Wednesday, 17 October 2012

The Berlingo Of England

Her best side
When I was standing at the Crown Bar the other night. I spied an older chap that I know to say "hello" to.
He nodded a greeting then said without looking over ,
"I see your Berlingo is not looking too grand!"
He was right of course.
The Berlingo is not looking too grand.
But to be honest, it never has .

The car has had somewhat of a checkered life up here in Trelawnyd.
Over a period of several years it has slowly morphed from a pristine wheelchair and old lady transporter into an unofficial animal transporter/ ambulance that has not only housed a pack of dogs, two pigs,a giant peaceful goat, a whole troupe of poultry and even had a tame turkey stag sat forlornly in the passenger seat while on an emergency trip to the vets.

25 kilo bags of layers pellets and corn are always stacked up in the boot and in the back seat where the dogs always can be found a whole shit tip of rubbish has accumulated over the years, giving the car the look of belonging to someone with definite hoarding tendencies

It's not a good look.

I aim to clean the car out today if the weather holds up and if the dyson can stomach the mess, I suspect I am in for somewhat of a battle; but I think it is time to at least make the inside of this skip presentable. Ok on second thoughts strike the word presentable and reinsert the word habitable.

It's about time.

I cannot do anything about the passenger window that does not quite close properly. Nor can I do anything about the scrapes along the side where Chris caught the driveway wall one morning, but at least I can remove three tons of dog snot from the windows and retrieve those last few overlooked goat poos from under the back seat !

I shall miss the old girl when she eventually goes to that big breaker's yard in the sky.
She has been a trusty old friend that has shared a few adventures with me over the years.
The most notable and anxiety provoking being:-
and the ever memorable

Perhaps with me giving her a bit of a once over...we may share a few more happy days until she's scrapped? eh?
So if you locals see the old battered gal chugging passed you with an assortment of animals' bums pressed invitingly against a set of filthy windows...spare a thought for her , smile, wave and hoot your horn.... you are saluting a hero of sorts
The normality of a berlingo boot

38 comments:

  1. I have had a few such vehicles in past, John, which I still miss and think fondly of. Funny you will get another and keep it "top notch" until that feeling goes away fairly quickly with the first few snout marks against the windows.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sympathy. Our Audi estate finally gave up the ghost after twenty years of hard life with us...and we still miss it years later.
    It carried everything from dogs to wine via furniture and cement....it towed everything and anything from sand to septic tanks.
    A great workhorse.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Saluting a hero of sorts ... "Toot-toot"...that's for you, not the car.x

    ReplyDelete
  4. I wish you luck with the refurbishment. I somehow think it won't last long before various animal passengers turn it back into what they see as a comfortable environment spattered with bits of themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "an assortment of animals' bums pressed invitingly against a set of filthy windows."

    See? You don't find words like that anywhere but here! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'll bet your gas mileage will improve tremendously without the additional three tons of dog snot. I only have one dog, and she's only in the car occasionally, but somehow the windows in my car always have doggy nose smudges on them.

    I know you'll enjoy your clean car, but alas it will only last 30 minutes or so!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Berlingo, I salute you. Like most old women, you're gray, you have snot on your face, but the dogs still want to get in you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. That's nothing. My first car had mice, and small plants growing from inside the passenger side door frame. In case you're interested, it was a VW Beetle. I never did get rid of the mice, and sold them on with the car!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love my Berlingo too - it also has snot all over the back windows and fur squished into spit, paw marks everywhere and so on. Since my lovely dog died 8 weeks ago, I just cannot bear to get rid of the spit so for now its stays waiting for the day when another little canine friend can join us and his spit to it as well. I also lost my shopping out the back but it was because I had a brainless moment and forgot to shut the boot door - i was moaning and whining about litter bugs leaving stuff all over the road, looked through my back window and realised it wasn't litter it was my weekly shopping! I'm keeping mine until it falls apart. Lily. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. What good is a vehicle if you can't use it for what you need? You have reminded me of our 1974 AMC Gremlin. She took us through the first 8 years of our daughters life and then went on to someone else. I wonder what they thought of all the sand in the trunk (boot to you).

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just because our boot is sagging and our sides show stretch (I mean scratch ) marks does not mean its time (yet) for the old gal to go to the scrap yard.

    Or so my hubbie tells me.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Such is the life of a vehicle owned by a farm person :O). The stories they can tell, no? :O)

    ReplyDelete
  13. The Berlingo of ENGLAND! I see the locals of Trelawnyd
    brandishing flaming brands and pitchforks heading in your direction. Having bought a cottage in Wales, you might just come home to a real fire!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Berlingo was from Chester Tom! just over the border!!!!

      Delete
  14. Yes, your dear transport has seen more than a few bad days, my sympathies with the clean-up. Hate to burst your bubble though, it doesn't even touch the yuk of my husband's work car after he's been "on the road" for a few months, now that IS a real mess!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Lived in and loved !

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh I wish I still had a company car. They were so useful for this kind of thing. Ours carried lumps of concrete and all sorts of other rubble down the dump (back in the days when the dump would still accept such things).

    I had a colleague who would round up sheep in his. Probably not a good idea for Sylvia and Irene.

    ReplyDelete
  17. What is not mentioned in all of this is the scent inside the berlingo - or has it become unmentionable?

    ReplyDelete
  18. I fear our Renault Megane is equally bad. It's two years younger than yours but looks like it's been sand blasted with various manure varieties and of the rear wings is stuck on with grip fill. Some of the manure coating has been etched off by the scratchy, pokey plant-life along the narrow lanes......fancy a swap?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank the lord I am not the only one!

      Delete
  19. Vehicles have always been sort of "utilitarian implements" for me - not so Rhonda who keeps her cars spotless (at least inside)and frowns on using them for any form of animal transport - e.g. Denny - in which case layers of material must go over the rear seat and that vehicle is thoroughly vaccuumed after any such excursion.

    ReplyDelete
  20. we could be twins john-o!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think you and I may have been brothers in a past life...ha, as you described your car I looked into the driveway just to make sure you weren't talking of mine...seriously twins :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I cleaned ours today monkey for the first time in 2 years!

      Delete
    2. ha, well you are a better man than I...mine will remain a mess :)

      Delete
    3. OK YOUR NEXT BLOG WHOULD HAVE PHOTOS OF YOUR MOTOR!

      Delete
    4. hahahahha...never :)

      Delete
  22. But, isn't that how a animal person's vehicle is SUPPOSED to look? :D I would know nothing about having feed, meds and at least one lead or so in the back of the truck at any time... Hope the Dyson survives!

    Cat

    ReplyDelete
  23. I hoovered out my car yesterday, as we took Molly to the vet for the last time last weekend and there was dog hair everywhere..........pretty sad......

    Gill

    ReplyDelete
  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  25. EARL Why not write a poem about your Berlingo? Words that rhyme with it include "dingo", "Ringo" and "Bingo". I hope the cleaning went well. Please consider affixing some "go faster" stripes. This should impress the cheeky fellow who said "I see your Berlingo is not looking too grand!" Two grand? More like £650!

    ReplyDelete
  26. That's what we call a "beater" here in Minnesota--a car that's been beaten to hell. However, there is a certain pride and even affection in owning one and keeping it going as long as possible. Long may she run!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Why bother cleaning off all those layers of character? :) May your Berlingo transport beasts and feed and dog snot (and the lovely you) for many years yet!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Your Berlingo sounds like a pair of comfy shoes. Cleaning up the old girl now and again makes sense. I'm sure the dogs will appreciate the 30 seconds they have of a clear view before they cover the windows again.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I am sorry but the incontinent dog incident had me snorting, and risking my own continence.
    One of our cats loathed and detested the car (as so many of them do). He also hated our very nice vet. Each and every time he went to the vet, just as we pulled into the car park he would proceed to drop a very sloppy one on his tail. He was a long haired cat. So the vet's first job was to clean him up. I am sure that cat knew what he was doing.

    ReplyDelete
  30. John, please, please, please will you one day write a post that doesn't involve turds, dog snot or any other bodily fluids...I always read over lunch, and generally end up wondering about the ingredients of whatever is on my plate!

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x