. No grapes up my bum Ellen!

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    2. Reading matter in toilets a bad sign............

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    3. Slow bowels............

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  27. I was sure I left a comment earlier, something about the lady being ninepence to the shilling. Have I been despatched to your spam box again, I wonder?

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    1. No jean....just checked it.... I have had problems with comments for a while now..... Some just fly off the blog before I read them
      Xx

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  28. Evening John
    We have a pond. An annual orgy of frogs. Much prefer toads.
    Here's one on my desk.
    http://penyffordd-district.blogspot.co.uk/2007/07/mr-toad-of-penyffordd-district.html
    Colin

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    1. Toads are more benign colin

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    2. Yes I agree. I think toads don't like frogs due to their shag anything approach. I've seen males clutching dead frogs for hours on end

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  29. and some frogs..............
    http://penyffordd-district.blogspot.co.uk/2008/03/spring-approaches.html

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  30. Every village has to have a few loons in the bin.

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  31. She doesn't sound too loony to me - just a bit over friendly. Maybe she's lonesome?

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  32. I love these 'people' in small doses! Wondering what 'makes them tic'......
    Take heed of 'Ellen In Oregon' advice!!! lol

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  33. I like your saying! Around here we often say "crazy as a bag of hammers" :)

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  34. I have a friend whom I named " Mad Woman " when I met her. Someone recently said that she was as mad as a box of frogs and she is ! ( but lovely )

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  35. Quick as shit off a shovel in this household, so no limbo required. I don't know where she's been buying her hairy pork but I think she need to find a new supplier. x

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  36. Oh Crap (literally as the post goes ) , I am a day late and have missed out on all the pertinant bantering ...I am now as mad as a box of frogs !

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  37. She gave it back? She's MAD!

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  38. I read nothing in the loo, save the front of the bubble bath bottle ...over and over again!!

    And talk to me while I'm in there at your peril, aren't I entitleld to two minutes peace.....as for asking for eggs, no chance, you'd get a string of Mancunian pleasantries if you tried :-)

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