Monday, 14 May 2012

...and on a lighter note....


Picture this
Chris returning from Church in his lovely new tweed waistcoat
He is all spick and span
He loves the more genteel aspects of life
He faces an animal filled kitchen
Meg had just rolled in a pile of incredibly smelly chicken shit
William is scratching at a possible new flea
and Albert is standing on the kitchen table trying desperately to catch someone's eye so he can have some lunch
He farts loudly when I retrieve some cat food
and splatters a small bowl of beautiful mushrooms with a tiny flourish of cat poo

Chris stands amid the melee with his eyes closed is silent resignation
"I was not born for all this!" he says sadly

48 comments:

  1. Nobody was born for all that - except maybe you, John. I have never, ever, actually HEARD a cat fart. They are normally so much more sneaky.

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  2. I would have burned the house down after that.
    m.

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  3. I always blame the cat too John.

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  4. tom
    try eating rabbit baby all day
    YOU'D fart for the South West!

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  5. poor Chris, he must really love you.......I am so sorry to read of Mabel's passing, I have been catching up with your past couple of weeks of posts,

    Gill in Canada

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  6. John, you are a riot. I love reading your stories. Chris no doubt is looking forward to going to work this week. haha If you have animals you also need a sense of humor. Have a great week.

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  7. Poor Chris. I can empathize. I wasn't born for that either. (But I can't help but laugh at the image... because I'm not the one living it.)

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  8. You paint a wonderful picture, John.

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  9. LMAO ... there is nothing to say, but to laugh ! xxx

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  10. But love makes us do strange things.

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  11. Have you tried inserting a cork up Albert's arse ? she said while clearing up spilled over cat food, cat sick,& clumps of cat hair.

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  12. "splatters a small bowl of beautiful mushrooms with a tiny flourish of cat poo"

    When I pick myself off the floor from laughing, I will send these small, precious, perfect words off to the skies as writing worthy of Shakespeare.

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  13. Not a silent-but-deadly, then?

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  14. Obviously, Albert was upset by the tweed waistcoat.
    Jane x

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  15. So, was Chris implying that you were born for this?

    So much for the stereotype of the tidy English cottage carefully kept up by two stylish gay men, eh?

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  16. Alison
    I am as stylish as a fart in a spacesuit

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  17. OMW you could be describing the Asian table in our Guest House every mealtime. I can understand animals doing strange things (although,like Beverley, I agree must have a sense of humour, to have pets) but why do men belch -we say burp - sneeze, hawk, eat with open lip-smacking mouths and scratch funny places with their forks? Hope Chris survives the week! Good to see you again, John. Greetings from Jo, Tanzania, East Africa

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  18. At least no animals sullied his new tweed waistcoat. Btw, i love the pic of the 'Trelawnwyd Terriers'.

    megan

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  19. I'm sure they could make your stories into a sitcom it would be funnier than some we have to put up with.

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  20. That man loves you.. Clearly :-)

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  21. My hubby always blames the cat too.

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  22. I love Chris. I visualize him as a jade Chinese statue.

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  23. Dear Chris. He reminds me of my brothers partner, who is similarly fastidious. He insists they decant their takeaway into proper serving dished before tucking in!

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  24. Have you thought of feeding coffee beans to William? Once they've passed through him, they should make an excellent substitute for civet coffee. I'm sure Chris would appreciate that.

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  25. "from the sublime to the ridiculous" to quote a certain Mr Buonaparte on leaving Moscow

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  26. Thanks for the morning laugh John. Our Maxwell is a sneaky farter.

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  27. nature or nurture, boss?.... that's the pertinent question!!

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  28. So the cat sharted?

    I might have to rethink letting the three of ours curl up on the pillows next to us at night, LOL!

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  29. arctic
    Pavlov's cat more like!
    sharted? how posh!!!!

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  30. We all have standards. For some it's a tweed waistcoat and for others it's always washing the vegetables before cooking, just in case.

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  31. And here I thought cats were the classy ones.

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  32. Who's 'Rabbit-Baby'? I suppose you know that - if your cat or anyone else is on an exclusive diet of rabbit - you need to add extra fat to the meat, to avoid a possibly lethal body-fat self-consumption? This is true, I have only just found it out.

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  33. dont worry tom, he also eats regular whiskers!
    the rabbit phase is only in spring... when babies are in abundance!

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  34. just when I had dried my eyes and got the sniggers under control, I read "sharted" ROFL XD Thankyou for brightening my day:-)

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  35. John, you've put me off mushrooms for life. Poor Chris.

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  36. Hey , all this will Chris 'grounded' in a good way!

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  37. Oh dear ! You have made me cry twice in one day. This mornings post was very moving and thought provoking...... then this !! I laughed til I cried.

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  38. It seems Albert has the X Factor, maybe even the WOW Factor.

    Poor Chris.

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  39. LOL I'm getting a visual...poor Chris.

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  40. Pets. Gotta love 'em!

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  41. It's not so bad...mushrooms grow in poo don;t they?

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  42. I'm with Mark on this one. I would have burned the house down too.

    But first, I would look lovingly into your eyes and forgive everything. Calmly retire to my room, change my cloths and get busy helping you clean. Then, take a nap.

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  43. As a person who has been owned by cats forever I too have never heard a cat fart? Could Albert have been channelling Mabel?

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  44. ...not a pretty picture, even if it made me smile

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  45. Bwahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I can just see it all now. :o)

    Thank you, John. A good evening to you all. ;o)

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  46. Cathy - yes, I agree, those words were perfect.
    It's probably good for Chris.

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