Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Bitch Wars

Meg watching the air that I breathe photo taken at 7am
We have two bitches at home.
A seven year old neurotic Welsh terrier called Meg ( who weighs in at 9 kilos)
and five year old Mabel, the bulldog, who tips the scales just a shade less than 23 kilos
In a fight Meg has stamina, nervous energy in abundance, and sharp little teeth.
Mabel has bulk, a calculating brain and wide flat gums.
It's not a fair match
"Leave it leave it...she's not worth it!"
Me, being away for a mere 48 hours, threw Meg somewhat.
She cannot abide not being within spitting distance of me, so a separation, even a brief one, seemed to have sent her into a spiral of neediness and anxiety.
All it took was Mabel to saunter over to my arm chair for a kiss (it's a little habit we both have got into) and Meg flew at her! a fight that  resembled a little like a one between a hysterical skinny rabbit and an elephant.


Out of the two of them, I felt for Mabel just a little bit more,as she in essence had done nothing wrong, and as Meg locked on to her throat all Mabel could do was throw Meg onto her back and grab her with a set of gums as big as a gin trap.


Bitch fights are very much like the ones you may see between drunken slags down Sheffield's Moor on a Friday night.... there is a great deal of noise, an occasional spurt of blood and a locking together of flailing legs, toilet parts and sagging nipples.
It's not a pretty sight.
Poor Chris.....I think he had experienced "animals" a little too much yesterday... this was indeed the final straw so to speak.
After the warring parties were separated
He went to bed early!


This morning, after a whole night of Meg lying a couple of inches from my face watching me sleep, she seemed reassured that I was not going anywhere again and looked her normal perky self, but hell hath no fury as a Bulldog scorned, and all throughout their morning walk, Mabel spent most of her time looking at Meg through angry little piggy eyes.
I could almost hear her thinking
"You stupid little twittering bitch!"
Bulldogs never forget............
Watch this space

40 comments:

  1. Meg has a Twitter account? Now that is clever!!

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  2. Oh to be fought over by two jealous women. Sigh, those were the days.

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  3. You will pay for your brief escape. Our cats tend to make me pay by mining the house with UDOs (unidentified disgusting objects). A day that starts with stepping in cat puke or worse has not begun well.

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  4. Oh, my! Hope things settle into their rightfully spots soon.

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  5. "a hysterical skinny rabbit and an elephant." Laughing out loud, here. Aren't you lucky to have women fighting over you? Kinda like your bloggers!!! ;)

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  6. Oh dear.... and so to bed.

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  7. I still have a scar on my arm from separating two bitches. It's amazing how much rage dogs can generate over a plastic boomerang!

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  8. You handle it much more calmly than I. I have two males that have decided they don't like each other and have fought on two occasions. Both times I broke it up by screaming like a Fishwife and jumping into the fray. Then again, both of these idiots have fangs...

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  9. Elsie met her mum and sister yesterday for the first time since leaving the nest. A very amicable two hour walk was had until we reached back home and then all three bundled in for a fight. Girls, eh?

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  10. All that was missing was handbags!
    Jane x

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  11. Oh dear...your two sweet little girls. I hope they learn to be friends again but...

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  12. I love your post titles. Not sure I was ready for the "sagging nipples" this early in the morning... ;)

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  13. Loved the "belly laugh" to start my day off; hope they both came away unscathed?

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  14. As euphemisms go, John, you have excelled yourself. "Toilet parts" is it? Well, you could have fooled me.

    U

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  15. Oh dear, hope things settle between them and that they can still be friends :)

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  16. Perhaps next time you could leave them little notes and dirty socks that they miss you less. . .
    Hugs to Chris

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  17. The "sagging nipples" did it for me.....still smiling over that one.
    Thank you again, you never disappoint.

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  18. I found the whole story oddly arousing and this midife farmwifes husband benefitted. I keep telling him blog reading is good for both of us

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  19. Male dogs (at least in this house) just bark really loud at each other, but never attack. You gotta watch those bitches.

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  20. "Bitch fights are very much like the ones you may see between drunken slags down Sheffield's Moor on a Friday night..." - You mean when there's a nurses' night out?
    Not too happy about you denigrating my adopted city in this manner. I shall have to take revenge by saying something equally unpleasant about Rhyl or the secret pensioner wife swapping parties in Trelawnyd.

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  21. A very unstable love triangle. We have that here, but it is between the boys... I think your girls will probably work it out. But wait...we are talking about a terrier here....Ha! Good luck!

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  22. Oh, dear. I fear Meg has poked the dragon with a stick. I do hope Mabel realises Meg for the needy girl she is, and that she needed to fill up on her you time rather than wish to start a long, dreary war.

    Loved your description of the fight.

    megan

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  23. Bitch fights are the worst. I inherited my Mum's English Setter, and she and my Lab-cross always held each other in disdain. It would sporadically erupt into bloodshed, once just before we drove 2,000 km in a move. The vet had to put staples in both dogs' ears, so he gave me a special remover so I could take the staples out when we got to our new home.

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  24. Oh John - hell hath no fury.
    Its nice to know you were missed and that they are pleased to see you home but they could have found a gentler way of showing you.

    Do go and see Most Exotic - it is full of very funny one-liners, I am sure you will enjoy it.

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  25. Indeed, it seems Hell hath no fury like a doggy deserted....

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  26. Indeed, it seems Hell hath no fury like a doggy deserted....

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  27. ...all it took was Mabel to saunter over to my arm chair for a kiss (it's a little habit we both have got into). Priceless. I could just see it and then all hell broke loose. Mud wrestling next.

    Glad you're back and that you had such a great time.

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  28. They need to channel their aggression. Boxing. or acting. It worked for Ray Winstone.

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  29. They need to channel their aggression. Boxing. or acting. It worked for Ray Winstone.

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  30. Thank goodness balance is restored - I thought you were going to tell us that Chris had left!

    I notice that neutered Aelfy scorns the stray tom that we have befriended, and if he catches me scolding Catkin - shooing him off the table for instance - Aelfy will berate him as well with physical aggression. Vindictive!

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  31. never a dull moment.......poor Chris.

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  32. ROFLMAO so now the "girls" fight over you...nice!

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  33. You'll have to sort out your canine hareem John.

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  34. Made me think of this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0eXK_jpNXE

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  35. I knew going to London would cause trouble....

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  36. Broad
    dont you just LOVE bitch slaps?

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  37. Hi John!! You're right about the 'resort' that I visited this morning with Todd. It's posher than a few of the hotels I've stayed in...But I know about 'bitch wars' all too well and each day with our two it's a challenge to keep an eye on both to not let that spark ignite that fire!

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