Talking about sex and hamper making

In my previous life I talked a great deal about sex.
No !!!!, now before you jump to conclusions, I can be a little bit of a prude in my day-to-day existence but when I worked in Sheffield, I did play a large part in the psych/social/ sexual aspect of spinal injury  nursing at the Northern General
I facilitated a short course which enabled staff to explore the mechanics and psychological ramifications of neurological damage on sexual function and was one of the nurse practitioners that helped assess sexual function within  the patient population of the rehab unit.
I also helped the out patient sister in completing patient fertility studies, and was responsible ( albeit in a minor role) for many of the partners of certain ex patients becoming pregnant
Now before the sniggers start, I must say that I do smile at the irony of me being in some way responsible for a woman's pregnancy, but I did play, sometimes a vital role in the process of such and just helping an individual feel comfortable exploring such a delicate and intimate subject, did, I'll admit give me a bit of a buzz on a professional level, that is.

I got to thinking about this subject after I received an email this morning. It was a from a ex patient ( a former squaddie) who I saw extensively at out patients over a period of around a year.( seven years ago now!)
He emailed to inform me of the birth of his third child ( all conceived after his paraplegia and recalled in his note those toe curling (for him) initial sessions at the fertility clinic when I "helped" him retrieve semen samples prior to the old turkey baster job!
He reminded me of my reply to his initial comment of "well, how many of these have you done at out patients?"
Apparently I said with a chuckle ( and I don't remember this) "I've seen more cocks here than an average prostitute down the Wicker arches!"
Funny what he remembered eh?
Say that now, and you'd be struck off!!!
But at the time the humour was intrumental in making him just a little more relaxed ( expecially as I probably was walking towards him with an anal probe in my hands)
ok enough already..........

Anyhow it's another overly hot day today
It's too hot for Constance who has been slumped by the shed for the most of the morning

She ain't moving for anyone
The garden hamper looks sufficiency asexual
and it's too hot for me to we working in the full field sun. So I have started to pull together the donated food and raffle prizes into hamper and baskets for the Open Day
I am in no way artistic but the food hamper looks fairly impressive
eat your heart out Blue Peter

27 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:54 am

    Poor Constance...she needs a kiddie wading pool to cool off in.
    Your baskets look lovely.

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  2. That really is a face-and-a-half she has there!

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  3. It takes a special soul to be able to help others in such a delicate situation John...bless you for being one.
    It's been super-hot here too for the past couple of weeks and I think I overdid the sunshine on Friday...put me in bed all day Saturday!
    I admire Constance, she appreciates how much you have to respect the heat!

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  4. Oh, that I could attend this marvelous event...not the sperm testing...the village event!

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  5. Poor Constance. Bull dogs were not built for this weather - my pug was the same, he just couldn't cope with it.

    Love your piece on sex sessions, I am sure that humour, albeit often black humour, was an essential part of getting over the initial stages. I have never understood why we are so scared of talking about sex - the most natural thing in the world.

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  6. Sorry Constance, but your photo cracked me up!

    John I'm very impressed with your hampers, and not a piece of sticky backed plastic in sight.

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  7. I often liked to make the same comment to my husband ie when he would worry about the number of naked folks I would see in an average day as a nurse. Hard for him to understand they were just one more thing I had to clean or cream (Antibiotics folks) or lean against an ice pack to reduce swelling. All in days work.

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  8. Baby making . . hamper making. All in the day of a nurse. I don't think they put that on the recruitment posters [though perhaps they should]
    You're a good guy, John Gray

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  9. Interesting work, John. I think the humor probably broke the ice. I would imagine that would be a rather tense situation.

    Poor Constance!!! I think she wouldn't make it here.

    The baskets are looking professional, well done!

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  10. Get Constance a fan... well not those fans... you know, an electric fan! Poor thing!

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  11. Thanks for that John.

    A case of 'too much information' if ever there was one.

    I now have metal pictures seared into my brain of you with an anal probe prowling the wards offering patients 'help'.

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  12. Bulldogs are so good at the "grumpy" face LOL
    Tha hamper looks great, anyone would be chuffed to win that.

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  13. Ok, mental pictures.

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  14. "say that now and you'd be struck off" - what a sad reflection on how daft the world has become for so many professionals.
    Box-ticking and remote politeness have replaced humour and empathy. For some of course.
    These are dangerous times for any profession, I fear.

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  15. My old Gaelic Football coach's day job used to be impregnating pigs (talk about the sniggers...). I'd say your job was a few steps up!

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  16. John I really admire how open and honest you are about these 'delicate' topics and if the way you relate them to us, is any indication of how you are in person, patients are lucky to have you there instead of someone like me who can sometimes blush and be at a loss for words!

    Great job on the basket too!!

    PS: I am loving the feistiness and spirit of our Scottie!

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  17. Oh John, how I smiled at your description of helping out with the baby-making machinery! You are indeed a special man!

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  18. no vera, but that you
    I am just good with a turkey baster

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  19. Wanker! (and I mean that in the nicest possible sense).

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  20. I am laughing at Chris's comments. Humor is a terrific way to ease a patients discomfort and it seems you have that gift. Constance is adorable and is not a sun worshiper like our cat, Clovis.

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  21. Not exactly Constance's most becoming photo!

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  22. Well John thanks for keeping me in a job with all the baby making lol. Before I became a midwife I spent 2 years on a male urology ward now that was an eye opener to say the least !
    Jane

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  23. Suppose the job has it's ups n downs - nice to get the feedback through from folks you have helped - bet you feel chuffed.

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  24. Anonymous3:38 pm

    What a great post! I'm struck again and again by what a gifted storyteller you are John. All unconsciously I imagine. (I've heard it's a Welch thing.)

    So you're responsible for all those kids, eh? I wondered.

    Dxox

    ps Constance looks just like how I imagined the patient in your story as you approached with the anal probe!

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  25. Oh my...what a job :O ;) Isn't it nice to be remembered and appreciated John. Poor old Constance...she doesn't look happy at all. she'd hate it here with temperatures hovering around 37 to 40C....I hate it! At least we can dip in the pool we set up every summer. It may not be cool like the lake but it's wet and it feels good when you get out. Enjoy your day!
    Maura :)

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